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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be upset by this comment?

28 replies

user19282711 · 15/06/2022 18:32

I struggle with social anxiety which lockdown didn't help, the past year has been tough but I feel like I am slowly making progress with it.
I haven't been out socialising since lockdown and on Saturday night my work colleagues are going for a meal out. I said I would go even though I feel anxious about it but felt that it would do me good to push myself a bit.
Today I overheard one of my colleagues saying to another colleague when she saw i had put my name down I bet she won't come and started laughing.
Would you be upset by this comment or am I just been oversensitive?

OP posts:
luxxlisbon · 15/06/2022 18:34

I mean do you usually say it imply you are going and then cancel or don’t attend?

The comment wasn’t overtly bitchy, I think you are probably being sensitive because you feel anxious about going in the first place.

RoseslnTheHospital · 15/06/2022 18:36

The comment, no. The laughing, yes. It's not very nice of them to laugh about you.

Mally100 · 15/06/2022 18:36

You must have flaked many times for this comment? Have you?

Hagiography · 15/06/2022 18:36

The laughing is unpleasant, I'd be upset too.

devildeepbluesea · 15/06/2022 18:37

Well tbh if I had social anxiety, and presumably a tendency to back out of things, I’d probably say “fair enough “.

im lucky not to really know what social anxiety feels like, and I’m sorry that this is your reality. But truth is, people WILL pick up on stuff like this. Sorry.

LadyLolaRuben · 15/06/2022 18:37

It wasn't nasty OP, she was stating an opinion perhaps based on you not taking part in previous events. You've done nothing wrong and neither have they. Go out with your work colleagues. It may feel difficult at times but you will probably feel better for doing it afterwards x

Original poster
user19282711 · 15/06/2022 18:38

Mally100 · 15/06/2022 18:36

You must have flaked many times for this comment? Have you?

No I've always gone if my name is down to go, there have been a few occasions which I haven't attended for various reasons but always explain why I am not going I never just don't turn up.

OP posts:
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 15/06/2022 18:38

The laughing was nasty .

Hugasauras · 15/06/2022 18:39

The laughing wasn't very kind of it was nastily done, but the comment is just kind of standard chat isn't it? We had the same discussion recently about someone who has a habit of signing up for things and then always bailing at last minute or just not showing up.

We were all amazed when he turned up Grin

Veryverycalmnow · 15/06/2022 18:46

I think this was really thoughtless of them. People can be so awful sometimes.

Veryverycalmnow · 15/06/2022 18:51

I think it sounds as if OP is just getting back to socialising again after covid, as many people still are. Not always being flaky. It's rubbish when people say stuff like that and laugh- it's not really funny.

Mar2022 · 15/06/2022 19:11

I have a friend who puts her name forward for lots of nights out/ socialising. She will even buy tickets, book accommodation etc and then something always comes up. She must have lost a lot of money. In some cases someone else can use the ticket and she gets her money back. Sometimes she loses the money.

Anytime I see she says she is going I always think I bet she won't go.
I don't laugh at her but I do wonder why she bother buying the tickets when she never goes.
I assume some sort of social anxiety that she wants to go but changes her mind as it gets close to the event (or on the day of the event).

AllHailKingLouis · 15/06/2022 19:12

People always say the same about me when I agree to do something like this. To be fair they’re normally right

OrlaOrka · 15/06/2022 19:15

You’re probably overthinking it a little bit. She shouldn’t have laughed about it tho that’s not nice. Make sure you do go out now and prove her wrong and she can shove her laughing and comments up her arse

jessieminto · 15/06/2022 19:24

I always put my name down for the the works Christmas party and never attend. I don't have social anxiety, I just don't want to go, but don't want to deal with all the questions about why not. I can't say anyone has ever noticed tbh. I've been accused of being smashed and doing stupid stuff before at nights out that I wasn't at.

I'd just ignore them and do whatever you want.

TowerRavenSeven · 15/06/2022 19:30

I think the comment and laughter was unkind, but I’m saying this as someone who right now should be at a group function! I don’t have social anxiety, I just don’t like groups. If someone had said that from my group and if I’d heard it, I’d be upset (even if things are true people don’t have to point it out).

GryffindorWarrior · 15/06/2022 19:32

The comment and laughing was bitchy but I’d prove them wrong by going and having a great time!

Rosebuud · 15/06/2022 19:33

Do they know you have anxiety? They might just think you often come up with excuses that they don’t believe to not go.

prove them wrong op

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/06/2022 19:37

The comment is nothing, the laughing is a bit mean, but if you've skipped a few things (even having given reasons) that most other people have been to, that's all she's referring to.

Don't make it more than it is, it's just bored chit chat.

Putasmellonyou · 15/06/2022 19:40

There is a lot of snideyness about people who are still trying to be a bit covid sensible from those who never have beloved in it/think it’s not still an issue for many thousands of people.

it’s not about you it’s about them and their prejudices

TheRookie · 15/06/2022 19:47

I have never heard of there being an issue with hair dye. I had my hair dyed at my hairdressers during both pregnancies, hair dresser said they don't advise against it!

Original poster
user19282711 · 15/06/2022 19:52

Rosebuud · 15/06/2022 19:33

Do they know you have anxiety? They might just think you often come up with excuses that they don’t believe to not go.

prove them wrong op

@Rosebuud

They know I was diagnosed with cancer during lockdown and how it has affected me. They know how hard I find it been in crowded/noisy environments in work after shielding for just over 12 months.

OP posts:
ISpyNoPlumPie · 15/06/2022 19:58

Gosh, I thought that was cruel even before the update…

Freerangechildren · 15/06/2022 20:07

Shit given your cancer diagnosis that is massively out of order. Yes I would be upset and I would probably report the behaviour to my line manager/HR

That is not okay op. So sorry they behaved that way, and I hope you are in recovery. Flowers

Mummybud · 15/06/2022 20:09

This isn’t what you’re asking, but I think you should go!

Ignore the lady who laughed, the reality is that she probably thinks you don’t go to things because you’d rather be somewhere else or you think you’re too good to go to work events - I doubt she realises you have anxiety which means you don’t feel comfortable. Go! Have fun! The worst bit is the lead-up, these things often turn out to be better than expected and if you’ve been feeling anxious and isolated you should push yourself a bit.