Anyone who faced their abuser in court

[looondonn]

Is it ok to ask for some tips!

I'm worried that I will snap at the defence barrister and the way they phrase things etc

I am worried I won't make any sense

I'm worried I will cry so much no one will hear you

Please tell me your stories all of them please

Oh my gosh yes the chatting between the barristers
I was like what's going on ?? Are they all against me
I've done nothing wrong

Also - some of the jury kept posing questions to the judge
I happened so often it became really off putting

Ultimately it was their question that led to a 18 month adjournment 😩😩

So true

Even though it is all the facts and the truth some dates I need to go back over

Plus last time the bull dog barrister made a big deal that I lied about my wherreabouts when I fled d v
Like I stumbled with this and almost apologiesd for not telling my ex where I was hiding after he beat me black and blue
Like wtf 😳

Better be properly charged. He will need more than 1 toothbrush I think!

Do you think my cps barrister was just trying to make me feel better or really believed it ??

Thing is
Loser abuser said sorry and admitted the major offences via email
Hours were spend reading out all his email admissions

I'm worried his barrister will twist this and say he was apologising for something else ??'!! 😩

I've met a few people in my life I'd classify as psycopaths, all very articulate, all dressed well and all great at lying (under normal conditions)...
But I see it this way: there's only one truth, things happened in one particular way, if sb asks you, you won't deviate much for that, even if sb tries to trip you, you were there, you lived through it, so it would be very hard for you not to remember how/what happened. You don't need posh words, you need the truth.
Lies though, they come in all shapes, sizes and colours, he might be good at lying but to be excellent he'd have to remember every. single. thing he's said before and to whom but people never do!
Being questioned in court won't be the same as being at home, or out with friends, where he'd have all the time in the world to step back and decide which lie sounds better or would be more useful to him. He'll know how to answer to his lawyer but not to yours and he's got a lot more on his plate than you, so he'll be way more anxious, way more nervous, way more on edge and that's not sth a nice suit can fix for him. He won't look it but 100% guaranteed he'll be scared you! BTW I'm sure you can pick a power suit to give you that extra confidence boost too!
Good luck OP!

This is amazing

So so true

I have the truth on my side
Plus ambiance call, a and e trips
Social workers etc to verify

He just talks no sense
His argument is I made it all up as he cheated on me so I wanted to get back at him

What an insult

I snapped back at his barrister

I cried
I screamed in the stand

I made a right fool of my self

I guess my hope is to stay calm and composed

Not a screeching mess

Yes I have although it was many many years ago.
remember that the cps decided it was worth the public cost to bring it to court because they believed there was enough evidence for a conviction. They believe you. Obviously the defence will try and trip you up and make you question yourself etc, that’s their job. Expect it but be firm in your answers.
don’t look at your abuser. Don’t even turn your head that way. Just look at the solicitor asking you the questions, or find a friendly looking face in the jury to look at when you answer.
my case was a bit strange because it took so long to go from investigation to trial (over 2 years, I can’t remember why) so I was actually given my witness statement in the courtroom. If I was asked to recall an event I could look through the statement to remind myself, and they would even direct me to page x,y,z if needed. They know you will be nervous and it’s terrifying but it will be ok. I knew nothing about medications back then (early 2000’s) and at the time was clearly suffering with undiagnosed anxiety condition and ptsd (they weren’t as accepted as 16years ago). My abuser got 4years imprisonment.
however, it doesn’t end there. Victim support visited me once, and pretty much blamed me for what had happened (“well why didn’t you do x,y,z…”) and that was horrible. Hopefully times have moved on and they are more supportive, but that has stuck in my mind - being made to feel guilty for what he did. And then when he was released from prison he was allowed to return to the same town as me. My right to live safely was below his right to live with his mum apparently. I still see him every now and then, and each and everytime I still feel sick to my stomach and have a few bad mental health days following where I totally regress into myself. I hate feeling like this and the even more that I’m made to feel like this after 20years.
but anyway, that doesn’t really help you with going to court. Do you have someone you can trust going with you?

Wow thank you for sharing

Do you mind if I ask how many things he was convicted iff?

Mine is up for 6 offences now the bastarrd

You sound very strong

It is sich a hard process and takes bloody ages

Just the one I think it was. But it was a pretty major one.

it has made me annoyed when watching trials in soaps. It took 6 weeks from verdict to sentencing as they wanted to do reports (and then the bastard decided to suddenly change his plea to guilty at the sentencing, however since it had already been through a week long trial and the jury found him guilty, the judge ignored his sudden realisation that he maybe actually did it!). It is such a long process.

do you know what kind of sentence yours may be looking at?

Talk to your GP as there are options which can help with your nerves and anxiety. You could probably also benefit from starting therapy. You won't be a screeching mess but you don't want to be too calm and collected either. If I were a juror I'd expect you to be a tad bit nervous, so whenever you think you're too nervous, think of it as being good for you.
My DM always says criminals are allowed to tell all the lies in the world, particularly if their life depends on it. Your abuser's allowed to lie, but I find it unlikely such lies will fit in with so many other testimonies/evidence. How likely would it be that so many random people got together to have the same story and fabricate evidence just so your abuser could be accused?! Not very and the jurors will know that.

