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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unwanted photographs

33 replies

motherofcatsandbears · 10/06/2022 20:14

To start, I’m not particularly hideous to look at but I’m not a classic beauty.
Ever since I was little, I have had an absolute dread of having my photo taken and opt to stay out of photos when possible.
I was visiting my mum on holiday last month and we went out for dinner with friends. We had a lovey meal until……… “let’s take a photo!”
I politely said that I would rather sit it out as I really don’t like having my photo taken - lo and behold, two people jump up with their phones and start snapping away like paparazzi.
I tried to get away but they had their longed for pics.
To add insult to injury, one of the other people at the table made a boo hoo cry baby face.
Is it me or does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
godmum56 · 10/06/2022 20:16

i plain old refuse, turn my back or leave. Myself is mine!

Justcallmebebes · 10/06/2022 20:28

Me too. Absolutely hate it. I always look like I've been dug up in photos

Luredbyapomegranate · 10/06/2022 20:52

Yes, but because photos have got so common I am more or less over it. I have figured out how to make myself look a bit better

ifoundthebread · 10/06/2022 21:00

I'm not a fan of my picture taken but after recently loosing a family member, pictures are all we have left. We have a handful of random pictures at different times throughout his life and wish we had more. Now I grit my teeth and smile because if I die tomorrow my friends have pictures to share with my kids and the memories to go with.

DWofMN · 10/06/2022 21:06

I'm not photo-averse but I understand where you're coming from. I'm pregnant with HG and so have been really, really sick and generally look awful. My skin is dry and sallow and grey and sunken, my hair is breaking so I have weird fuzz... I just look shit. On Mother's Day this year, I met up with my mother, my sister and our respective husbands and kids. I was in a hoody and leggings and spent the whole day being sick. My sister and mum were both in lovely outfits, make up and hair done - looked great. My mum insisted on getting photos of us all so after a lot of push back from me, I gave in and eventually dragged myself off the sofa. The next thing I know, the photo has been shared on social media for everyone to see - and I look like absolute shite. I just untagged myself and silently was really upset.

Ameanstreakamilewide · 10/06/2022 22:02

godmum56 · 10/06/2022 20:16

i plain old refuse, turn my back or leave. Myself is mine!

Same. As soon as the camera makes an appearance i toddle off elsewhere.

I get gyp for it sometimes, but it just pings off me like I'm Teflon.

Teacupsandtoast · 10/06/2022 22:08

Yanbu....but yabu to a degree. Being present in photos means you can be present in the memories of others when you are no longer here - the photo isn't so much for you, but for those who want to remember a moment with the people who made that moment memorable for them. Obviously if you feel like utter death decline, but assuming at a nice meal you look half way presentable, people will never see the faults you do.

DimplesToadfoot · 10/06/2022 22:09

I don't think you'll find one photo of me on the planet. Thankfully my friends understand and don't push or try to coerce me, but if they did then I feel that strongly I'd have no problem ending the friendship.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 11/06/2022 22:02

Well, personally I think YABU.

I hate myself in photos too. I always think I look quite nice in real life, but photos just accentuate every feature that I dislike.

However - I would like to be remembered at certain events. I know my family would like to remember me also. I also have come to terms with the fact that my insecurities rarely reflect how others feel when they see me in pictures.

I hated having my picture taken as a young teen, and consequently you'd think I went from about 10 to about 21 with no inbetween. I'd like to be able to look back at those now!

girlmom21 · 11/06/2022 22:04

Why does it matter what faces other people are making?

You could've avoided the picture if you really wanted to.

XenoBitch · 11/06/2022 22:05

I am the same. I am not in a single wedding photo. When they do the big group one, I go to the back and duck. A wedding photographer once snapped a candid one of me. I made him delete it.

PurpleButterflyWings · 11/06/2022 22:31

Teacupsandtoast · 10/06/2022 22:08

Yanbu....but yabu to a degree. Being present in photos means you can be present in the memories of others when you are no longer here - the photo isn't so much for you, but for those who want to remember a moment with the people who made that moment memorable for them. Obviously if you feel like utter death decline, but assuming at a nice meal you look half way presentable, people will never see the faults you do.

This. ^ IMO the OP is being unreasonable. There's nothing worse (IMO) than someone moaning and griping when you want to take a group photograph, and being all precious.

I was at a meal out the other week, (with some 15 people,) and one of the women who was there, has put on 2 stone since November, and was OBSESSED with nobody taking a photo with her in shot. Every time someone attempted to take a photo (even if they weren't attempting to get her in it,) she squealed and whined and griped and moaned like a little toddler. 'Oh you're killing me!' 'Oh you're ruining my life!' 'Oh my God you KNOW I hate it when people take photos of me.' 'ARGGGH! Get that camera away from me!' Angry

Like, don't leave the fucking house, let alone go to a social event, if you're so precious you can't bear to be in photos!

