To have exposed him to his family..

[GroovyChick2k]

My ex was messaging a young (18) girl behind my back while I was expecting. She was a close family friends daughter and was vulnerable at the time (homeless) and he sent her bank transfers in exchange for naked photos and videos.
I found this out after we split up. His friends and family were calling me all the names under the sun as I had started seeing someone else after we split, they never liked me anyway and would send me abuse on social media. We have 2 children. Ex was trying to get back with me and get our family back together.
So I got hold of the screen shots between him and this girl and sent them to his family. He said I've now ruined any chance of us getting back together(!!) I said I was sick of being made out to be the bad guy and it was time he was shown for who he is and how he was to me.
Was I in the wrong for doing so?

God no YANBU he is enough of a creep to tear apart your family when given the chance to exploit a vulnerable teenager
for sexual gains and then to use you as cover when it inevitably bit him on the arse. A thoroughly selfish and manipulative piece of work. I'm glad you've reassured the lass involved as she's a victim here too, but no, you've done the right thing in exposing him.

Good.

As if you wanted him back anyway. Foul creature.

His family will find a way to make it your fault anyway. And the vulnerable young woman's fault no doubt.

The post everyone else is thinking about is similar to another post about the same things happening but it was worded as the husband/partners cousin. It was around a month or so ago.

If you’ve outed her too, you were unreasonable.

Oh no, you can't get back together with a disgusting thing who abuses women. However will you cope!

Yanbu

You've posted in the wrong place @toolatetoloseweight

So you've exposed the girl to family condemnation? You sent screenshots of texts that tell everyone that she sent him videos of her having sex?

You telling her that you'll have her back is of virtually no help to her at all. You didn't expose his behavior through official channels, you just sent everyone the information without giving her any warning.

Of course he's the villain in this case, there's no doubt about it. But you've been stunningly insensitive and cruel to her.

Given that you've blocked them all, I've no idea how you think you're going to have her back and make sure that people know that she was taken advantage of, anyway. You're not speaking to any of the people who are going to be deflecting the blame onto her!

He's a sex offender. I would absolutely go to the police. Your children are at risk

whilst his behaviour is wrong it doesn't make him a paedo

Seriously, I am really worried for that girl. She's been horribly shamed, and goodness knows what she might do. There's no way that information is going to stay within that family. But the gossip will be about her, not him.

I think you are wrong for doing it but can see why you wanted to.

You have exposed someone that you describe as young and vulnerable for your own gain.

Your ex is despicable but you aren’t much better.

You did the right thing!

I really hope you blocked out her name and photo in your screenshots. He’s a disgusting piece of shit but outing someone as a sex worker is horrendous.

What he’s done is revolting but it’s not CSE if she was at least 18 the whole time he was asking her for these things.

Oh I bet you’re gutted that you’ve now ruined any chance of getting back together aren’t you OP? Seriously though, well done for exposing the disgusting creep, and I hope his family leave you alone now.

Please tell me you obscured the poor kid's name and didn't expose her as being a victim of this.

No pity for your ex, but I don't think you should have exposed this girl. You should at least have obscured her name.

It's a difficult one. My ex was physically abusive and incredibly cruel to me and his family have cut me off, believing I was the bad guy in all of this. I was very tempted to show him up for all the lies he told them over the years.

However, I have decided not to. I'm not dependent on their approval and I am maintaining peace with him so that we can raise the kids without unnecessary conflict.

I am convinced that he won't change and will eventually repeat the pattern.

This! Good for you.

As long as the vulnerable girl isn’t made more vulnerable by your actions?

Did you block out her name OP?

Is she in safe accommodation now?? Hopefully you’re looking out for her? If she’s a family friend who is homeless - why is she homeless? Why aren’t the family looking after her?

It was wrong to expose the girl without her permission, but I support you outing him.

Good for you!!!

Really, really not fair on the girl. It's not all about you and him.

Thank you everyone for your responses.
I work with someone who's husband is a social worker and he's said to consider supervised contact with the children.
Would you go for finding out about that, or not?

I would definitely have done the same.

1. He's letting them think you're the bad guy in all this.
2. He's disgusting for messaging an 18 year old and sending money in exchange for naked photos.
3. The girl in question is the DD of a close family friend so they have the right to know (and hopefully it'll put a stop to him paying her for photos).
4. He's a vile pig and deserves it.
5. Please don't ever consider getting back with him.