How did you explain surgery to a 3 year old?

[Algarythmnmadness]

My DD3 is due to have surgery in a couple of weeks. I've downloaded the little journey app as recommended by the hospital and I've started talking to her about seeing Dr's etc.

Looking for experience of what you may have told your toddlers about it all? It's not major surgery, but it will be an overnight stay and she will most likely feel rotten afterwards for a few days.

Also, the thing (at the moment) that is stressing me out the most is getting DD to hospital in the morning without any milk or breakfast. I just don't know how I'm going to explain to her that she can't have a cup of milk or her beloved weetabix for breakfast. Do I lie and say we're going somewhere special for breakfast?

The nil by mouth situation is stressing me out more than the operation at the moment lol

I think you need to try to explain beforehand that she wont be able to have breakfast but engage her in talking about favourite treats she can have when its all over so she gets excited about that instead. Hope it all goes well

Re the breakfast part, when you are talking to her about it you can tell her that it's important not to eat before you have operations/have the special medicine that makes you go to sleep/go to the hospital (whatever level of understanding she has) BUT you get a special breakfast afterwards!

Unless she is having her tonsils out or some other reason she won't be able to eat when she comes out of recovery. You can talk about the special foods she can have (e.g. jelly, ice blocks) if necessary.

I think it's gonna be a game of distraction that might help!

unfortunately yes it is tonsils, adenoids out and grommets being fitted in both ears.

I think I may have to go with the ice cream as a treat when she comes around.

When my daughter was 5 she had a hernia operation. I told her that she would be given something that was really amazing! It would put her right to sleep even though she would try her best not to sleep! Very soon after she would wake and the bump on her tummy would be gone. No talk of needles, scalpels, or anything scary.

Ah tonsils. Talk up the ice cream (I don't know why I wrote ice blocks! I meant ice lollies in UK vernacular) and jelly. I bet she doesn't have that every day.

Can you play hospital with one of her teddies? When children brought their teddies into hospital I always tried to treat Teddy just like the patient with their own littlw makeshift gown and bandages, I found it helps.
I wouldn't make too many promises of food as grommets can make them feel very nauseous.

Do not lie to her, she won't trust you in the future!

Don't make it a big deal, something alone the lines of DD you know how you have had a poorly throat / ears, next week the doctors are going to try and make it better. On the day, we need to go see the doctors at the hospital, you can't have breakfast that day because they need to give you some medicine but I will be there the whole time and when you wake up you can have what ever you want to eat, even ice cream and jelly!

Kids pick up your anxiety, they won't. Don't let them know you think its a big deal.

DS still remembers being allowed to have ice-cream before his fish fingers for lunch after the same operation (he was about 5 though) as pudding first was a huge treat!

I'd be wondering if she actually needs the surgery tbh. She'll probably grow out of any problems she has.

I had my tonsils out when I was 5, nearly 50 years ago. Everyone told me I would get ice cream afterwards. I was so excited - it was a real treat in those days, we didn't have a freezer at home.

I wasn't given ice cream, or anything soft afterwards and I was soo disappointed and felt I had been lied to. Please check what the current situation with food is before promising things.

Luckily everything has improved so much since then. My parents could only visit for an hour each afternoon. They weren't even allowed to visit on the day of the op. I still remember going to theatre on my own.

Will there be a play specialist at the hospital? We had someone come round the ward before anything medical happened. She had loads of photos and cartoons and talked through the whole process.

Slightly different, but we used to have a Disney Winnie the Pooh book, and for a while I rued the day someone bought it, as DD1 used to love the story about Winnie the Pooh going to see doctor Owl for his annual check up and vaccinations that we had to read it every night, and I had to act it out with her doctor bag as well, and also it wasn't 'proper' Winnie the Pooh. 🙄

Until the day she had her pre-school jabs and was positively excited about it and made no fuss whatsoever!

So, you know your child OP, but perhaps reading about it in a light-hearted way and playing doctors together might help.

You could watch Operation Ouch (CBeebies, I think you can find older episodes online) with her - they have an episode in which someone gets their tonsils out.

