To not understand why parents hate their kids getting tattoos

[lailamaria]

Obviously this applies to adult children but it's something i've come across a lot and never really understood it, is it because parents feel some sort of ownership over their kids bodies or is it something different.

This isn't a brag or anything but my mum's never been bothered, she has 2 tattoos herself with extremely sentimental meaning (although i think people should get tattoos whether their sentimental or not) and for my sister's 18th she even paid for her to get one as her birthday present.

I understand not liking tattoos on yourself but demanding your adult children don't get them or even talk them out of getting them I think is rather rude when their paying for them themselves with their own money. My aunt used to ask my cousin to cover hers up just because she hated it (it was a flower on her back so it wasn't like the tattoo was offensive.)

I'm not trying to judge truly I personally just find it strange

I'm in my 50's I don't have any tattoos and I really dislike them and dh feels the same. DD knows my feelings on tattoos, at the moment she feels the same but ultimately it's her body if she wants one in the future that is her choice.

Tattoos are body decorations. They are literally to be on display, unless they are the ones in a hidden place.

Why on earth do people expect others to not judge them, or get offended if others like or dislike them? People judge haircuts and jewellery and clothes and makeup and all sorts of external decorations.

Why did you have one unless you want it to be seen? Do you imagine the world is full of people who don't notice what you look like?

I would stay quiet if any of mine had got one, however I have several friends who went through laser treatment to get rid of the ones they'd had put on in their teens, so I wouldn't be keen, as I know people regret what they have had done at that age.

However my only one who I think would consider it, is also needle phobic, so it's not something I've thought too much about it.

@SomethingOnce

The "cessation of opinion formation" isn't something I was advocating. I was simply advocating not being a prick with your opinion.

Calling people rough/chav/common etc for looking a certain way is probably not the best way to reasonably put your opinion across, when asked for it. Basic manners and conversational skills should cover that.

I've said for years that in the tattooed vs no tattoos 'debate' the only side who are outwardly unpleasant, judgemental and insulting to the other is the non tattooed. You'll be hard pushed to find a group of non tattooed people who are saying the equivalent of the things that are being said in this thread.

In fact, the most absurd comments on here, like the parent who is willing to bribe her children to not get tattoos, to the ones who have called others unpleasant names are not from the tattooed people putting their point across. Those have been measured responses.

You made a valiant attempt at being patronising though, well done.

I know this is an anonymous forum, but some of the views expressed on this subject have been quite shitty! I don't have any tattoos but I can appreciate them on others, I like that they have meaning, some are really cool, and I like them on the elderly too! They get a nice weathered look to them, a long life lived.

I would encourage my dc to think it through, I know people with massive cover-ups due to poor tattoo/tattoo artist decisions they made when they were young (although they all tell a story).

Do you imagine the world is full of people who don't notice what you look like?

No but I was under the impression that the rule of thumb was ‘if you haven’t got anything nice to say don’t say anything at all’ when it comes to permanent features.

If my face is generally unfortunate and I posted a picture you wouldn’t come tell me I looked like a jam jar full of squashed arseholes would you?

Tramp stamps. Sorry but when I see one I always just think 'scratter'.

My adult daughter can do what she likes. I don't have to like it though.

A scratter is a hand cranked apple pulping machine. I fail to see the connection.

🤣🤣 if you posted your face on here people probably would . Irl they wouldn't dare

I'm glad we are moving away (all be it to slowly) from a world where it's ok to judge someone on the way they look.

No, it's become (a bit) less ok to judge someone out loud, in person, on the way they look. We will never move away from a world where people are judged on their appearance. Imo it's an absolutely inherent human trait.

Even the people who berate others for judging on appearances really mostly only mean that people shouldn't judge people who look like them. They are often quite happy to judge the appearance of those they decide are 'Karens' or 'gammons' or whatever group they've decided are different enough from them to be fair game.

Who cares what they look like when you're 80. 😂 It's hardly as if you're going to look stunning in the buff without them anyway.

Personally I am not a fan but each to their own.

Whenever anyone asks me what my tattoos will look like when I’m old, I always say “wrinkly, like everyone else!”

Everyone will look old at 80. So what

I'm always surprised by how conservative people are on mumsnet. So much fretting about not getting a "good" job or looking "tacky" (the HORROR) because you have a tattoo. Tacky is subjective & I have never, in all my years of HR experience, heard of anyone being refused a job because of tattoos. Poor hygiene has been a frequent reason, as has a stinking attitude. In my line of work, you're certainly more likely to fail an interview because of a rigid, inflexible view of the world than if you have a picture of a dolphin on your ankle.

