Doubts about taking this dog!?!?!

[Mum2One23]

So due to collect a puppy in 2 days time and after months/years of research and waiting for the right time (we didn’t have a garden up until recently and didn’t feel it was fair to the dog) I am now getting VERY cold feet…

I’m starting to really worry about if I will cope with the demands of a young dog, what will happen if I don’t and have to get rid of it (?) and whether it’s worth turning my whole life upside down (finally at the stage where children are old enough to get some peace and quiet)…

Is this normal? Is it worth it?

I really didn’t expect to feel like this!

I reported ‘breeders’ along with a couple of other people and they ended up doing jail time. I thought there was something odd from the ad so wanted to investigate. They were really dodgy and turns out they were a gang operating with a lot of dogs doing this in the local area. They set up different houses as viewing points. We turned up early to visit the dogs and they weren’t at the house but would be there soon.

Trust your instincts and report if necessary. if they backed down that easily, they may have something to hide. It sounds as though you may have been put off by the people rather than having the dog. You’ll know once the dust settles.

This was exactly what I thought. Going into it with the view that it's not a commitment you might stick with doesn't bode well. What motivated you to want a dog to begin with? How on board are your husband and kids with walking it daily, even if the weather is bad? Do you have "dogcare" lined up if you both work? We recently lost our rescue boy at 13 years old, he definitely was a tie and there were times that I really resented the impact that owning a dog had on our freedoms (we didn't have any DC when we rescued him but have had 2 since). But we also loved him dearly and couldn't have contemplated rehoming him because we'd deemed being his owners an inconvenience if that makes sense.

I guess I'd be asking yourself how thoroughly have you thought through the decision to get a dog, then how well have you thought through / researched the specific breed you've chosen to check it fits with your family and lifestyle (there can be a huge difference between breeds) and then are you accepting that you'll need to act in your dog's best interests and not just your own?

I am not sure why you think you are entitled to your money back because you changed your mind. Deposits usually are non refundable.

Just read your update OP, sounds like maybe you didn't know/research what to look for in a reputable breeder either? The two puppies we had before our rescue dog... Both breeders didn't have many litters at all as they didn't want to overbreed and were very clear that they wanted to know a lot about us so that they could decide whether we were the right people to buy a puppy, just as much as the other way around. Both also made it clear that if anything went wrong during the course of ownership they'd rather we contacted them first before rehoming or putting them into a rescue ourselves as they would keep the dog themselves.

I am glad that you have decided not to go ahead. Where exactly did you think you would “get rid” of the dog to, when/if you changed your mind? Rescues in this country are overwhelmed because so many people got dogs during lockdown with the same “I can just get rid of it” attitude. Rescues are in the main run by knackered volunteers, giving up their own time and often spending their own money, to pick up the pieces from irresponsible dog owners everyday. IME there are two different types of dog owners. The first think what can this dog do for me? The second think, what can I do for this dog? You are clearly the former. Don’t do it.

We have a 5 month golden retriever and I think cold feet are completely normal. However I vastly underestimated how much she would cost us £44 a week for two days at doggy day care, another £40 plus for insurance, monthly fee for worm and flea treatment thats before food toys etc. If we go on holiday she will need to come ir additional couple hundred in kennels.

Agreed @Teeturtle, I had assumed from the OP’s posts that she’d already paid in full. Deposit money I wouldn’t expect back just because I’d changed my mind.

OP did you have to go on a waiting list or anything? I’m a little bit confused about how “months/ years” of planning for this led you to almost getting a dog from a potentially dodgy breeder and then pulling out at the last minute? What breed are the pups?

Right decision, never buy a dog without seeing the mother

You really didn't do your research at all if you thought that was a good breeder. You've had a lucky escape OP. You need to lots more research before you consider a dog.

I regret getting mine. I am struggling to afford it. He is a lovely dog - and we wont get rid if him. But as a family the strain on my finances is big - and worse as all prices are rising.

They dlont need to give your a deposit back that's the whole point of paying a deposit to stop time wasters I think you e been cheeky asking g for a deposit back it's not their fault you've changed your mind is it. And giving them an ultimatum? That's awful.

You do know legally it's non refundable don't you? Having a law degree and all.
Maybe they have been pushy or whatever but I think you're using that as an excuse as YOU can't cope with a pup.

I had similar thoughts when we got our first family dog. I didnt' really want him, but everyone else did. It made me feel claustrophic to think of all the responsibility. We got him and he was a nightmare for about 6 months. I thought many times that I wish we hadn't got him (obviously never took that out on him - he was very well taken care of). Anyway, he grew on me and when he was hit by a car while we were on holiday when he was almost 2 I couldn't stop crying for a week. We now have another lovely puppy and I had zero hesitation getting her.

I guess my point is, a little like having a baby, that you know that there will be hard work, commitment and sacrifices involved. It's normal to have cold feet about those. Some of those are temporary, some will be long term. For us, we knew that the puppy part was hard but soon over and what we got in return for the commitment and responsibility was definitely worth it. I wouldn't pull out for last minute nerves, but if you think it's more than that then maybe now is not the right time for you.

Btw, this is very common now apparently. There was a huge lockdown puppy boom so lots of people decided they would breed. Now demand has decreased and lots of people who thought they could make thousands are stuck with puppies they can't sell. I know at least 2 people this has happened to.

Oops missed the updates.

I think you are wrong to demand your desposit back. You've changed your mind, that's literally what the deposit it there to avoid people doing. Or at least to not leave the breeder too much out of pocket if they do.

Plus, as a lawyer (with a law degree and a professional qualification), I really dislike when people try use legal terminology to bully others.

I was terrified the night before we picked up our puppy. It's a huge commitment and I think some nerves is understandable.

Hmm normally I rtft but hadn't this time!
So you aren't getting the puppy now?

@Riverlee Our lab is nearly 2 and we've had him since 10 weeks old. When our daughter was born, he was only 6 months old. It was hard - many tears and 'what have we done?!' but honestly, he's absolutely amazing with our daughter and seeing how much they love each other makes me really glad we got him :)

My advice would be get LOTS of food orientated toys and chew toys. Labradors are the most greediest dogs ever

Sounds like you have swerved a puppy farmer!

No one should be breeding until they have more than filled a waiting list - so the fact they've got lots of puppies they can't shift is dodgy.

Trying to push two puppies on you is a massive red flag, anyone with half a brain-cell and some dog behaviour/development knowledge (which you would hope a breeder would have) knows that two together is a recipe for disaster and very few people have the time, or the skill to raise them to be independent, sensible, nice members of doggy society.

If you do decide to look for a puppy again - breed club websites, kennel club website, find breeders who are breed club members, as in the official club for that breed (for some breeds there is more than one, usually geographically split) - they exist to promote the breed, take care of the breed, organise health tests, judge training, co-ordinate rescue, run club shows, hold a list of people breeding or with litters or planning litters etc etc.

IF this person was advertising on the breed clubs listings I would go to the club secretary or puppy co-ordinator and report your experience to them, or they may never know what this person is doing.

Thank you for the encouragement.