Should a 33 year old man know better?

[namegamechangers]

Name changed.

DP is insistent on not using condoms for the full duration of sex, but says he is keen to avoid pregnancy. I am not on any other form of birth control and have made it known abortion is not birth control.

YANBU - he secretly wants to get me pregnant
YABU - he is just foolish

ps - my dh is 44, so should definitely know better...

Yes, I would like to get pregnant, I am 41 so last chance saloon....

Does it matter which it is? Unless you want to find yourself pregnant and alone with no support, financial or otherwise, you should probably use some form of contraception yourself.

You don’t have to get pregnant with some deadbeat guy you have other options if you’d like a child

Oh so, re your update, again as long as you’re fine with going it alone, then up to you I suppose. He’s made his choice - for the avoidance of doubt - not taking steps to prevent pregnancy.

Well you know you won't see him for dust if you do get pregnant. So crack on if you're happy with that.

I think you should carry on then, you’ve made it clear to him that you are not using any form of contraception and you are therefore very likely to get pregnant. Just be prepared for him to jump ship if and when you do get pregnant…and the potential fraught nature of coparenting with an ex if he does decide he wants in down the line. You might be better using a sperm donor if this is an option?

You both sound like idiots and I hope you're earning enough to bring any resulting child up without any financial, emotional or practical input from the moron you're currently snagging.

😂Agreed.

if you are okay being a a single parent then carry on. Don’t mean that to sound harsh but I don’t think he would stick around. If you want a child and can afford it on your own then go for it.

If he wants to avoid pregnancy but won't use contraception, he's an idiot. I can't see any reason why he would be secretive about wanting a child, seeing as you want one. If you don't mind having such a man as the potential father of your child, crack on.

Then look into sperm donation. Sleeping with a man and trying to get pregnant by him when he’s made it clear he doesn’t want kids is selfish in the extreme. A child doesn’t deserve to know they were unwanted. And (because I suspect this is your mindset) you won’t change this man. He won’t suddenly think ‘wow now that she’s pregnant I’d love to be a wonderful partner and father.’ He’ll just chuck you and find someone else.

Your 41. He probably assumes it’s unlikely you will become pregnant.

He doesn't think you'll fall pregnant and, if you do, that it would very much be a you problem. Even if you didn't agree to an abortion, he could walk away quite easily since he doesn't have to carry and birth the baby.

Not sure if this is relevant, but I could probably manage on my own.

I inherited a very substantial sum from my ex husband so no longer need to work. DP is also reasonably wealthy (we live in New York, both own apartments in Manhattan) and has a great job that takes up much of his time.

We have been dating 1 year, he is a nice guy in other areas of life. I was robbed at gunpoint a few months ago and since then he has often had to come to my apartment at short notice as I am very anxious about intruders now. He is great in all areas, it's just this one sex thing I cannot get my head around.

If you want to be a single mum it sounds like you're with the right man.

You wouldn't be asking on here if you were sure this man actually wants to raise a child with you would you.

Be honest do you feel like he's using you for bareback sex?

I think you are both foolish. He doesn't want a child but won't use contraception properly and you don't use contraception but would quite like a child and for some reason think this is a mature way to go about starting a family. He's being remarkably cavalier because he'll be gone in a flash if you get pregnant.

This

I would say less foolish, more he is not bothered about you getting pregnant, as that would be a
you problem.

If you think he's good enough to father your kids-crack on!

In a nutshell, he's a selfish prick who has no respect for you or any other woman & you're a fool for sleeping with him.

Aim higher.

Where is your opinion??!

condoms are so thin now there is no difference - I wouldn’t let any man I thought wasn’t 100% committed to marriage baby and me fo this ever and I’m nearly 50!

You are a lot more foolish than him, given you could be having a child with a child.

But yep he’s foolish too.

Get a grip and stop having sex until you sort out birth control, and/or dump him, and/or figure out what the fuck you are on.

If you won't mind being tied to him forever, then crack on. Personally, I'd go down the sperm donor route rather than be stuck with an idiot in my life because of a child.

Alternatively he prefers no condom and does not care what might happen to you, has no intention of sticking around if anything does 'happen'.

Not attractive.

I'm sorry you are even contemplating having a child in these circumstances.