To allow this to happen

[Ness30]

So my neighbours are terrible. I hear them arguing very loudly almost every day, they have 3 kids and I just really feel for them.

one night the woman drove her car away and he smashed the windscreen whilst she was driving away?

I just feel so sorry for the kids having to listen to the constant shouting, swearing. DH said this is none of my business and my guy is telling me he is right but it is really uncomfortable sometimes.

Report very loud arguments to the police. Anything in the street (like smashing her windscreen) should certainly be reported.

I keep thinking it isn’t my place to decide what she is or isn’t happy with. Obviously it is the kids that are my main concern

Stop thinking & ACT! Those kids NEED someone to step up for them as their parents clearly aren't

When it comes to protecting kids it's everyone's business.

What about the safety of my own family if I rock the boat?

Report. Report. Report.

Reporting abuse is not everyone's job - there are certain professions only that have mandatory reporting attached to them. The whole "reporting is everyone's job" is crap because quite frankly there are a lot of considerations which need to be taken into account.

OP - if you do report then please think of your safety first. There may be other ways to report ie. through school/nursery or the GP surgery, or using an anonymous line (though this can make things more complicated it is fine to do it like that).

I would honestly look at your security at home prior to making any report - ie do you have security lights / CCTv etc.

The man sounds like a violent bastard and it's sickening to know that this is happening to the wife and children, but always do your own risk assessment on the impact to you, and ensure you are safe before doing anything else.

Also, it's worth keeping a diary with dates and times, and records etc. if you can whilst you are deciding whether to report or not.

Of course they won’t want to be reported no one wants to be reported, will they know it’s you? Depends where you live some places will be obvious other places not so much

You saw him smash her windscreen but didn't report it? Where were the kids at this point? Either in the car or in the house I assume.

Is there a reason they'd know it was you? Are you their only neighbour? Surely someone could have been driving past to see him smashing the windscreen.

The windscreen incident may be a good basis for an anonymous report to the police, if you are concerned about repercussions. That's assuming it was loud and public and potentially witnessed by other neighbours.

Is there a reason they'd know it was you?

Yes - if it goes to court is one example of when it may become apparent who the witnesses were.

yes We are the only neighbours on the end of a really quiet road (semi detached) I do feel it would be obvious.

I do not know what this man is capable of and want to protect my own family before I do anything. I feel so sorry for these poor kids but I don’t want to drag my own kids into it.

I am honestly trying to do what is best, please don’t make me feel like I am allowing abuse I feel terrible!

What about the safety of my own family if I rock the boat

They won't know it's you & I'm shocked that's your first thought when there's kids at risk here. Report it!

It’s easier said than done. I have had a few sets of nightmare neighbours. It’s really tough reporting violent people as they will know it’s you. Sadly the police and social services are not always that helpful. I had a violent family I reported and the children were removed. It was all pretty devastating. I then had another family where the couple would argue all night. I once asked if she was ok and she did not appreciate it!

People who live in nice neighbourhoods often have no idea how rife domestic violence is. It’s hard always being the one reporting people. Most people do not appreciate it if you get involved.

I am trying to protect my own family as that is my priority! Surely you can see that

It’s hard when they know it’s you, I had upstairs neighbours where there was dv and I didn’t report as they would know it’s me, I’m the only attached neighbour. It’s easy for people to say just report them etc

Tell the police please. Don't wait until next time. Safeguarding is everyone's business.

If your daughter was being treated that way, would you want someone to raise the alarm.

I think smashing the windscreen is really quite extreme, but if it was a while ago there is unlikely to be evidence, unless you have cameras.

If you are worried about repercussions, why not ring the police or crimestoppers anonymously and ask for advice about how to go about it safely.

WHAT ABOUT THE SAFETY OF THOSE POOR KIDS IF THEY'RE LEFT HAVING TO REPORT THIS THEMSELVES AND IT GETS BACK TO THEIR PARENTS?

You're an adult FGS.

This is how people end up dead 'not my problem'
Report it, ultimately it is up to her, she may not admit anything, but if you continue to report, she may find the courage and support to leave.

I too would be concerned about the repercussions because my dc and family are my first priority. I would report this to the school instead. They might know what to do. A police report would identify you, but the school may handle this more discreetly. I couldn't not do anything though.

@PeekabooAtTheZoo have you ever been in my position?

I think reporting to the school is the best idea. I will call them tomorrow!

I am not going to allow the kids to be abused I am just trying to protect my own family in the process, he could be smashing our windows next! Until you have been in this situation do NOT judge

And the woman next door is an adult too with children to protect!!!

I think you're massively over thinking the threat to your own family.

Report to SS or the school, it is anonymous if yiu want it to be.

& yes, I would & have done this twice over, at no point did I hesitate worrying about imagined repercussions