Brefugee · 11/06/2022 22:32

I refuse to have my photo taken. Anyone who tries to force me gets the sharp edge of my tongue. And my tongue is very sharp

Ameanstreakamilewide · 11/06/2022 22:51

Brefugee · 11/06/2022 22:32

I refuse to have my photo taken. Anyone who tries to force me gets the sharp edge of my tongue. And my tongue is very sharp

Same. People get the message eventually.

I now realise, at the grand old age of 42, that I'm actually as stubborn as a mule. Which I would never described myself as, once upon a time.

I won't be talked into things, once I've said no to something.

legaltigger · 11/06/2022 22:56

I'm pregnant and look like a massive fucking whale and have requested no photographic evidence of this. So embarrassed. I feel the pain.

Isaidnoalready · 11/06/2022 22:59

Put up your middle finger next time seriously when will people learn to respect others wishes

Thisbastardcomputer · 11/06/2022 23:07

I've probably had two photos of myself I like in my entire life. I avoid camera's

XenoBitch · 11/06/2022 23:10

PurpleButterflyWings · 11/06/2022 22:31

This. ^ IMO the OP is being unreasonable. There's nothing worse (IMO) than someone moaning and griping when you want to take a group photograph, and being all precious.

I was at a meal out the other week, (with some 15 people,) and one of the women who was there, has put on 2 stone since November, and was OBSESSED with nobody taking a photo with her in shot. Every time someone attempted to take a photo (even if they weren't attempting to get her in it,) she squealed and whined and griped and moaned like a little toddler. 'Oh you're killing me!' 'Oh you're ruining my life!' 'Oh my God you KNOW I hate it when people take photos of me.' 'ARGGGH! Get that camera away from me!' Angry

Like, don't leave the fucking house, let alone go to a social event, if you're so precious you can't bear to be in photos!

Show quote history

Leaving the house and seeing friends does not mean you consent to being in photos. Why should anyone who does not want to be in photos never leave their house? That makes no sense.

PurpleButterflyWings · 11/06/2022 23:12

Brefugee · 11/06/2022 22:32

I refuse to have my photo taken. Anyone who tries to force me gets the sharp edge of my tongue. And my tongue is very sharp

🙄

Unwanted photographs
WishILivedInThrushGreen · 11/06/2022 23:18

I don't understand how people feel that they can freely take a photo of you , when you've objected.
It riles me that they feel that they can then freely feel entitled to post an image of you on social media.

To coin a popular MN phrase, it 'boils my piss!'

FOJN · 11/06/2022 23:20

You are not alone, I hate it too. It's got nothing to do with how I look it just feels quite intrusive. Why do people assume it's fine to take photos without asking or pressure you to be included even if you would just like to quietly remove yourself.

I think I was probably ambivalent for most of my life but after people came to my wedding, took photos and then posted them all over their own SM without asking I've become much more resistant.

flinginflangin · 12/06/2022 09:15

I absolutely hate having my photo taken. I hate it even more when it gets posted to social media. I have a friend who cannot put her phone away while we are out and is constantly taking photos. I try to dodge them but inevitably I am on the periphery of some which undoubtedly will all be posted to Facebook the following day. I always get breezily told I 'look fine' but if I don't want my face on SM surely that's my choice? I can disallow tagging, sure, but everyone still sees it. Life was so much easier before camera phones when people had to physically develop photos and there was no way to share them widely.

Kanaloa · 12/06/2022 09:26

You’re almost certainly not bad looking. There’s hardly any ugly people really.

Personally I used to dislike having my photo taken but I have no childhood photos of me with my parents and I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking it’s normal to have family photos at lovely days out and holidays that don’t have mummy in them. What does that say to them? And the more photos I had taken the less I minded. Now I love looking back on photos from days out we’ve had.

Kanaloa · 12/06/2022 09:28

However, I don’t hold with people taking constant photos for social media. It’s pointless and (to me) actually spoils the day when I’m being constantly photographed. I have one acquaintance who does it and it’s horrible. Going out for a coffee or anything is pointless because it’s just order, take loads of photos, post them, scroll phone. I don’t go anywhere with her alone anymore because she’s on a day out with her phone and not me!

But a nice photo on holiday or a day out is lovely to look back on.

OneTC · 12/06/2022 09:29

There's photos of me but it's rare. I normally go out of my way to avoid them

Taking photos is a good way to not be in many