Shall I push my daughter to keep up her dancing?

[Greenginghamdress]

Hi all.

Hoping for quick advice as the class is tonight! My daughter has attended dancing for just over a year. She's made friends and seems to enjoy it.
Her interest has been tailing off the last few weeks though and today she has told me she doesn't want to go anymore. Apparently she doesn't like the teacher and it's too strict? It doesn't seem to be.

I have noticed that she doesnt seem to have a natural skill for it and the other week she poured juice on the floor just before the class started (the teacher was not happy and I told her off off this at home).

I'm wondering what to do as have made friends there myself with other mums. I don't want to be pushy and force her but this is her only hobby. It is however, very expensive and they have a show coming up in autumn which will be lots of rehersals and extra coat for costumes etc. She is 4.5 so pretty little.

Aibu?
YABU- tell her she has to go
YANBU- accept and don't send her

Thank you!

Massively generalising there with your comments@Alb0! Also, four years old is very young, but four year olds are definitely not babies.

Many enjoy activities outside of school, yes, even that young, plus having additional friends outside of school can also be beneficial.

Please don't think that your experience and opinions are true for everyone 🙃

Give it up! Dts went to ballet for a while, they hated it, the teacher didn't respond well. I pulled them out, got them on horses and haven't looked back. It's really shit to do an ex c you don't like.

Of course let her stop. It's her activity which she doesn't enjoy, not your social life.

Take the other mums phone numbers to keep in touch and let your child do what they want. It’s not fair to force them to go if they don’t enjoy it just so you can see mum friends

She actually asked if she could take her to a trial session later that week, so she was absolutely suggesting that dd should start at that age. As the session was outside of her normal working hours, I said that I would take dd instead, but it wasn't something that was driven by me in the slightest. I wanted dd to do karate ffs!

Hobbies are meant to be fun! I think so many adults hatred of exercise is caused by being forced to do things they didn’t like as children

When I started to read your post I presumed your DD was 8 or older but 4. They change their mind more than they change their knickers!

I would persevere for another lesson or two then give up.

My oldest pestered me constantly when she was 3 to go to ballet. I don't dance, it wasn't even something I'd considered, she was way to young etc etc. She watched a ballet DVD and she wanted to do it more than anything.

I relented and 12 years later, she's still going. I never in a month of Sundays expected to be a ballet Mum. I work extra hours to cover the lessons and the only time she's missed in 12 years was with a small injury a few months ago.

If they love it, they love it. Give her a little time but if it's not for her now, she may come back to it later. The ballet teacher also made lessons really fun. I still remember the stretches being 'Goodbye Toes, Hello Toes....'

It depends how serious you think she is about not wanting to go. When my oldest daughter was that age she often said she didn't want to go but she did enjoy it when there so I continued to send her and now she's 10 and dancing at a competitive level. My youngest daughter has just turned 5 and didn't want to go to one of her dance classes and was really upset I couldn't even bribe her so I didn't force her and pulled her from that class.

Also my oldest didn't have a natural skill either it's took a lot of years and a lot of work to get her to the level she is now.

Christ, at the beginning of your post I thought you were going to say she was 11 or 12!
She's 4! Of course she can quit if she doesn't like it. Try something else. Surely one of the joys of being 4 is being able to try out lots of different things?

Or try nothing at all. Just let her be a 4 year old, without signing her up to anything.

Finish the term then stop, as others have said she should enjoy it.
Just because she stops now doesn't mean she won't take it up again. My DD had an on/off relationship with dance (all types) starting and stopping several times between the ages of 4 and 14. At 14 she had a light bulb moment and is now moving onto a degree that has all dance styles at it's core.

Is this a joke? You told a 4 year old off spilling a drink?

And you’re worried she’s not very skilled?

Sounds like you want her to keep going for your benefit as you don’t want to lose the friendships of the other mums. Poor geet.

Yep, and the 4 year old was upset that her teacher told her off, it affected the 4 year old little girl so much that she no longer wants to dance. No 4 year old small child should be told off for spilling a drink. That's what they do! It sounds like the teacher is a bit of a monster and the mother doesn't understand that it's normal for 4 year old little girls to spill drinks. They expect perfection and body/muscle/motor control at all of 4 years. No wonder the girl has been upset and wants to quit.

Thanks everyone. This is actually not the first time she has said it. We had tears today so I haven't taken her. We have paid for up to next week and I've told her if it's a no next week, then that's it done for now.
She's more the kind of child who enjoys bikes, football and parks so thinking of pursuing something else. Or she can pick up dancing again later.
I remember dancing lessons when I was young and it wasn't my thing so I left it, then started back at 11 or 12.
And of course it's nothing to do with the mums I've made friends with. It was just as I've found it hard to make mum friends over the years and these were the first, but obviously it's not about me!
DD is also one of the youngest in the class and it may be a lot for her.

so thinking of pursuing something else.

How about just letting her be, instead of signing her up for anything? She's 4 years old! Not a project.

At that age my daughter had been through ballet, gymnastics, taekwondo, swimming, piano, messy play etc once she got bored we swapped. She’s now 6 and has settled on swimming, fine art class and violin for the last year. I don’t regret her doing those things, she really enjoyed herself and learned a lot and it helped her find what she really wanted to do ultimately

How about letting her mum follow her instincts about what's right for her daughter?

Some 4yos want to be left just to "be" and that's absolutely fine. Some want and need more external stimulation. And that's fine too.

I'm sure that the OP is not treating her dd as a project in the slightest, just trying to expose her to a variety of things that she might enjoy.

Be careful my friend over scheduled hers so they never learned how to knock about with others kids and make friends - they are struggling socially as young teens now. She thought she was doing the right thing and was very smug about their great lists of activities - but you can take this too far.

Yes, just read Miss2018's post above. Disgraceful and sad. It's clearly about getting rid of the child and keeping the child 'busy' so they are out of the adults hair. I've come across parents like this, it's quite abusive. The children are the one who suffer because they cannot relate to other kids and have little relationship with their parents. They pretend they are happy because they don't want to offend their parents, who they desperately just want the love of, and to spend time with, instead of being sent away all the time.

Be careful of confusing correlation with causation here.

Being over-scheduled presumably meant that they met lots of new people and mixed with many, it might not have been the cause of them struggling socially as teens, there can be a multitude of reasons for that happening.

@Greenginghamdress I think you're doing the right thing, be led by your own daughter and what you think she needs. Some parents gasp in horror at kids having hobbies, and some gasp in horror at kids having none. The truth is, what works for some will be different for others, so all you can do is what you think is right.

My 4yo is currently running in and out between trampoline and paddling pool covered in dirt and mainlining squash.

Oh dear. I do not want to get rid of my child at all and she's not a project! She's extremely energetic and she always seemed to enjoy activities. She's also my only so I feel I need to keep her busy so she doesn't get bored with me and her dad for company. But I'm aware this may not be a good idea.

Regarding the juice incident, it appears she did it deliberately which I think was not on, so was letting her know that.

I thank everyone for your advice, its good to hear other insights.

Haha! I can still picture my DD aged 5, all indignant in a ballet class and shouting back at the bloody awful (Miss Trunchbull) teacher "You aren't supposed to shout at children like that, you are supposed to be kind and encouraging".
We never went back.