Don’t lie.

in my experience with ds her age will
mean she will probably be early on the list for the day.

make use of play specialist on the ward they are fantastic at distracting. When Ds was younger we used to get a new toy especially for operation day to distract him then magazines, iPad full of favourite shows etc.

also remember to think of you. Chances are you won’t eat before she goes down either so make sure you get something while she is in surgery as much as you may not feel like. Take plenty of drinks for you.

if she has a favourite drink then make sure you have some with you for adter to help keep her drinking

My child had cancer at 2 and treatment lasted until they were 3. We had lots of surgeries and nil by mouth for scans etc. As well as needles everywhere and general poking around. I would say always tell the truth. My son dealt with everything amazingly (I was in bits) and just understood.

Buy a little present for afterwards and just explain that they need to have lots of dinner as can't have anything in the morning. I found the early start for a morning list made everything a bit exciting.

Are they having a general - suggest you look up how they put a mask on their face to put them to sleep. A friend had prewarned me and I was very grateful as they (child) struggle to get the mask off. I would have found it very difficult if I hadn't known in advance.

Good luck and hope it goes well.

Thanks for your replies, some good tips!

I had my tonsils out when I was 3 (40 years ago I might add) and the hospital nearly killed me. Left a vessel open inside and I vomited so much blood I had to have a blood transfusion. It's probably one of my earliest memories, I can remember which bed I was in on the ward so there's a fair amount of anxiety going on about that I think.

I will ask about a play specialist but I think honestly (without the scary bits) is the best policy.

@CakesOfVersailles I will definitely mention the ice cream but I don't think she has ever had jelly lol.

@Notever she definitely needs the surgery, her sleep apnea is awful, so is her general breathing. She's been suffering since she was 12 months old. I certainly don't take the surgery lightly, but I do honestly think she'll be much happier after it.

Don't lie. About breakfast or discomfort. I mean don't tell her it will be horrendous but be factual and upfront so she knows what to expect and isn't caught by surprised which will make her unsettled.

Re the food I would tell her that she is going to hospital for the doctor to fix her [tummy/ amr/ whatever]. To do that he needs to put her in a lovely sleep and she is not able to eat before that. Once she wakes up she will have a lovely breakfast. And then all the reassurances, mummy will be with her when she has her naps and when she wakes up etc etc

Oh and I should add that she goes to ballet each week and the teacher has loaned her the bear called Twinkle who she absolutely adores. So she is coming with us for the operation so I'll see if I can fashion her with a gown etc.

Thanks for the tip about Cbeebies Ouch I'll definitely look at that now.

Hope it goes well for her x

@Notever , they don’t do tonsils lightly these days, haven’t for quite a while now.
Even years ago our GP thought a dd needed her tonsils out - she was getting repeated severe infections. I took her to the consultant, who tried to start lecturing me about it rarely being necessary - I stopped him by explaining that it was the GP who thought it necessary - I was not one of ‘those’ mothers.

He took one look and said he had to agree.

Thank you so much for that. Children are so resilient aren't they. Hope your little one is doing ok now xxx

I've had 2 years of trying to get the GP's interested - most of it through covid so it was especially hard. In the end it was a health visitor who told me to take no for an answer. I still couldn't get anywhere with the GP so I decided to be cheeky and I googled the ENT specialist at our local childrens hospital (which is also a trauma centre). A lead consultant there had an email address so I just decided to email him. There's a lot in her history that I haven't put on this post - such as she is a prem twin, had other issues etc etc. Anyway he replied within 45 minutes saying he'd be very happy to see her and to contact my GP showing evidence of the email. I did that the next day and got a referral letter straight away.

He took one look at her tonsils, heard her breathing, diagnosed moderate hearing loss due to the fluid on her ears - which was also causing speech delay, and she was put on an urgent waiting list.

My Ds had his tonsils out at 3 and half due to breathing issues and we just said that we was going to get a special throat check in the hospital. We didn't say anything about pain, why scare them. They are really good with kids. They will talk to your child, but you can explain to them what you want said.

Also he did need the full 2 weeks to recover and needed painkillers that whole time. He seemed ok after about a week, but it was actually still very painful when we cut out the painkillers too early. My Ds has never been a lie on the sofa type when unwell, but this wiped him out. Totally worth it but I underestimated how much it would affect him.

My DD had lots of hospital visits. Dont lie but also dont over load her with information. Explain she cant have breakfast the night before and try to just get up and go on the morning of her op. Also dont have nay food in your bag, my DD when that age and waiting to go down would empty my bag out looking for food!