How did you explain surgery to a 3 year old?

[Algarythmnmadness]

My DD3 is due to have surgery in a couple of weeks. I've downloaded the little journey app as recommended by the hospital and I've started talking to her about seeing Dr's etc.

Looking for experience of what you may have told your toddlers about it all? It's not major surgery, but it will be an overnight stay and she will most likely feel rotten afterwards for a few days.

Also, the thing (at the moment) that is stressing me out the most is getting DD to hospital in the morning without any milk or breakfast. I just don't know how I'm going to explain to her that she can't have a cup of milk or her beloved weetabix for breakfast. Do I lie and say we're going somewhere special for breakfast?

The nil by mouth situation is stressing me out more than the operation at the moment lol

We had this same scenario OP, minus the grommets (which surprised me as I have grommets 😄).

Do you have an early admission time? We kept DC upstairs in our bed in pjs with something to watch on the tablet, as he was being admitted to the ward at 7.30am. changed him into clean PJ's and straight from upstairs to the car. He was slightly younger at just under 3, and we'd told him that he was going to go to sleep at the hospital and they'd help him to sleep better at night etc. He was so tired from his sleep apnea that he napped on the hospital bed until he went to theatre! They did take him down first because he was the youngest on the list that day.

They eat as normal now after the surgery. DC ate a load of toast without so much as a wince because of the painkillers. The chips and beans later on the other hand....

Oh by the way after he work up we said they had to take out your T&-As when they did your throat check, but honestly I don't think he understood but I know people ask him about having them out.

My daughter had the same operation shortly after her 3rd birthday. She was able to eat around an hour after coming back to the room and the surgeon said it would probably be the last time she would want to eat for a few days as the pain killers are so high right after. The surgery was 36 minutes exactly, from putting her to sleep in my arms (we opted for gas instead of needle to fall asleep), to her being woken up with me next to her in recovery.

We played games and watched netflix before and lots of netflix and cuddles after. She went home in the afternoon.

It depends a bit whether she is just past 2 or nearly 4 - I'm thinking older if she does ballet?

I bought my DD a book called ollie's tonsils which was brilliant. It explained almost to the letter what would happen in hospital, without going into unnecessary or scary detail. I woke definitely recommend.

My dd had her tonsils and adenoids out in March. Happy to give further info if it would help.

No lying. Prepare her well in advance about no eating the morning of the op. Don't eat in front of her and whatever you do don't show any stress.
Help her pack a back with a few toys/books etc. and plan a great day out for when it's all over (remind her of this if she gets nervous)

This is a sweet little book about a boy who goes to hospital to have his tonsils out, it covers each step and IIRC it includes the fact that he can't eat before the operation and has some food afterwards. I recommend it.

Going to the Hospital (First Experiences)
amzn.eu/d/1s8q0TW

Actually it's about ears not tonsils sorry!

You might find some of the info hear useful.
www.rcoa.ac.uk/patient-information/patient-information-resources/information-children-parents-carers
I agree 100% with those who have said don't lie. Over the years I have cared for many little patients whose parents haven't told them anything, or worse, have told them that they are coming to have a haircut, their photo taken or even that they are going to the cinema. It always makes matters worse. The run up to the day might be easier if you keep them in the dark but the actual events and aftermath are worse. Even little kids soon realise they have been duped and as well as sometimes causing really extreme distress at the time there is potential for longer term trust issues.
Likewise don't make promises that you can't keep or which are unrealistic. I have had parents swearing to their child that there will be no needles, right before I'm about to put a cannula in or take blood, or promising that an operation won't hurt one tiny bit. It's far better to be honest in my experience. Yes, there is a needle but we have put the special cream on so you don't feel it. It might be a bit sore afterwards so we will give you medicine to make you feel better. The special medicine that helps you go to sleep does smell a bit funny but only for a short time. And so on. Use age appropriate terms and if you don't know something, be honest and say that you don't know but will try to find out or that your DD can ask the doctors and nurses when you go to the hospital.
Fasting is difficult at this age. Distraction is your friend. As a PP said, it's likely that your DD will be early on the list, and extended fasting periods are avoided as much as possible nowadays so you may well be able to give her clear fluids in the morning when you get up so it's not quite as bad as it used to be.
The staff will make your stay as smooth as they can I am sure. I don't think it can ever be an exactly enjoyable experience of course but a lot more effort goes into making the environment child friendly and so on nowadays so it's a lot better than it used to be. And they won't keep you in any longer than necessary.
Distraction is useful before and afterward theatre so take something new if you can - a film not seen before, new book or small toy - as well as a familiar comforter if she has one.
Make sure you look after you too. Use the time she is in theatre to eat and drink yourself, and take something to occupy you as it will probably feel like ages even though it isn't! And stock up on snacks and drinks for yourself for afterwards on the ward as it might not be easy for you to go out to get something. You need to look after yourself so that you can look after her, so don't neglect your own needs.
I hope it all goes well.

yes admission is 7.45am, but the hospital is a good 30-40 minute drive so we're likely to set off at 6.45am to get parked etc.