Wow

What a fkcer fuming in your behalf

No idea
As he is now uo for more offences

He pleaded guilty to a few things before it went to court
Then said he was totally innocent and I have made it all up

So the whole process is just crazy
Also threatened to kill ne family and I have emails to prove this but it wasn't allowed to be mentioned in court
Bit of a joke

CPs were keen for me to accept his plea to the lesser charges I was like HELL nooooooo

Yes

Well isn't that so very true

Social services
Doctors
Paramedics
My family
Psychotherapist
Health visitor
Mid wife

They all can't be lying now can they

Well the mad man says they all took my side as they are racist
They are not
In fact they are from all races
And none dare mention race as a factor here
It is not relevant I feel
He says it is

He did something horrendous against me

And then took a picture of what he did and sent to me while I was hiding from him

I deleted the photo immediately as I was so mortified

Absolute monster

In his everyday job he is worshiped
Like he is an actual god

Makes me so sick

Not the same but I have witnessed others give evidence and have myself in a professional capacity
talk to the judge look at them when answering you don’t need to look at his defence
you can ask for him not to be present or to give evidence via video link
don’t be afraid to show emotion
just tell the truth
if you need to take a minute do
be prepare they will try and make you out to be a liar that is what they are being paid to do, don’t agree to things you don’t agree with, if you are struggling tell the judge

good luck x

He's allowed to say whatever he wants but just because he says it, it won't become the truth, it'll still be a lie.
Your list of witnesses is too random for him to say it's all nonsense and the world's out to get him. Heck, he's not that special for a doctor to get together with a social worker and call a paramedic, so they can all say the same.
His lawyer must have had a chat and said his chances are so bad he's better off pleading guilty than risking a day in court. Clearly she was right as more offences were added to the list!
Just from looking at that last list I think you have a strong case but you sound very doubtful... He's clutching at straws because he's desperate! Don't look at it like your case isn't a sound one but more like he's desperate as he's realised he's about to hit rock bottom.
Is he pretty? Rhetorical question there, I hope he is, I've never met anyone who's been in prison but I've always heard they like pretty faces. He comes across as pretty arrogant so with him being pretty too, I can only imagine all the lovely friends he'll meet.
You have to take care of you MH. You can't let this be the biggest thing you've ever done and you can't let an abuser be the most important person you'll ever meet. Your abuse was sustained in time so you'll need time (and why not professional help) to get out of that bad place where your mind is. If you can get help, you should!

Thanks so so much

Much appreciated

Some of the jury just looked so bored

So I looked at the judge a lot or looked down to the ground

I also didn't realise they would put up photos to try to show I was lying
Like for example he hit me one night and they showed a photo of us few hours earlier in a restaurant. Like why?

Well my gosh aint that the truth

Yes he is very good looking btw

I know my case is strong but I listened to him for so long telling me how stupid I am and how. No one will ever believe me

And that men have to hit women that's just how it has to be
Has been for decades

Mad bastard

I’m a court reporter OP so I’ve watched countless women giving evidence over the years. It very, very much depends on the jury but it’s very hard to get a conviction for this kind of crime.

However, do not let this put you off. Be calm, take a breath and a drink of water very often. If you feel yourself getting wound up, remember you’re the one with the power. You can bury this man. He knows it.

Even if you do not get a conviction it does not mean he didn’t do it. It means he had a good barrister and there just wasn’t enough evidence to convict beyond reasonable doubt. The police believe you, the CPS believe you and every person who works in that court will believe you (probably including the judge) because they see this kind of manipulative defendant every day. I always give the women a little smile as they’re going up to give evidence, just so they know I believe them.

imagine when you’re standing up there, all the women whose cases never got to court. You’re doing them a great service. Every woman that gives evidence like this makes it a tiny bit easier for women to do so in the future. That’s a result, even if you don’t get a conviction.

Good luck.

Thank you

Why is it so hard to get a conviction?

He admitted to it via email
I have proof of the threats
Hospital reports etc

So most men get off then even with all of this against them?
Why did cps say he will need his toothbrush next time he comes back ??

Or if this is even enough to take the bastard down then what do I need to have ??

Glad it has even made it to court

Thanks all

Anyone else been in my shoes?

I feel so put off when people say I have no chance

Forgot to mention
The judge - who was such a kind man
Kept stopping me as he was taking notes
He said I was talking too fast 😝😝😝😝

...

I had to do mine twice.
First year I was absolutely terrified and managed to tell my truth in the courtroom. I couldn't look at anyone but a blank space on the wall in front of me.

Everyone on my side gave their evidence as well and he was able to sit and listen to everyone testify.

I was able to clarify some of the things he said occured that day and it showed that he was lying.

One of the things he had said is he couldn't do what he had done because he had a broken arm.

This was proven untrue and hospital records were produced to show that he had broken his arm a long time after the assault.

Just before it was his turn to testify, his solicitor decided he could no longer represent him because he was lying.

I don't know if that was to buy him some time or not though because it meant there would be grounds for an appeal if he was unrepresented. The judge ordered a retrial because of this.
I'm sure his solicitor knew this and pulled that tactic to allow him to change his story and hire someone else.

I didn't want to do it again initially. The police begged me to and said I could have special measures in a room away from the courtroom.

It took another year to go to court again.
This time, everything that he was caught out lying about was left out of his testimony. He changed his story based on what he'd heard the previous year.

I still told the truth regardless, but the barrister asking me questions asked me what I was wearing that day (a black suit, it was a funeral wake) and made up stories that didn't happen but presented them as fact.
I stumbled over this because I knew what he was saying was completely untrue, but he said it in a way that made it sound like facts. I just kept saying that it wasn't true and was verging on a panic attack.

They wouldn't allow the police to testify on my behalf either the second time round. I still don't know why.

I lost my case. My mum had to tell me the verdict because I couldn't be there due to my anxiety. She said it was a hung jury but I'll never know.
I'm still waiting for the court/CPS to ring me and tell me the verdict because they didn't bother to inform me either.
This was 6-7 years ago.