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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unwanted photographs

33 replies

motherofcatsandbears · 10/06/2022 20:14

To start, I’m not particularly hideous to look at but I’m not a classic beauty.
Ever since I was little, I have had an absolute dread of having my photo taken and opt to stay out of photos when possible.
I was visiting my mum on holiday last month and we went out for dinner with friends. We had a lovey meal until……… “let’s take a photo!”
I politely said that I would rather sit it out as I really don’t like having my photo taken - lo and behold, two people jump up with their phones and start snapping away like paparazzi.
I tried to get away but they had their longed for pics.
To add insult to injury, one of the other people at the table made a boo hoo cry baby face.
Is it me or does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
carefullycourageous · 12/06/2022 09:36

I decline photos usually. I do not wnat my soul to be stolen Grin

But seriously, I prefer not to be in pictures and that is fine. Everyone is a free agent.

SallyWD · 12/06/2022 09:45

Oh God, I'm the same! I actually think I look nice in the mirror then I see a completely different version of myself in photos!! I hate it. I feel anxious whenever someone takes a photo of me. I just don't like seeing how I look to others (which for some bizarre reason is very different to what I see in the mirror). Sometimes you just can't avoid the camera. Family members etc want to have a record of gatherings and you can't just avoid ALL photos. I let them take pictures of me then just don't look at the photos. Usually if photos of me are shared on WhatsApp, I'll quickly delete them for me only.

JudgeJ · 12/06/2022 14:46

motherofcatsandbears · 10/06/2022 20:14

To start, I’m not particularly hideous to look at but I’m not a classic beauty.
Ever since I was little, I have had an absolute dread of having my photo taken and opt to stay out of photos when possible.
I was visiting my mum on holiday last month and we went out for dinner with friends. We had a lovey meal until……… “let’s take a photo!”
I politely said that I would rather sit it out as I really don’t like having my photo taken - lo and behold, two people jump up with their phones and start snapping away like paparazzi.
I tried to get away but they had their longed for pics.
To add insult to injury, one of the other people at the table made a boo hoo cry baby face.
Is it me or does anyone else feel like this?

No, it's not just you, it's a form of bullying and if someone came near me with a camera when I'd said no they would be picking it up from the floor. I once deleted all the photos from someone's camera because he thought it was funny to snap one, and I'm talking 500+!
I don't do photos, I'm sure someone very expensive could work out why if I gave a damn, I know perfectly well and I hate it.

JudgeJ · 12/06/2022 14:48

Teacupsandtoast · 10/06/2022 22:08

Yanbu....but yabu to a degree. Being present in photos means you can be present in the memories of others when you are no longer here - the photo isn't so much for you, but for those who want to remember a moment with the people who made that moment memorable for them. Obviously if you feel like utter death decline, but assuming at a nice meal you look half way presentable, people will never see the faults you do.

So it's OK to abuse someone to make yourself feel good? Would you extend that perverted logic to all forms of abuse?

CapMarvel · 12/06/2022 14:51

Brefugee · 11/06/2022 22:32

I refuse to have my photo taken. Anyone who tries to force me gets the sharp edge of my tongue. And my tongue is very sharp

I guess eventually if you are enough of an arsehole about it nobody will invite you to anything.

tsmainsqueeze · 12/06/2022 14:57

WishILivedInThrushGreen · 11/06/2022 23:18

I don't understand how people feel that they can freely take a photo of you , when you've objected.
It riles me that they feel that they can then freely feel entitled to post an image of you on social media.

To coin a popular MN phrase, it 'boils my piss!'

I feel the same , don't think i'm that bad looking in real life 😄but look like sloth from the goonies in photo's , i absolutely loathe having mine taken.
I also feel that it is massively intrusive taking random photo's without peoples knowledge or permission - MY SISTER !
I inwardly cringe when i see filming /photos on the news taken without people knowing ie smoking /obesity topics.
Just go away with your bloody camera !

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/06/2022 10:24

JudgeJ · 12/06/2022 14:48

So it's OK to abuse someone to make yourself feel good? Would you extend that perverted logic to all forms of abuse?

Show quote history

Oh give over. How do you function in the real world.

Wilkolampshade · 15/06/2022 10:50

No I'm the same.
I look OK in real life but just don't translate into 2d. Can't be helped. I've had a really difficult relationship with my appearance since I was 7 or 8 (now 53) and whilst I now accept myself, even love myself a bit, I find photos of myself upsetting and just genuinely don't need that.
I'm aware the kids would like some pics when I'm gone, so will try a bit over the next few years to manage some with them. They understand how I feel though and would let me have some time to sort my face out first.
But friends snapping away with no warning? Posting on social media? No thanks.

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