To be dreading this and not know what to do?

[ChubbyButt]

I grew up in quite an athletic family, particularly my brother, who is now a personal trainer. He lives abroad. My family have taken issue with my weight for as long as I can remember.

My brother is older than I am so he moved abroad when I was 14. When I was 17 he came back for a summer. I'm 158cm and weighed 49kg then. He made me a "plan" to follow then and my mum drove me to the gym every day (rural area) to make sure I followed it. A few years ago, I had DS and, when he was about 4-5 months old, my brother came to stay again - I was 65kg then. We were all staying at my parent's house and, one morning when DH went downstairs to make tea, my brother and my sister "ambushed" him saying that we needed to discuss my weight and put a plan together going forward. DH politely told them it's being sorted (trying to avoid a conflict) but was fuming afterwards.

My weight is always brought up whenever my brother is there. My sister almost never brings it up without him and my mum literally never does unless he's there (my mum is bigger than I am). When my brother is around, I get constant comments about what I'm eating or why I'm not exercising or what I'm wearing - often I'll be served meals without the carbs or not offered dessert when everyone else is. It's relentless - I feel like every action is being judged. If I sit down then I'm asked "do you fancy walking the dog?" or "should we do some yoga?", if I'm shopping then I can't even consider getting anything unhealthy... It's horrible and so stressful. Funnily, my other brother (who doesn't comment on my weight at all) is actually pretty large and no one ever says a single word (nor should they!)

I'm now 33 weeks pregnant, I weigh 75kg and my brother has announced he's coming to the UK from when I'm 38 weeks through to 3 weeks after my due date. I'm dreading it. The absolute last thing I want is for him to be judging my body right now. Even if I tell him to fuck right off, the comments and the judgement will continue. I just don't want to see him at all.

I would politely tell him to mind his own business and everyone for that matter. I am a size 16 5 2 am rounded but happy with my body. Manners makes me not mention weight to any human being. Once at a family celebration my brother said to me watch your weight or i would end up like my overweight ds. I did not speak to him for years as this was said within earshot of lots of people. We left as my dh was disgusted. Your body your life. Avoid these people and learn to love yourself.

You do know this isn't normal?

Are you aware you were a totally healthy weight aged 17, and only a scrap over the BMI ideal when you weighed 65kg, but you'd just had a baby! I get the impression you think your brother is correct although rude. Have you realised he is also completely wrong and you are a perfectly healthy size?

Tell him your body is producing a baby, when his can do that he can have an opinion on yours

He can't be a very good PT if he doesn't understand how counterproductive he is being. Suggest he upskills himself.
Tell him, "DB, whenever you talk to me like that I feel the urge to eat 10 large pizzas. Don't make your lack of people skills my problem. Now fuck off and leave me to enjoy my pregnancy and new baby."

If you're not going to stand up for yourself, then do this. If he's as concerned for your weight as he says, then he'll stop as he won't want you eating this stuff. (FWIW, I think he's a bully rather than being concerned and I'd also not want his behaviour around my DCs as that stuff absolutely rubs off on them).

Contact him before the visit and tell him his behaviour had been harassing and bullying. Tell him you are no longer willing to accept that behaviour.

Copy your family into the email.

Repeat as required. Be firm.

If he repeats behaviour he has no respect for you.then go low contact.

What happens when he starts picking on your children when they are older?

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