To consider delaying Reception class entry?

[Aneteamalore]

Would love to hear your experience and thoughts around delaying school entry for DCs with a term or two (not a complete year)? Will they be disadvantaged when making friends as everyone else already knows each other? Do they have to play catch-up with the others academically and socially?

My DC is due to start Reception in Sep but I don’t think his social and personal skills are developed enough tbh. The school sent out some leaflets containing what children are expected to know by the time they start, like putting on their shoes and coats. I assume they should also be able to feed themselves properly and use the toilet alone. If so, I think my DC will really struggle. DC is also very timid around other children and can have full-on meltdowns a few times per day. I have no idea what the expectations really are in Reception class but I have some worries.

I would either delay a full year if summer born or start as planned on september. Theres no advantage to delaying a term or 2 but for them to fall further behind.

You have the summer to teach them to put their coat on, use the toilet and eat a meal unaided.

I think the fact that he is a timid would put him at a huge disadvantage to start later. It's only mid June, could you make a massive effort to try to improve these things with him before September?

If you delay, delay by the year not by a term or two. They will constantly be playing catch up academically and socially. It will cause more issues.

When is their birthday? You still have a couple of months to teach the basics ready for school.

Not summer-born so cannot delay a whole year unfortunately. Of course I would love to teach all the required skills beforehand, the problem is I can’t. DC refuses to try and do these things alone, if I start pushing for it, then violent outbursts, fighting, general unhappiness follows. Just not ready, i think, in these aspects.

Does he go to a nursery/preschool now? They will be getting all the kids ready for reception and will be able to give you a steer on what he needs.

You know your child better than anyone at this point. I have worked in early childhood education (not in the UK) for many years. I have seen too many children pushed into formal schooling before they are ready. Whilst some children thrive many fall between the cracks. does your child go to daycare? If so speak to his teachers they will have a good idea of where he sits in the scheme of school readiness. I have had many conversations with parents about whether or not the child will be ready to go to school next year or if it would be better to hold them back. And sometimes it is better to keep them back a year in order for them to mature and grow.
I will again preface this with I am not from the UK so our system is different. But my experience has taught me forcing Children into school early or before they are ready can be very detrimental.

Is he at nursery/preschool? Talk to them.

However school staff have seen hundreds of 4yos. Yours won't be the first obstinate child, and they should be able to signpost help if its anything more than immaturity.

Also curious if he goes to preschool or nursery? Surely the point of that at 3-4 is to teach them social skills and to do things like the coat trick etc. you have plenty of time to teach them shoes and cutlery. Wiping themselves as far as I understand they are still assisted with in reception because it’s pretty tricky for some of them/no body wants a poo stained child stinking out the class room 😃

Depending on current child care options, you could speak to school about a longer staggered start. Children have until 5 yrs old to be in full time schooling. You could agree mornings or afternoons and skip lunch/ reduce the need for support with toileting . The expectations onl increase over the year so starting mid year is not a great idea. Your child may also decide to conform with their peers and be very different as school if given the chance. Definitely talk to the school.

If they are not ready, and you aren’t able to teach them, then what difference will a term make?

As others have asked, are they at nursery? These are exactly the sort of skills that they should be learning there.

I was a Reception teacher and although we ask parents to teach children to put their own coats on etc I always spent the first week of term teaching several children to do this. Don't worry, do your best over the summer but don't stress over it. Your DD might be more co-operative at school when she sees other children being independent. Your child will benefit from the social interaction and teaching if she starts Reception with the rest of the cohort.

If he’s timid surely a later start will be worse, not better, as at least at the beginning they will all be new and nervous together. Also what is going to change in a term, if you’re not able to teach these thing?

Have you really, really tired to get them to do these things? I mean this nicely as my DD was very resistant too so I get it, she has no additional needs and we think it was mostly attention seeking related to her new baby brother. However, a combination of ignoring any tantrums, refusing to do it for her meaning she missed activities if she wasn’t ready and a sticker chart for good behaviour worked really well.

@RandomQuest

it’s also amazing how many things a child won’t do when their parent tries but will do very quickly and easily when asked by a teacher and they see their friends doing the same!

