To consider delaying Reception class entry?

[Aneteamalore]

Would love to hear your experience and thoughts around delaying school entry for DCs with a term or two (not a complete year)? Will they be disadvantaged when making friends as everyone else already knows each other? Do they have to play catch-up with the others academically and socially?

My DC is due to start Reception in Sep but I don’t think his social and personal skills are developed enough tbh. The school sent out some leaflets containing what children are expected to know by the time they start, like putting on their shoes and coats. I assume they should also be able to feed themselves properly and use the toilet alone. If so, I think my DC will really struggle. DC is also very timid around other children and can have full-on meltdowns a few times per day. I have no idea what the expectations really are in Reception class but I have some worries.

Has he been assessed at all? Only because of the developmental points you've raised coupled with reference to violent outbursts

You would also be amazed how different kids are in school. My stubborn, obstinate, refuses to do a bloody thing at home child is angelic at school. It's like we have two different child.

That's the case all through school too, I lost count of the number of conversations I had with parents where they thought I was talking about the wrong child! (I occasionally was too!) The majority of times the school saw the angel, the parents saw the demon. I would sometimes say to one of our's Do you speak to Miss ?? like that? the response was almost always Of course not.

To throw my two pence in, Reception year really is an introduction to school. It's not that academic - focus on learning through play, lots of outside time and building social/emotional skills. So really focused on getting them used to being in school and the associated routines.

My DS definitely couldn't do coat/shoes fully when he started, but that was never a problem. Also, remember with two years of covid disruption children starting nursery/reception are expected to have more needs around their independence/social skills. I'm a school governor and have discussed this at length in various meetings.

Personally, I would plan for him to start as normal. In the unlikely event he is struggling to settle/manage, then you can work out a strategy with the teacher.

@CaptainMyCaptain firstly , the op has mentioned their child potentially being unable to feed themselves and use the toilet independently. There's also the meltdowns , which are happening more than once a day.

Speaking to the sendco might be useful as these are things COULD be related to sen. Alternatively they may not. I think it's important to let the sendco decide for themselves. They may be able to offer a gradual start and/or make other suggestions.

And please think before using the word 'normal' , as it implies a child with sen is abnormal.

I only used the word 'normal' to mean the majority or at least very many children starting school are like this. Many parents feel their children are behind in certain areas when actually they are quite typical and soon learn indepence skills on starting school. In my experience the SENCO would be unlikely to get involved at that stage but maybe that was just my school.

Is he at preschool? They do a lot of prep for starting school with the kids. DD's nursery do a lot of transitional stuff around things like lunchtimes (they do mock school lunchtimes where they have to get their trays and go and pick their food just like at school) and they are all taught to put coats and shoes on from very early. That might help alleviate your worries about the practical stuff at least.

My DS is summer born and in Reception now. There are things you can do to help them, so starting with incentives for getting himself dressed now. Take in to consideration them putting their own shoes on when choosing shoes. DS can feed himself, and was used to the school lunches from preschool, although he sometimes uses his hands rather than a knife and fork. He did have quite a few accidents at the start of the year, although they have access to the toilet at all times. He was busy playing and didn’t make it in time. There are still children in his class having regular accidents now. The start of the year is designed to help them with these type of skills and introduce a more formal learning style. Personally if you cannot skip the year I would send them on time.

I work in reception and year 1.

Do not delay sending him, you'll be putting them at a massive disadvantage.

They learn so much at that stage, they start phonics, writing, reading, maths etc and socially it's very important to start to learn the rules of being in a school environment ready and what is expected of them for year 1.

Children that haven't been to school in reception usually massively struggle in year one for the first few months, if not longer, due to not knowing routines, rules and what is expected of them and on top of that they are behind with their learning.

Lots of children can't do all of the things you've stated in your post, they will be helped and supported to do them. The staff will have seen it all before and worse, believe me.

Go to the taster days and speak to the staff and you'll feel much better.

No, don't delay. Reception year is critically important because it's the year where they learn the skills to socialise, participate and learn. If he was summer born and could do Reception next year, then I'd be more open to it; missing some of the key parts which he seems to need will mean he misses out on the very things you are saying he needs.

Reception class (and even Y1 and Y2) are nothing like your description of overseas in most schools (but check - there are a few random places that run poor Reception practice).

Look on the bright side, that you can always give it a go and then have the conversation in mid-October if it's not working.

