AIBU to be wary and somewhat resentful that DH has suddenly announced he wants to further his education?

[MorskiPas]

Quick background: DH did not go to university, but after working for several years he went and got a further qualification which has helped massively with his career.
I stopped working when we had DS1 and haven't been back since then (we have 2 dc).
I am currently exploring various ways of getting back to work now that DS2 is at school and I have the time. I will most likely need to retrain and do something else as my old job was highly specialised and no longer an option. I have had a number of appointments with the job centre and various back-to-work consultants (btw we are not in the UK) and I start on a career-consulting course thing in a couple of weeks, which will hopefully lead to me either being able to apply for jobs, or know what type of top-up courses I should do to make myself employable again.

Tonight at dinner DH announces that he wants to do another higher level course to once again further his career. It would take a year, 2x a week online (4 hours each session), plus every Saturday from 9am to 2pm. And 2 weeks of full-time school in the summer holidays too.
The course would probably be a good idea, but there's no guarantees that it would actually get him any further in his career. I think he regrets not going to university (although at this point, as I keep pointing out to him, it's his wealth of experience which actually counts). I think it has more to do with self esteem than anything else, and I'm not discounting that at all - I just think that this is my time and now I'm once again being relegated to the support role - because who's going to do everything at home, with the kids etc if he's doing this course? Me, that's who.
AIBU? He is the main earner and has been for years and years, which I really do appreciate, but I also feel that I'm never going to get back out there if I don't start now.

It's likely your talk about retraining has sparked this off for him.

Instead of being miffed and seemingly combative and competitive about it sit down and discuss what it would actually look like on a daily basis with both of you training. In detail. With no agenda, no assuming that he will back down or that you have to either. What would each day, each weekend really look like and for how long? How could you both ensure a proper family life, equal share of home responsibility?

Look at when each of your courses will start and end, when the next round starts, see which combination works for the family best.

Keep reminding him that it isn't about money but that both of you need an interesting and satisfying job/ career.

At the moment it seems you are running in parallel lines. If you don't fix it together you'll only build resentment.

Lol cross posted with you; you said it better.

I'd suggest waiting till you know what your path will be - how long is your career consulting course? It sounds like in a couple of months you might know what your return to work will look like and it can be discussed again at that point?

Would the 2 weeks in summer holidays need to come out of his holiday entitlement? That could make things really tricky as well with covering kids illness and school holiday time.

YANBU to be wary of him doing this course - I may be being rather cynical but it does sound like he is reluctant to step up with home and kids so found a way to opt out and maintain the status quo only with you also working. Unless your return to work somehow ends up being a perfect flexible, no training required job landing in your lap that also allows you to pay for extra help at home, I don't think there's any way he can do this for at least the next year or so.

If you want to do it, do it. Find a course, sign up and make it happen - the difference between him and you at this point is you talk about it but he does it.

He can study for 5 hours while you're with the kids, then you study while he has them. Not easy but doable.

Thanks for all the replies, lots to think about.
I'm very much a do it person, so as soon as I decided that I wanted to go back to work I immediately took steps to make that happen. I need to do a language qualification too (which I hadn't needed for my previous job but will do for pretty much anything else) so I am going to do that online while doing the coaching.

I had a job I loved before and while I could go and get an unskilled job now, I actually don't want that. But at the same time I don't know what exactly I DO want to do, or what makes sense in the current job climate. Hence the coaching.

i stopped working because I wanted to be a SAHM and that has suited us all very well, but it's not something you do forever, is it?

i will of course discuss all this with DH, and we will find a solution. But I think a pp a really hit the nail on the head - he's got this idea from me wanting to retrain, and he has no idea how much is involved with running the house and kids. Our youngest also has SEN and goes to a specialist school. We have no support or family here, and no options for childcare either. Me going back to work was going to be challenging already and I just feel he's adding to the difficulties instead of alleviating them iyswim.

I also think you should both be able to study. My DH works away all week, I work, do everything for my DC in the week and have just finished my part-time PhD. You might sacrifice a bit of time together but it’s only a year. You could manage - if you wanted to. Wanting to pursue your dream doesn’t mean he can’t pursue his too.