I wonder how many of the people talking about "poisoning your body with ink" drink alcohol. Or dye their hair. Or smoke. Or take drugs. Or eat junk food.

Yes, because doing those non-permanent things is EXACTLY the same, isn't it?

Why do you care that others think the way they do? Tattoo yourself from head to foot if you want but accept that the result may be a barrier to something that you want. Best just not to care and do what you want without the need for validation/acceptance of it.

I'm pretty ambivalent about tatoos. I can admire well-executed, meaningful tatoos, but I never had a burning desire for anything I'd want permanently on my body and aging with me. I'm not saying never and it's got a few less decades to age on me than a celtic arm band would have done (not seen one for years).

If I knew my children wanted one, I'd try to encourage them to consider placement (weight gain, stretch marks, prone to aging, coverage) and if it's something "on trend" or deeply personal and less likely to date. I think that's fairly sensible before doing something expensive and personal.

When you're young, you're more susceptible to trends and out-growing your choices. It might feel profound at the time but there's usually few defining moments in your life at that point to want to symbolise in unique body art.

The biggest thing that put me off one myself was the traditional arm tatoo on my mum's boyfriend. He'd worked in a manual field where they were acceptable and by his 60s the thing was a murky, blurred mess all over his forearms.

My profession is one where tatoos are generally still expected to be covered up. Easier for men in long shirts. It can be possible to get away with something subtle away from where people focus e.g. the foot, but arm tatoos would mean a commitment to long sleeves in all weathers. The younger you are, the more potentially limiting a tatoo choice could be. A friend was recently disapointed that her 18-20 yo had a tatoo come down her wrist to her hand. It was actually nicely done, but it could affect employment options and hands age badly from high sun exposure

My teens want tattoos. As someone with a bit more life experience than them, I have told them to think long and hard about it given the permanence (and obviously only from the age of 18). I have also told that if they wait and have researched and considered carefully then I will pay for them to have it done in the best place possible to avoid them having it done cheaply!

@smashmakesmash
A friend recently got a tattoo. The waiting list for the particular artist was over 6 months. (Although they weren't especially expensive)

@Fizbosshoes
That's great. The longer the wait the better 😀

If I hadn't been strongly advised not to get a tattoo as a teenager, I would now have the cover of Primal Scream's Screamadelica on my arm. SO glad I listened to my parents.
Any of my friends who got tattoos in their teens/student years now hate them and try to cover them. Chinese symbols/barbed wire etc.
That's why I will advise my children not too, its a permanent decision.

Nightlystroll you said tatoos look rough.. ? What are you meaning exactly?

Heh heh. Recently noticed on her very high thigh, a mark on my eldest DD's thigh. Went and asked for a closer look, and yes, it was a small tattoo. Which she swore and declared she hadn't been hiding, we just hadn't noticed - she had to be in a very high cut swim suit for it to be visible!

Youngest DD had texted her, 'oh shit, Mum's seen your tattoo'. Both of them thought the floodgates of parental wrath were going to open. She's eighteen, for God's sake! It's her body. Not mine. She gets autonomy over her body, to live by her opinions and desires just as I do. That's what matters far more to me than whether someone has a tattoo. Respecting their right to live their life, in their body, according to their beliefs. (I was, however, annoyed that it had been done by a friend, not a professional).

There's some beautiful ink work around. There's some pretty awful ink work. (I had a boss who had been taken out by his 'mates' in the navy, got drunk, and had a giant penis tattooed on his arm. He was a dickhead, but that was not cool. . .)

It's her body. Not mine. She gets autonomy over her body, to live by her opinions and desires just as I do.

I'm glad someone has some common sense.

I'm not keen, though both my daughters have them.

On the other hand, I think that anything that's described as 'common' by the sort of people who describe things as 'common' ought to be encouraged, subsidised and possibly made obligatory.

I'd guess that many parents see it as limiting their child's options or opportunities, something they'll possibly come to regret.

As a parent, you've seen that child grow from an infant, including their perfect baby skin. Maybe the thought of them marking that skin with permanent ink feels instinctively wrong.

Ultimately, I wouldn't try to stop an adult from having a tattoo if they wanted it, though if they are young, I might privately worry they'll change their mind and regret it later on. A small tattoo in place that's easy to hide is worlds away from something large and difficult to keep covered up, so if someone I felt responsible for was thinking of getting a face tattoo, I'd be more likely to encourage them to consider it carefully.