Why am I soooo resentful?

[Need2moveon]

My ex cheated on me a few years ago, absolutely devastated me, never saw it coming! Roll on to now and I’m a single mum with 2 under 10. Work part time. Am overweight, skint and fed up.
my ex is swanning round with loads of money, doing his house, booking holidays with affair woman who’s now his gf and I can’t help but feel really really resentful towards him and her! I don’t want him back, far from it, but I feel like she’s now got the best version of him and I guess I’m jealous of their life. My son comes home telling me about the ace time he has there and how she makes a full on spread at breakfast time and there’s me, knackered, forcing myself out of bed and hurriedly giving my kids breakfast!!

How do I stop comparing my life? Stop focusing on the negatives ?

@girlmom21 I don't really think the OP filling every waking non-contact hour with work is the answer to her feeling less resentful. In these situations its almost always the case that the NRP is getting to work as much or as little as they choose, with little constraint in terms of childcare, or costs, whilst realistically, the RP is providing the 24/7 care that allows them to do that and seeing very little, if any of the benefit. A couple of 48 hours stints "childfree" per month, in no way compensates for that. The answer to most of these issues is a genuine 50/50 arrangement but my experience has been that the vast majority of (male) NRPs do not want it. I know there are exceptions, of course there are, but over 90% of single resident parents are women and there's billions in unpaid CMS and fathers who see their kids not at all or a paltry, token amount, so no matter how much "whatabouttery" you throw at it, this is a common scenario and one for which there is zero political will to change because as with so many things, women are just expected to do it.

@ChiselandBits I don't think increasing her working hours from part time equate to working every waking hour.
Ultimately if you don't have enough money and work part time you need to earn more money if you can.

If she can't, that's completely understandable - it is what it is - but it's a logical step.

This in spades!

Just remember what you see isn't the reality of his life. She is essentially with a man who's capable of cheating, he could quite easily do that to her too. It might look all roses, and they will always performance parent eow, but you never know what goes on behind closed doors.

For now I'd concentrate on you, how can you improve your situation. A better paid job? Things will get easier as the dc get older.

Use your spare time to do stuff for yourself. Swimming, yoga, gardening whatever it is you like.

I'm a single mum (lone parent) and had a few years of feeling totally ground down. Working full time etc

Get yourself feeling better about yourself, however that is for you, everything stems from there.

I agree with other posters who say once a cheater, always a cheater. Cheaters cheat. If you genuinely fall in love with someone else, you should have a mature conversation with your current partner, and extricate yourself fairly and reasonably from that commitment, before starting another relationship. There’s never an excuse for cheating, and never a good reason for it.

@NotKevinTurvey

@Watchkeys

You've missed part of the story.

Sure, people can realise they've made a mistake, and have fallen in love with someone else. That can obviously happen.

But that's not what we're talking about here.

We're talking about affairs.

If you have fallen in love with someone else, then you end your relationship FIRST, then you move on.

If you have an affair, you are showing yourself to be untrustworthy and selfish. Because you looked out for yourself first. These aren't good traits. No good person has an affair.

OP is there scope for you to train up to get a better paid job?

look at things you can change for yourself and try and change them. Apply for CM (if you haven’t already), double check you are claiming all benefits you can.

I know exactly how you feel, when I divorced abusive ex, it felt like his life kept going seamlessly whilst I was struggling with juggling care of two young (traumatised dc), and work and sort out the financial shit show he’d left behind. Whilst he was living it up with OW.

it does get better dc get older and life changes, I know ex is still obsessed with me altho I’ve moved on and away.

it gets better and what you see isn’t necessarily the full picture.
try and make positive changes that make you happy in your life block him and OW. Rally around friends and relatives and get all the support you can from your own friends and family.

this too shall pass.