Anyone who faced their abuser in court

[looondonn]

Is it ok to ask for some tips!

I'm worried that I will snap at the defence barrister and the way they phrase things etc

I am worried I won't make any sense

I'm worried I will cry so much no one will hear you

Please tell me your stories all of them please

People will judge you what ever you do. Its not a great time for women to be facing their abusers in court

Not sure how true that is

What about the recent progress that was made in light of some high profile cases

Don't care about being judged

I'm just looking for stories from people who have been there and how they managed

I'm glad it's going to court

I have given evidence in court before but not in this situation, though i have felt tense and defensive at times. The tips I was given were - ask for water, and take a sip of your drink before answering a question (to give you time to think) Or when they finish talking, breathe out and count to three before answering. Look at the judge (not the barrister) when giving your answer, this is etiquette but it also helps as the judge is a more neutral person to look at! And remember that you are very much allowed to ask the barrister to repeat or explain a question. If the judge thinks the question is too complex or misleading they will say so.

I know it's really hard. The formality of the court room does weirdly help with keeping your cool, even though it can be nerve wracking.

Also please try and keep in mind that the barrister is unlikely to believe an abuser client and they are just doing their job!

Wow this is amazing

Tha k you

That helps a lot

Will need all the strategies in order to stay calm and to listen !!!

Gosh this will be so so hard

Not giving evidence, but I recently sat on a jury for a rape trial. The accuser kept trying to make eye contact with the female jurors. This didn't bother me, I assumed it was because she felt more comfortable speaking to the women than to the men, given the charges, but the other female jurors thought it was a tactic and didn't like it, thought they were being manipulated. Though for what it's worth, the case wasn't clear cut. I think in a case where it's very clear what's happened and there's evidence to support it, it would have felt less tactical.

Good avic3 from @Talkingtopigeons . Good luck.

*Advice!

You should be offered the opportunity to visit the court beforehand, there are trained people (I can't recall their correct title, victim support?) who will show you around and answer any questions you have.

You may well be offered privacy screens which will mean that the dependent cant see you if you feel that may help you. They can also organise a different entrance for you and you should be kept well separated from the defendant.

I was terrified before my trial and made use of all the help and support available. In the end, the defendant was deemed to not be mentally fit to stand trial so he was not brought into the court and he was found guilty in his absence (I was still cross examined by his defence solicitor but it was not as bad as I had imagined it to be).

Take all the help available and keep your head high xxx

I have no practical advice really but I wonder whether your GP couldn't prescribe Xanax to help with the anxiety?
I might have to testify as a witness in a similar case. I say might because it's not a sure thing yet. Good luck to you OP.

If you are a witness in a criminal case, please speak to the witness care officer or the police officer handling your case. They will be able to answer your questions and put your mind at rest.

They can apply for you to have special measures when giving your evidence. This would usually be giving evidence in a separate room by video link or being in court but with a screen so the defendant can’t see you. There are other things that can be offered, depending on the circumstances of the case.

The witness care service can arrange for a visit to court before the trial so you can look around.

On the day of the trial, the prosecutor should speak to you and be able to answer your questions. The police officer will probably be there too.

When you’re giving evidence, your job is to tell the truth, to give your evidence. Whilst the defence will ask tricky questions (it’s their job), it’s not like on TV. If you take your time in answering the questions, you’ll be fine. If you don’t hear or don’t understand, you can ask them to repeat the question.

It is a hard thing to do but you will be ok and so relieved when you’ve done it.

@Baldrickhasaplan I'm not in the UK and I've just learnt where I am the judge doesn't even have the legal authority to subpoena the medical records of an abuser who took a kid to the hospital but was so "out of it" they commited her in the psych unit for a week. So it's like it never happened...! At this point I'm very doubtful anything will ever get to court. I hope the OP gets their day in court and keeps their head held high so the abuser can feel as small as a cockroach.

Yes me. I don’t normally take medication but couldn't have spoke in the witness box without the help of Propranolol. It doesn’t need to be taken regularly and works quick fast. Definitely worth considering.

Oooh that's good to know re meds

So it went to court last year

There were 4 charges

A juror asked why he was not being tried for 3 other nasty offences

So it was then adjourned for 18 months

Imagine !!!

So I have sat through a nasty defence barrister and she really got my back up and I stupidly snapped back at her a few times
Fell right into her hands

This time I'm trying to stay more measured and less reactive

Hate this piece of scum
He pleaded guilty to a few of the offences before the case

Horrible process

...

OP it's a horrible process but there will be light at the end of it! I've never taken Propanolol only Xanax and it doesn't make me want to sleep. I only took enough to stop hearing my heart beating and about to explode, it makes me less anxious but I wouldn't take it everyday. Your GP should help you with that. You should test how much you need to feel less anxious but not enough to want to go to bed and forget everything as you need your mind to be sharp and on point on the stand.
It's taken longer than you expected but surely that feeling of validation, hearing the jury stood with you and more offences will be added to his bill must be an amazing feeling to have! Focus on all the extra time he might end up serving, it will be worth it in the end.

If you’re in the UK you can ask witness care/victim support about “special measures”, eg screens so you don’t have to look at him. Explain how being able to see him made you feel last time.

Thanks so much

I flit from thinking he will go down and get what he deserves to fearing that I will be made out to be the lier and will be ridiculed

I literally did nothing wrong
In fact I tried to help him many times get therapy for him etc

Anyway who knows
If it's the same barrister she was a vile piece of work
The judge was lovely

I wonder if they will stick to the same people different jury

Remember you have the truth on your side. It really helps op!! Don't be afraid to ask for a drink or get a tissue out of your pocket. Take deep breaths and get the justice you deserve..

Last time the judge was such a kind man

He kept asking if I wanted a break
In fact all the court staff were so lovely

The barrister did her job, she tried to destabilise you. It would have been to her advantage for you to be scared of her, curl into a ball, start doubting yourself and messing up your words. You still held your own though, otherwise I don't think anyone would be talking about adding further offences, let alone going through with it.
I think there's always an extra degree of anxiety when we're doing something major and we don't know how it's going to be, as we don't know the process... The thing is next time you go to court won't be your first so you'll have an advantage there, which means he'll be at a disadvantage! The power will be on you!
His lawyer won't have the advantage of asking unknown/unexpected questions, I mean, there's only so much they can ask and surely they've already asked the important questions to try and catch you off guard and sway the jury their way -which not only didn't work but resulted in added offences! I wouldn't be shocked if he got a new lawyer, tbh I'd expect that to be the case and if he does get a new one you'll know you have this in the bag and he did it out of despair... which will mean his last one told him he's going to lose. So, if I were you I'd be super happy either way: old lawyer again means no surprises, new one means he's desperate, either way he's a goner.

Wow let's hope so

The CPs barrister said he would def need to be bringing his tooth brush next time

But my ex is such a good lier

Plus he is articulate and dresses well
I'm the opposite

This is so very true and thanks for your response

After 4 years my exh's facade dropped. He tried to attack me over the stand! Judge got the measure of him that day!
What wobbled me op was the 2 opposite barristers chatting on during the breaks! Was quite bizarre!
Stay strong op.
You can do this.

Mine was a very long time ago but the best piece of advice I can give is to be very confident of your answers and your side of the story.

The barrister will try to make you doubt yourself it twist your words so if they do, just say no and be confident with that. Don't let them make you doubt yourself.

The liar in this will.expose themselves.