The tinder swindler

[AlternativePerspective]

I’ve just watched this for the first time.

The man was clearly a despicable conman, but:

While I can see how someone could fall fr his charms, be taken in by the lifestyle and believe that this was a genuine relationship, I find it really hard to understand how so many women ended up giving him so much money. To the extent some of them had hundreds and hundreds of thousands in debt. And to that end, I find it hard to understand how so many women fall for these internet scammers.

From the other side, the fact that he got only 15 months in jail is disgraceful. And since coming out of prison he’s done interviews for the media etc. Why is the media turning him into some kind of celebrity over this?

I felt the same! A while since I saw it but they were handing over the big bucks after eight weeks in!!! Madness.

that eejit going on she believes in the fairytale ….

Yeah who knows why they gave him any money. Idiots. I would have been out of there as soon as his hand came out. I’m not sure prison time for him was even justified though for the actions on the doco I saw. If you lend people money with no written agreement then shame on you.

I’m guessing that it was because he obtained money by deception.

While there weren’t any written agreements, the money he obtained from them was through lying and deceit, and there was plenty of written and video evidence to prove it.

Although wasn’t it a different crime he was sent to jail for in Israel? Passport forgery etc is also a crime.

These women lent him money because he was basically selling them a certain lifestyle. He took advantage of their greed. Not saying that's right.

I've seen it suggested that it was not a coincidence that he targeted Nordic women, and that perhaps some cultural element was at play.

I think these were a different breed of “victims” - different from the lonely widows who get scammed on line. I had a sense of dislike for some of the women - they appeared greedy and grasping BUT they shouldn’t have been scammed. I have also watched The Puppet Master, Making Anna Delvy, Bad Vegan and they all have a similar MO. The swindler heightens emotions and introduces fear and urgency alongside this is the last thing and we are nearly there - just one last lump sum etc …. like ground hog day. What’s never clear is what the swindler does with all the cash? The TS seemed to always just be paying out for unnecessary flights and hotels.

I watched the documentary and am shocked at the victim blaming in the posts so far. He constructed an elaborate scam designed to prey on the good nature of these women. He made them fall in love with him/or befriended them while pretending to be mega rich. He had constructed an elaborate cover story such that even googling him turned up fake web pages and articles seemingly supporting his story. He had a carefully curated Instagram showing a lavish lifestyle dating back years (they weren’t to know it was funded by prior victims). He had an entourage of Co-conspirators to also corroborate his scam story.

Once he had hooked them in, he launched the next phase of his scam. He faked attacks on his “bodyguard”. He had them convinced his life was in danger. He appealed to them as a lover/friend to temporarily help him out. They did. He even sent fake wire transfers to make them think he had reimbursed them the money.

I don’t think any of these women were greedy. One was not even romantically involved with him but thought they were good friends. I think it’s easy to judge other women harshly but honestly, given the elaborate cover he had built I can completely understand how they were taken in.

They wouldn’t have been taken in if he had created an elaborate hoax back story of being a postman I suspect.

I know it’s really hard to understand but I often work with people who get scammed like this and I’d say 95% of the time they know they’re being scammed but it’s worth it to them. It’s hard to break the cycle in them and they will admit that the money was worth it to have someone to pay them compliments and chat to them :(

Nope.

I can see how you might lend a partner the money to get out of a fix. But to take out loan after loan after loan to the tune of £250k for someone you’d known only for a matter of a few weeks?

I disagree. There are many scammers that operate on a lower level and scam lower sums of money from the kind hearted who they befriend. They don’t have a cover story of being the son of a billionaire, but they do pretend to have a sick relative in desperate need of special treatment in the US that you can’t get on the NHS. Or they knock on an elderly persons door pretending to be a roofing company working nearby that just happened to notice a hole in their roof. They get permission to put up a ladder to have a closer look and then come down with a fake photograph of roof damage and say you’re in luck, we can repair it for £400 right now. Then knock about with a hammer and hey presto roof is fixed. Or a big one is they start a fake GoFundMe page for a homeless person or whatever and then abscond with the money.