And - finally - they develop so quickly at this age. He will be a different child in September from now anyway!

I wouldn’t defer, September is nearly 3mths away, let DC try make friends and get used to school life alongside DC peers. My DS1 was very quiet, he soon settled in. Your DC won’t be the only timid one in the class. Good luck.

You haven't said if your DS is in a nursery or pre-school type setting, but I'd assume not because of your concerns about his managing. My son's infant school didn't send out any sort of instruction about what the children could do for themselves, although it is rather common sense stuff.

There will a broad scope of what the new starters will be able to manage for themselves, ie Tom will be able to do his own coat but not manage his shoes or toileting, Meg will be struggling with buttons but her shoes and cutlery handling are fine, Jason will be able to do these things yesterday but seems to have forgotten it all today. Some will need little assistance and some will need more, some kids will help others even. It's so variable.

My child was very behind in the majority of his development but he came on in leaps and bounds because he saw the other children doing things and wanted to be the same. It's quite likely this aspect will have an effect on your DS too. If he does need extra support over and above the norm, the staff will flag this and should arrange some time to discuss it with you and make plans on how to help support him so he can reach his targets. (Well, a good school will...)

I wouldn't worry too much at this stage, you can focus a bit more on the areas you feel he's behind in over the summer, play it by ear and see how it goes. He might surprise you.

Your child will be fine at school, mine is going to rec in Sept he's behind his peers but he does everything for his nursery teachers and not for mum.

Lots of food for thought, thanks! We haven’t attended an open day or similar at this school, so no idea really what it’s like.

I think it looks like delaying the start to Reception might not be a good idea, even though I still think there will likely be quite a bit of struggle and nursery would suit him better for at least a term or two. There might be sen issues but I don’t know.

I wouldn’t delay if already you feel they are slightly lagging behind. Sometimes kids thrive amongst their peers. It’s reception, it’s learning through play and any issues a teacher will raise them with you.

We did delay our summer born 2 terms, started Reception after Easter.

It worked very well for us, I’d do it again.
Definitely the right thing for my child to remain with their correct cohort, they are year 6 now and very ready for secondary.

Every child is different, we didn’t have any academic concerns though, and dc had caught up easily by the end of the year.

Friend did the same, actually kept her dd out until year 1 and again felt it was very positive and the right thing to do. But again no academic concerns.

If you can’t delay by a whole year then don’t delay at all. Otherwise he will just miss out on the first term which is important for socialisation and learning independence. They will be expecting some children to not have all the skills. Plus if you delay then when he starts he will end up behind in phonics and maths as well, which won’t help.

It’s still nearly 3 months away, I would just focus on the key things he needs to know, so putting on coat (focus on just putting it on not zipping it, many will still need help with that) and shoes (buy velcro shoes and put cut a sticker and put half in each shoe so it ‘matches up’ when they’re the right way). Eating and drinking by himself (just focus on using a fork and drinking from a cup, many will still need helping cutting food up) and recognising him own name (not spelling it or writing it but just recognising it). And toileting, make a chart with the steps on (in pictures) for wiping, pulling up trousers, flushing toilet, washing and drying hands and refer to it everytime now, it should be a habit by September. Visual charts are also really good for kids who struggle to take direction as it’s easier when it’s obvious and in front of them.

The meltdowns I wouldn’t worry about, they will be used to dealing with it and there certainly isn’t major consequences for it at school, DDs school just have ‘reflection time’ in a comfy cushion area. You should see the amount of kids coming out everyday with slips to say they’ve been ‘on red’ and had reflection time!

@Ramekin great to hear delaying the start worked out so well for you, maybe there are occasions where it’s the best for the child. It’s great if they can stay with their age cohort. I don’t really think the issues with mine is on the academic side (I’m not sure what milestones in math and phonics they’re re meant to know by age 4/5 but I think he’ll be ok). It’s the personal care, social development and behaviour that I’m worried about. Tbh it’s mainly the toileting that I think will be very difficult and following an abundance of new rules.

Knowing that some nurseries are doing practice runs for school lunch and major prep, it makes me feel like a rubbish parent for not sending mine there. His classmates might have an easier adjustment.

Considering the things you’re concerned about, delaying your child’s start would be a bad idea in my experience.

Your child would be missing school at the exact time they are focussing on those skills, and he’ll still need that if he starts later except the rest of the class will have moved on.