To allow this to happen

[Ness30]

So my neighbours are terrible. I hear them arguing very loudly almost every day, they have 3 kids and I just really feel for them.

one night the woman drove her car away and he smashed the windscreen whilst she was driving away?

I just feel so sorry for the kids having to listen to the constant shouting, swearing. DH said this is none of my business and my guy is telling me he is right but it is really uncomfortable sometimes.

I am just taking it very seriously and don’t want to do something like this lightly. I will do something, it’s just a really big thing to me.

Speaking to the school is also a good idea, they can talk to the kids and do it that way. The family may even already be known to services.

@Philisophigal Because it’s that easy for kids who grow up in an abusive household to realise that this isn’t normal, get over the sense of obligation and loyalty, get over a sense of fear of adults, find an adult they trust, find a time to talk to them privately, overcome their anxieties and be believed?

Of course OP needs to do something but that could be as simple as calling NSPCC anonymously and leaving further investigation to them. They don’t just rock up mob handed on the strength of one phone call but it can prompt or form part of further investigation.

Ive done it, it was fine and the family got appropriate support through school and social care. Mum got MH support.

Are you fucking kidding???
OK so it's down to the kids to get themselves out of this abusive mess.

Some people, christ 🤦‍♀️

I'm shocked that you witnessed him smash the windscreen as she was trying to drive away and you didn't ring the police. He may well end up killing her.

I know you are criticising me about this. I have listened to her shouting and swearing and being abusive too…isn’t it also her responsibility to protect her kids?

I’ve hung in a while but the lady post makes me think this is a load of bollocks.

What is a load of bollocks?

Unsure re voting... But you should report. Your DH is being unreasonable

Hi OP

I can understand your concerns but you can absolutely report anonymously, whether that is to school, children's services or the police.

If you feel too scared of the repercussions to report to the police directly, you can report anonymously through crime stoppers and the pass the information to the police on your behalf. You can look in the crime stoppers website for information on this.

I had similar with previous neighbours I had and regularly reported anonymously to both children service and through crime stoppers as well as the children school.

If you don't want to say your a neighbour could you say you were walking past and heard / saw. Although this depends on the location of the house.

I understand what your saying about the mum being an adult and having a duty to protect her children but if she is being abused too she is a victim and probably not strong enough to and needs help and support too. Many people don't see themselves as the victim of abuse while they are being abused or feel powerless because of the abuse.

Well, you are aware that there is domestic violence happening while children are present, but for your own reasons, you're choosing not to report. Therefore, you're condoning the abuse.

Maybe you can get in the papers when the woman or one of the kids gets seriously hurt, and you can say, oh yes, I was terribly worried for their safety, but I couldn't really be bothered.

I absolutely HATE people who wring their hands over the abuse of children, but don't act.

Wow! There was literally no need for that! Would you care to read my PP where I state I am contacting the school tomorrow!

I wanted to do what is best for them not make a situation worse, how dare you say I am condoning it. Just want to approach it the right way!!!!!!!!

I actually came on here for advice not to be abused! I will be making the call believe me!

bloody typical of an anonymous thread though, no empathy.

Yes this is typical of mumsnet some love people bashing…

Maybe not.

But it is up to everyone to stop children being harmed as a result of parental abusive relationships.

You and your DH need to get your head outside of the mindset that it's not your business.

Child safeguarding is the responsibility of everyone.

I do have empathy for you.

But I also think you are better placed to protect your family than is your neighbour.

I'm pleased you will speak to the school, but I'll admit I'd prefer you called social services today. You'll be able to make an anonymous call to the emergency duty team even on a Sunday.

I appreciate your worry that they will know it's you who reported them, but the truth is they will never know.

One of the children might have called childline,the mother might have called herself, the school may have raised concerns etc.

If confronted simply deny you contacted anyone. Be belligerent and say you had better things to do than involve yourself in their drama.

I have sympathy. Unless you have been in this situation it’s very easy to give advice.

I’ve been in this position. I called the police outside their house, gave my name, and waited until they arrived in case the woman was harmed more.

I don’t care if someone knows it’s me that reports them.

The pile-ons on MN can be terrible. Knee-jerk reactions from people who type before they think. And so extreme. Totally unnecessary.

Fwiw, I agree that this is a difficult situation - for the NDN’s even more than for you. You’re dealing with humans, not case studies. The correct solution isn’t obvious. It is NOT always best to call the police.

Calling the school is an idea, but realistically you have to wonder what that would achieve in reality. It would help you feel that you’ve done something, without resorting to the police. But does it deal with the issue of children being at risk of harm?

I think calling the NSPCC for advice is a better course of action. Schools are underfunded, teachers are over-worked, it would take someone going the extra mile at school to make an appreciable difference. The NSPCC will have experience of these matters, will be able to advise of next steps, and can take actual action if required.

Are you more worried for the wife or for the DC here? Do you have a relationship with the wife?

You can report to your local social Care services anonymously. Good luck