Reception teachers and TAs are on the whole a very special breed of teacher who are brilliant at dealing with little ones at the start of school (I have worked with hundreds of them across a multitude of schools).

Speak to them of your worries in advance and see how reassured you feel.

I dont think you should delay a term etc. As you probably wont have him/her in preschool etc.
Starting with everyone else or csa start is best otherwise they are just worse off.
If necessary and they are tired do mornings or take a friday off.
Being home wont help he /she will pick these skills up or they wont.

His social and personal skills will develop around other children and if you continue to baby him he'll never do things by himself. I think it's a terrible idea personally and I say this as the mum of a summer born child.

What the school are saying is that they don't want to have to deal with 30 children none of whom can put on a coat unassisted of go to the toilet unassisted. This then leaves the genuine few who can't who need help and they will soon get the hang of it, even other children help zip up coats.

If your child is not already attending a nursery it might be a good idea to get him in for a day at least so that he is around other children. You will honestly be amazed that they can get 30 children to sit and listen to a story in nursery.

I would try him at school first and see how he gets on. You have the summer to show him how to put on a coat etc. A lot can happen in 3 months.

If you can't defer for the year I would send them in September as otherwise they're going to miss a lot of phonics and early maths teaching and have to spend time catching up on that.

I actually home ed, but my Reception age daughter has a few school attending children and pretty much all of them still had help with toileting this time last year. One of her little friends was at ours just yesterday and asked me to wipe her bum. I asked if she did it herself at school and she said yes but with family/friends she still likes help. And she's moving to Year 1 in September.

You could ask if they could do half days only for the first half term to see how they cope. Some schools are a bit resistant to this but I've worked in Reception classes and afternoons in the first term are often hard for tired little ones and not much learning goes on.

Maybe I have unrealistic ideas as to what reception classes are like (based on all the ambitious goals and requirements in the school’s prospectus).

Both DH and I studied in a different education system abroad, so to us school means timed lessons, timed bathroom breaks (with no prompting or help), at lunchtime getting your food on a tray and eating/drinking self-sufficiently. And major consequences around tantrums, misbehaviour, but maybe it’s different in the UK system.

I’m sure the teachers will have seen some children who struggled with school, but I wouldn’t want mine to be one of them, so of course it’s a worry. The replies make me quite sure that delaying by a term is not a great idea tho.

Did you get a chance to see the school before applying(I know some schools had open days, others didnt- we didn't get to our secondary school open day as DD had Covid).

But usually the children have full access to the toilets. Lunch... well my Yr6 DD is one of the older children who go to help the youngest years with opening packets, cutting up etc as necessary (although I think her school is unusual on this front). And Reception is often play based.

Unless its a private school. They can be a lot stricter.

That isn't how it works. Teachers aren't daft, they are 4 and 5. Both of mine struggled started school and both treated with nothing but kindness and compassion.

You would also be amazed how different kids are in school. My stubborn, obstinate, refuses to do a bloody thing at home child is angelic at school. It's like we have two different child.

My easy peasy at home one has caused the biggest issues at school.

Reception in the UK is mostly continuous provision. So learning through play. 15 minutes on the carpet to register and then free play. Especially in the first half term.

20 minutes of phonics and numeracy with a focused activity from the teacher in small groups through the day. But generally it's letting children explore the classroom to socialize and learn at their own pace.

My DS has suspected ASD and sensory issues and can have spectacular meltdowns, but generally keeps it together in school unless really triggered. It's their job to make accomodations for children who need more help, and EYFS staff are a special and wonderful breed.

Go along to the transition days and get a feel for the actual expectations and variation in other children. You still have three months to work on self care skills. Does your dc go to any preschool activities?

Ask for a meeting with the sendco , tell them everything you've typed here and see what they have to say. It's their job to support and help.

Why? The child doesn't appear to have special needs and is just a normal child. There were plenty of children like that who started in my Reception class every year. I appreciate the OP is not familiar with the UK system but I think visiting the classroom and talking to the Reception teacher should put her mind at rest.