Who keeps the money?

[StColumbofNavron]

DC14 asked for an expensive musical instrument for Christmas with a view to taking music for GCSE. They have subsequently decided not to do music GCSE, give up their instruments to focus on said GCSEs and thought they wanted to keep the instrument to play for leisure. They have now said they probably won't play it anymore so we should sell it. (We bought a new one because they have been playing a number of years and had previously had a well used second hand one and then was without for a while).

My question is, if I sell it (and it will be me, he will just leave it languishing) who should get the money? It is his at the end of the day and was a gift, but it cost a fair bit for only a few months use and I will be the one putting the effort in to getting rid of it. To be honest, I am actually thinking I will put it into his savings account rather than necessarily keep it myself. I just don't want him to squander the cash.

I don't know why I have been so vague.

It's an electronic drumkit.

I'd hope (though who knows) to get about £200-£250 (cost £380 in December). Seems like a lot to just let him spend any which way.

Put it away for driving lessons when the time comes...

He should. It was a gift. Why on earth would
you keep the money? I’d certainly encourage him to spend it on something he wants/needs but it is his.

If it was his Christmas present and it’s sold the money is his I would have thought.

His gift, his money. Although you could tell him to sell it or offer to sell it for a percentage.

Put it in his savings

Did you spend more than you would normally at Christmas? If yes then maybe take that back, otherwise he should get the money

50-50? If you’re selling it you should get a cut, and £380 would be way above my usual Christmas present budget so that’s my reasoning.

I think that's fair, if it was far more expensive than the usual gift, and you have all the bother of selling it, letting him have the proceeds but into his savings seems a good compromise to me.

Depending on what instrument it is, I might be inclined to keep it. He might want to go back to it at some point down the line. But it depends on whether the instrument would survive being “mothballed” - some are better than others.

Otherwise I think your suggestion of putting the money in his savings account is good.

Obviously him.

It’s your sons present so the money is his. Maybe give him some of the cash and put some into his savings if it’s a decent amount and more than you would have spent on a Xmas present normally?

It's his money. Why would he want to sell it and get literally no benefit? He could keep it in that case even if barely used.

In that case, I’d just give him the cash. A pair of trainers and a few video games, it’ll be gone. You don’t get much for a few hundred quid for teens unfortunately.

It is significantly more than I would usually spend on one gift - but he had said very clearly that he would pursue GCSE music and it made sense to have an instrument. We don't have the space for storage and he shares a room with his younger brother and it takes a lot of space.

I do agree in principle, it is his money, but he will just use it to put clothes on now and it will inhibit space.

See for me, that is a lot of money for him. I had to save for that, so it isn't a small amount of money. He doesn't have madly expensive taste.

I’d have spent £200 on a Christmas present, and £200 on an instrument to get him through GCSEs, so I can see why it was worth doing. But I wouldn’t have handed over £300 cash for a Christmas present. It’s a shame he won’t play at all again - is he sure?

He says so. I'll leave it a little while I think, maybe after summer just to be sure. Then I think he will have to decide because we are redecorating the room and making better use of the space ready for his brother to join secondary school so he can make a decision then. I'll say 50% to saving and he can take me for a cheap coffee/cake to thank me for doing the admin.

I'd sell it, give him the amount of cash I normally would have spent and keep the rest.

My son is the same age. I would sell it, buy something else that he wants/needs and then pocket the rest. My my DS, the purchase would be some soundproofing for his room and some recording equipment.

At the end of the day, it’s his Christmas gift you’re exchanging, so it needs to be something decent that you exchange it with.

You bought a bigger present as part of it was for his GCSE music to help him with an expensive electronic drum kit . I suspect you spent £200 more on his Xmas present /budget than you'd usually do, and because he changed his mind/ dropped out of lessons, to resell it now you'd lose more than actual budget you'd have spent on a usual Xmas gift for him.

So if I were you I'd put the money aside from its sale into savings to go towards his driving lessons as your instinct is telling you.

It's a life lesson to your DS, that new items devalue, and what you had given up to purchase of new for him. Otherwise he could start a hobby for each Xmas / birthday, say he needs new equipment each time and he'll get more spent on him and cash back later!!! ... No no no!

You wouldn't have given him £380 to fritter away.

He'll still get the money (ie it'll be his) but towards something substantial. Driving lessons when he's 17.

I'd say definitely his if it was a gift. DD sold her expensive lego sets during a house move and it was her money. It encouraged her to declutter/sell some more items, happy days.

It’s his money but I would be encouraging him to buy a wanted big ticket item with it, so rather than he squanders, he buys the item, which lets you off the hook for said item.

Obviously him. It was his present.

@LaWench , DD sold them. That is possibly part of my issue here. He has just decided not to use it anymore after a short time. He hasn't played with it, loved it and used it and decided he is done. He also just said it in passing when I asked what about the drum kit - 'I don't know, sell it or something,' which take to mean I will sell, arrange the pick up etc.

I do think, even when I was typing the OP I knew it had to be his money, but it has just occurred to me that I could encourage him to use it towards the room refurb i.e. if he wants a more expensive bed/pillows/covers or whatever.