To ask parents who have previously taken drugs how they talk to their DC about drugs?

[Thepeopleversuswork]

So my DD is currently 11: probably (hopefully) too young for me to be overly concerned about this. But wondering how to have the conversation for the future.

I took drugs recreationally for about 15 years. Mainly weed, a bit of MDMA and other "party drugs" and occasionally some coke. I'm not particularly proud of this (and I don't do it at all now, haven't done since DD was born). But by the same token if I'm honest I didn't have any significant problems as a result of drug use. Never became addicted to anything and never developed any serious health problems. And actually sometimes they were fun. The only real regret attached to them was the waste of money and time and the fact that I may have put myself in potentially risky situations.

My own position on drugs today is that the "soft" illegal drugs are largely no worse than alcohol. I don't take them any more but I know from past experience and from reading around the topic widely that weed is (for most people) fairly safe. I also know that while there are risks around coke and MDMA and they are not drugs people should take lightly or routinely, it is perfectly possible for people to use them without long term health issues and many do. I am however fiercely anti heroin and other opiates as I know they have the potential to destroy lives like few other drugs (I have seen this happen to people) and will be extremely hard line about this with my daughter.

My strong preference would be for my DD never to take any illegal drugs at all and I will tell her that she should not and will discipline her if I find she has. But what should my position be if she asks me if I ever used drugs myself? I really want to set a positive example and for not to be able to throw in my face the fact that I'm a hypocrite if I ever have to discipline her for it but I don't want to lie. I also don't think this "all drugs are bad" line is particularly helpful as young people rapidly see through this when they try them for themselves and realise drugs are extremely different.

Wonder if anyone else has any advice here?

I know people who smoke a lot of weed (or who drink a lot) and they say “But look at me, it never did me any harm” and I find myself thinking “Really?” I have this is my family. The clever, alternative cousins (I was a square and comparably uneducated, so wasn't included), who discussed uni life and competed on their wokeness, declaring that those who got stoned at weekends were better than those who got pissed at weekends. Non of them now have what I call a stable life, but smoking joints apparently never did them any harm, apart from mental health issues, debt etc!