In the cases of these women, he was sending them fake wire transfers to reimburse the charges he was running up on their credit cards. By the time they figured out the wire transfer wasn’t legitimately bouncing back due to bank error but completely fake, he’d already run up thousands more. The fake wire transfers were always FAR more than what they had lent him and so gave them a false sense of assurance that it’s ok, they’re not going to lose out. In one case, he gave a woman a watch he said was worth £250k as surety to pay her back and it would have been enough if it hadn’t been a fake. Luckily his designer clothes weren’t fake and his last victim managed to grab them and sell them to recoup some of her losses.

It also wasn’t a matter of a few weeks. He typically wined, dined, private jetted them to exclusive resorts and holidays for months before he started to ask them for money.

I couldn't find any sympathy for these women. I watched it but was increasingly frustrated at their stupidity. Who lends that amount of money after a month. Only an idiot. They willingly gave him more and more money.

He took advantage of their greed and them wanting a life fit for the gram. I will never understand why any of them kept giving him money they didn't have.

I don't think it's as simple as you're suggesting OP. He spent large amounts of money on these women (often using one victim's money to target the next) and created a sense of gratitude/debt in these women.
He paid for their flights, hotels, restaurants. Then sets up a scenario where he's in serious trouble and asks for money. You'd have to be pretty cold-hearted at that point to say no.

I'm sure there was some aspect of being blinded bu the idea of marrying a guy that rich. But no more so than prople who put their money in get rich quick ponzi schemes. Only these women had their hearts broken too.

I think it’s easier to see how someone would fall for the lower level scams.

Someone needing a few hundred for instance or having a sick relative is pretty plausible on the face of it. But “my enemies are after me and could you lend me 30 grand,” come on. Most people wouldn’t even be in the position to do so without getting into debt. And most of them did exactly that, without even blinking. Alarm bells should have gone off at the first request, because it’s not as if these women were wealthy themselves.

It’s not dissimilar to the “could you launder money through my bank account in exchange for x million,” or the ones which claim you’ve won the lottery you never entered but just have to pay an admin fee to claim your prize. It’s pure greed gone wrong.

I just do not agree with the contention that these women believed him because they were greedy. It completely absolves the tinder swindler of any wrong doing. When we know he went to great lengths to build a complete cover and false identity. To say that creates a false narrative of these women somehow deserving to be scammed out of thousands of euros because they’re morally deficient gold diggers or stupid. It’s victim blaming pure and simple.

I understand it’s only natural as a defence mechanism to think “this couldn’t happen to me because I am not greedy and not stupid” But that’s a knee jerk reaction to be honest because it could have been you.

These are two totally different types of scams and dynamics.

With the TS there was always something in it down the line for the victim - a lavish lifestyle. That was a significant component to their compliance and motivation.

And it’s not illegal to want / believe / desire that - but he tapped deep into this aspiration. And these specific women I believe would not have funded (invested) in a postman relationship.

I read a similar explanation

You can’t make someone fall in love with you. You can sell them a fantasy and some people are more liable to fall for it than others but while manipulative and an absolute scum bag he wasn’t a magician.

I really enjoyed the revenge of the last one. Her cold rage and glee were something to behold.

OP, it’s a different scenario but have you listened to the podcast Sweet Bobby? A lot of people had similar bafflement at that.

No one has said it completely absolves him of any wrong doing. He was 100% responsible for the deceit. But he specifically targeted aspirational women who were triggered to comply by this lifestyle carrot. So IMHO the dynamic played a part. Might be just me but I balked at their Instagram “lifestyles” - also when the women was videoing herself viewing outrageously priced rentals and taking off within him in a private jet within hours - I was gob-smacked …. but that was also part of him MO - everything urgent / instant - no time for the victims to think it through.

The lavish lifestyle wasn’t down the line. For all these women, he had provided lavish meals/private jet flights/ 5 holidays and such well before* he faked the life in danger scenario to get money from them. He created in them a sense of indebtedness and obligation to help him out.

What is the thinking on the Nordic cultural angle?