DD is a twin so we're planning on her sister spending the night with my parents. They're very close and one going out with the other would cause a bit of distress, plus I don't want DD to see her sister tucking into breakfast lol

The food is worrying me a little. DD has a fabulous appetite but she is absolutely tiny and doesn't have any spare weight to lose. She is on the 0.4th centile for weight. I was told that it was a 2 week recovery time so I'm planning on those two weeks being a bit tough

Hope the operation went well for your DC xx

Why would you say that? You know nothing about the kid and their medical history.

They don't do this operation for the sake of it I had to push for it for 2 years while they piss arsed about with antibiotics and 'seeing how it goes'.

Eventually after severely delayed speech through recurrent ear infections and difficult hearing, heavy breathing, tonsils like golf balls and many raging infections and temperatures they finally did the tonsillectomy and grommets and we've never looked back. Everything righted itself once the operation was done.

she is just a couple of months past her 3rd birthday, but she is absolutely tiny. Still wearing 9-12 month clothes in some instances. Because of this it has been planned that she will stay in overnight for observation.

Thank you for the book recommendation, I will definitely have a look at that.

oh wow hope your DD is fully recovered? I guess I'm a little worried about her appetite, when did your DD get her appetite back? Has the surgery made a big difference to her already?

Following with interest as in the same situation so grateful for lots of useful advice. Although toilet trained, would you advise a pull up on a 3 year old for the time in hospital? Not sure how he would cope during surgery/in distress afterwards so wondering if that would be useful just for the day until we get home?

See if the hospital have play therapists that can give you some ideas for preparation- they are usually quite helpful

We found that the two week estimate for recovery was bang on. The first week, we kept on top of painkillers, alternating calpol and ibuprofen.
Was definitely off his food, but we find he'll drink milk regardless so we just served up favourites and lots of full fat milk.
Ours was also only a tiny thing before, but has since gone through many growth spurts and is now quite caught up with peers. The sleep apnea definitely affects their weight and growth.

I believe Daniel Tiger has a good episode about him being in hospital (can't remember if he had surgery or not).

When ds was 3yo, I told him the night before we were going to the hospital and he couldn't have anything to eat in the morning. In the morning I just distracted until it was time to go.
He marched straight up to the nurses and informed them "My mummy is trying to starve me to death. She won't give me any food." To which they said "good". He was affronted. 🤣

At 6yo when he had the next set of grommets, I explained more thoroughly and gave him the option of a midnight feast, or woken at about 6am, which was about an hour earlier than normal. He chose the midnight feast, so I talked with him what he wanted, which was to go out on his scooter and scoot to the park and back at midnight and then come back and have egg sandwiches and hot chocolate. He loved that.

@Algarythmnmadness sorry it won't let me quote your post

She's fully recovered now and it absolutely was the right thing for her. She had sleep apnoea and really never slept properly her whole life. It's only since being diagnosed with the sleep apnoea that I recognise how poor her sleep has always been. Her tonsils for a year before the op were so large and swollen they physically joined. She had recurrent bouts of tonsillitis and would also lose her hearing (this is the only thing that hasn't been resolved).

The op itself was ok - it was emotional doing the anaesthetic thing (but for me, not for her at all). The op took around 30 ish minutes I think and I stayed outside theatre to be there when she woke and they took me straight into the recovery room.

Afterwards when we got back to the ward she was ravenous! She ate an entire ham and cheese sandwich. The wonders of morphine I suppose and I was lulled into a false sense that it was all quite easy . After that she ate very little for about 10 days or so. We struggled getting her to take painkillers as well and she would be quite distressed, especially at night when she woke with the pain. She lived off smoothies and milkshakes. It was pretty tough. So I'd say prepare yourself for things being more difficult before they are better, if that makes sense.

But right at the end of the 2 week recovery and just before she was due to return to childcare, she asked to go to pizza express (her favourite place) and she ate enormous amounts of everything. And after that she was completely back to normal. And now, she doesn't remember the bad bits of the whole thing, she just remembers that she didn't get to stay overnight at the hospital which they said she might and she wanted to do .

Good luck, it's horrid, but definitely worth it. Hugs for you and your dd

I took pull ups for my daughter (she was trained in the day but not at night) and she wore one after the op but was also happy to use the bathroom on the ward.

Another mum of a cancer kid here - in my experience I wouldn’t talk too much about it it. Don’t create a big build up. Just be factual and positive and deal with it as it unfolds rather than overthinking it all. Hospital staff tend to be lovely with little ones and you’ll probably be pleasantly surprised, especially compared to your own horrid experience. Hope it goes well.

Misses point, but this is really sad. I hope you have had plenty of ice cream to make up for it