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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daily Spending

58 replies

Judithand2 · 16/06/2022 00:10

We are a normal family with 3 DC. Our income is low so we do not pay tax, just to give you an idea on the salaries etc.
i am trying to monitor the daily spending that goes out of our joint account. I buy bi weekly shop and myself and the kids eat at home. However DH seems to not care about his spendings. Today he spent almost 20 quid on his lunch and breakfast. Where our family food budget per week is 100.

YANBU to expect him to prepare and bring food from home and eat what everyone else in the family eats
YABU he works hard let the man eat

OP posts:
NotKevinTurvey · 16/06/2022 00:13

If you are both not paying tax then you are either on below the minimum adult wage, or not working full-time, so there’s hopefully a way to improve your income, but no, you are not being unreasonable on that wage to expect your partner to take a packed lunch and avoid additional expense.

KangarooKenny · 16/06/2022 08:29

Sounds like my DH. I turn lights off and peg washing out, while he buys a pie for his lunch from the shop when there’s food in. It’s infuriating, and possibly relationship ending.

Bumpsadaisie · 16/06/2022 08:34

Judithand2 · 16/06/2022 00:10

We are a normal family with 3 DC. Our income is low so we do not pay tax, just to give you an idea on the salaries etc.
i am trying to monitor the daily spending that goes out of our joint account. I buy bi weekly shop and myself and the kids eat at home. However DH seems to not care about his spendings. Today he spent almost 20 quid on his lunch and breakfast. Where our family food budget per week is 100.

YANBU to expect him to prepare and bring food from home and eat what everyone else in the family eats
YABU he works hard let the man eat

Our joint income is over 100k but we can't certainly afford to spend money on lunches and coffee regularly.

We take stuff from home, coffee in a flask and water in a water bottle.

I know where your DH is coming from as I used to do the same thing but it costs a fortune. We were overspending because of it. You just need to kind of break the addiction of buying nice food and coffees out and instead enjoy putting something nice together at home.

I got a really nice lunchbox with compartments and water bottle for a birthday present and now I really like just making myself something nice and it hardly takes any time - I'm making the kids theirs anyway. I wouldn't think to buy food out and about nowadays unless a treat.

InChocolateWeTrust · 16/06/2022 08:37

If you earn so little you don't pay tax I'm amazed he had £20 to spend with 3 DC and the cost of living these days.

SmartCarDriver · 16/06/2022 08:38

I'm amazed you have £20 in the bank for Jim to spend! Does he work full time?

Lovinglife45 · 16/06/2022 08:49

I understand your point.

I have taken lunch to work everyday for my whole working life (22+ years) with the exception of the odd planned team lunch. I also make hot drinks using work supplies, not exactly Costa or Pret though. I can go weeks without spending even £1 during a day in the office.

Some of my colleagues earning less bring coffee in and buy hot lunches for up to £10. However, not all have mortgages, children, as many outgoings etc.

If I had good savings, almost paid mortgage off then I could justify spending £200 a month on breakfast/lunch.

Vikinga · 16/06/2022 08:54

He's being completely stupid! Probably best to sit down and do a budget and eat h of you have spending money to use it on whatever you want. If he spent £20 a day on his lunches and breakfasts that's £400 a month. It would cost less than £40 to make himself really nice breakfasts and lunches.

nannynick · 16/06/2022 08:55

Is there some context to why he would spend that much on breakfast and lunch, such as he is away from home? At home you can eat low cost but if you are away then options can be limited, though if there are choices available then can shop around for best value. For example going to Morrisons for breakfast rather than going to the Premier Inn's restaurant.

resuwen · 16/06/2022 08:56

I would budget so that each of you have a small, equal budget for discretionary spends, whatever that is, so it doesn't come out of the household budget. It's his own to control, you don't know what he spends it on, when it's gone it's gone.

Ireolu · 16/06/2022 08:58

We earn ok and although I am crap at organising myself so never take lunch in I either skip lunch altogether (90% of the time) or have a £3.50 meal deal from sainsburys. YANBU £20 on one lunch is too much.

Ireolu · 16/06/2022 09:00

*one breakfast and one lunch.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 16/06/2022 09:00

How can you afford to support three DC and have £20 leftover for daily snacks if neither of you are earning enough to pay tax?

Surely that means neither of you are working full-time - is it to save on childcare or what?

peachescariad · 16/06/2022 09:05

All my working life and now my adults' kids lives (still living at home) we've always taken lunch to work. We would never dream of spending £3-£5 a day on lunch.

I cook extra every night so they can take left overs, or there's tined soup, left over cooked chicken/sausages etc to make a sarnie/roll/wrap.

Thing is DS can easily afford to spend £5 a day if he wanted...if not more, but he worked out how much he can save by taking in lunch and he's 21!
Your DH is being incredibly selfish.

BaaCake · 16/06/2022 09:13

If it was a one off that's fine but you two must be earning ridiculously little so you can't really afford this. I'd go through the budget and at least get him to stick to a tesco meal deal or similar.

CharSiu · 16/06/2022 09:16

I received many a free lunch and dinner whilst working, this is years ago and all that entertaining is now knocked on the head, my friend still works there. If there wasn’t free food on that day I always took my own lunch.

DH could and still can afford to buy lunch at work but always makes and takes his own.

DS has a subsidised canteen where he works but still takes his own food.

Your DH is most definitely in the wrong.

MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler · 16/06/2022 09:18

I don’t understand hope you can support 3 dc on so little income, never mind buy lunch out every day.

BaaCake · 16/06/2022 09:22

resuwen · 16/06/2022 08:56

I would budget so that each of you have a small, equal budget for discretionary spends, whatever that is, so it doesn't come out of the household budget. It's his own to control, you don't know what he spends it on, when it's gone it's gone.

That's a good idea. He can either make sandwiches out of the family budget or spend his fun money on a fry up

woodencoffetable · 16/06/2022 10:05

If your spending is that different I would really urge you to get single accounts then, and you can be more responsible but he can't spend your joint money. He will run out and then he will learn what he should have learned when young; that you need to budget.

£100 is a lot and I would also urge you to start cooking from scratch, you can do a big batch and tub and freeze on one day of the week. Get some cookbooks and bring your budget down. That's a lot when you cook from scratch. I only spent £30/week when it was me and my baby and I can't imagine four more people bring it up by £70 unless you buy a lot of processed food.

xogossipgirlxo · 16/06/2022 10:59

20 quid on lunch and breakfast?! I can't see even my boss doing this. Does he think he's someone else or what? I would kill him if he was my husband.

I always take home made lunch and breakfast. Barely any takeaways. Not with current prices. Our monthly food budget is £250-270 for two people and it takes a lot of organisation and meal planning to stick to it.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 16/06/2022 11:06

DH and I both have the same amount of ‘pocket money’ per month. Going out individually for food comes from our own pocket money. You both need to sit down together and go through your budget.

FourTeaFallOut · 16/06/2022 11:15

What's he playing at? A fifth of your food budget on himself in one day, on two meals? How is he expecting the family to absorb that kind of loss for the week? So now there's, £80 for five of you for a week? Get him to sit down and square that circle on paper.

Honestly, I have no idea how you are managing on £100 in any case. I have three kids and spend considerably more, I can only imagine it takes a Herculean effort to get it all in on that budget.

Alcibiade · 16/06/2022 11:20

Sorry OP but your DH is a total arsehole. We only have one DC (and earn enough to have to pay tax), but I simply cannot imagine spending £20 eating out on my own just because I happen to be at work that day.

DW fixes me a salad for my lunch on days when I go to work (basically just lettuce, two slices of ham and a boiled egg) and I sometimes take along a packet of crisps (11p from Tesco). I just eat whatever we have made for dinner when I get home. Human beings do not need to eat a full meal for lunch (the only exception being if they are doing a job which involves intense physical effort - mine involves some physical work, but not what I would call intense).

Do the same for him and tell the bugger you are reducing his risk of ischaemic heart disease, strokes and gallstones in the future so he should appreciate it.

BaaCake · 16/06/2022 11:21

By eating this way he is knowingly depriving the rest of you all.

Alcibiade · 16/06/2022 11:24

FourTeaFallOut · 16/06/2022 11:15

What's he playing at? A fifth of your food budget on himself in one day, on two meals? How is he expecting the family to absorb that kind of loss for the week? So now there's, £80 for five of you for a week? Get him to sit down and square that circle on paper.

Honestly, I have no idea how you are managing on £100 in any case. I have three kids and spend considerably more, I can only imagine it takes a Herculean effort to get it all in on that budget.

£100 on just food alone is quite manageable per week. We spend considerably less than that (but just three of us).

Cottage pie is the great equalizer. Tasty, balanced, nutritious, and a hell of a lot cheaper than chips.

FourTeaFallOut · 16/06/2022 11:30

Well obviously three is different to five. And the dietary needs of the individuals in the family puts a different pressure on the budgets. But if you could get a sub £100 food budget for two adults, two teens - including one with coeliac and a kid, I'd be over the moon.