I’ve got a roof box off free cycle. Husband has gone mad!

[VWCJW]

Every holiday, my husband prides himself on taking hardly anything to a self catering holiday, and gets really stressed by me and my daughter taking a normal amount of clothes. He moans that it all won’t fit in the car and our kids sit with loads of stuff by their feet and piled up between them. This year, we have a long journey through France and our kids are getting taller so I got a roof box and my husband has got really upset and stressed about it. He says he doesn’t want to drill holes in his car and it means we will just take more stuff we don’t need. He was literally shaking about it. I’ve told him we will get rid but I don’t really want to. We have a massive box of footballs in the garage and I am sure they could be stored in the roof box so it won’t take up more room but he just says he hopes we will have less footballs in the future. He’s clearly not thinking properly as our son is really sporty and will probably end up with rugby and basketballs too, once at secondary school. Am I right to think that a roof box is a good thing? I see loads of cars with them. Or is he right and they are just an excuse to take a load of extra crap you don’t need?

He is probably angry at something far deeper - perhaps he is struggling with work or trying to make more money and possibly worried about the current insecure times with jobs - there could be a whole load of deeper issues that have triggered this. Try talking to your husband about this. Storing balls in a car roof box - perhaps you need more storage shelving and boxing in the garage. I agree that most people take far too much on holiday so understand your husband's point of view on this too.

If you do get roof bars, you need to make sure you get ones that are compatible with your car, you shouldn't just get any old ones from Freecycle.

If you go to somewhere like halfords online, you can out in your reg number and it will tell you which ones you need (assuming you're getting the sort that clip onto the roof via the doors).

But ours is a godsend, especially if you're going near a beach in France, as a pp said you can bring all the beach stuff in it and also keep it there during the holiday when you're not using it.

Maybe suggest to your husband that because you kids are now much bigger, you either need the roof box or a bigger car.

How does your DH feel about washing all the clothes while you're away?

Get some properly fitted roof bars for the car and job done! I can't see his problem.

I can see your problem though. Him.

Good point about both our kids. If he packed and I wasn’t around, they would have a small number of shorts and T shirts, trainers, swimwear a towel and a coat. He always says the clothes can be washed whilst there but I must admit, I do that.

my husband is always proud he only has a few t shirts and shorts and will just wash them (well I will)

So, he'd prefer that everyone travel light, but the only reason this would work is because you do the laundry whilst on holiday not him! He has a choice then doesn't he; either he takes charge of the laundry so everyone takes the absolute minimum, or he leaves the laundry to you in which case you decide what works. Cheeky sod.

We have a roof box, I bought the biggest I could find. It really does make packing a lot easier, I fitted 4 hand luggage suitcases in mine on our half term trip, plus 2 deckchairs, a suit carrier and a carrier bag full of beach towels. Then everything else fitted under the boot cover.

my roof bars clamp onto the door frames, although my new car (on order since October) has roof rails so I will need to replace those.

my tip would be to take a step of folding kitchen steps with your for accessing the box while away. My steps fold flat and the 2 step set which fits under a work top are enough

If you don't have them already, can I suggest compressions sacks for clothes? T-shirts/shorts etc can be rolled and they can go in the roof box along with a load of other assorted kit.

Perhaps suggest to your dh you tow a trailer instead, which will require a tow bar to be fitted at far greater expense, and require more space to store - and you're not supposed to travel at more than 60 towing one. Roof box makes far more sense and can be hung on hooks on the garage wall to keep it out of the way. Don't understand what the fuss is about - unless he's annoyed you've stolen his thunder by organising one and therefore will get the credit for how it has revolutionised your holiday travel?

Might have been said here but Halfords can help fit and advise. We bought a box from ebay but then had to get bars which were a bit dearer than we thought but it's so useful for long journeys or camping. We put most of our clothes up there leaving space in the car for kids to move and not be packed in.
Just remember to check you ferry crossing or whatever doesn't need you to tick a roof box option.
Your Dh sounds like he has some control issues or other mental health problems if he's freaking out about you being sensible and proactive, you need stuff for holidays it makes it more pleasant.

He's hacked off cos you found it as a "freebie" not him, as that would be totally diffirent.
As others have said, Drill holes, idiot!

This has probably been addressed but youve missed the bit where the OP mentions the family are bigger and therefore need more stuff!

Anyway OP bizarre your oh was literally shaking! Hmm adding a roof box shouldn't alter the handling but @ShaunaTheSheep is right in that it will affect fuel consumption. Not hugely though 🤷‍♀️

It hasnt been hugely acknowledged though (although has by some) that she didnt discuss this, didnt plan it, didnt have ideas about whether its necessary, she just went and did it and only got half the bits, shes now scouring sites to see if she can find the bars and feet and fittings.
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You cant just unilaterally make those sorts of decisions and expect someone to be comfortable about it when the underlying issue of her taking too much stuff doesnt seem to have been addressed either.

I think it maybe about his lack of control over the decision to get the roof box rather than being mad about the actual item. I do get things myself from freecycle or FB but I've discovered the reaction to them is better if I discuss it first with and offer DH options. Unfortunately it's probably gonna be a flare up issue now, so if there's no where easy to store it, I'd regift it. Great shame as I'm never a light packer either but tbh I don't use half of what I take even on a weekend away.

They are so useful , I managed to get most of my lads uni stuff in it when taking him to and from accommodation, also very useful for travelling kids and long trip in France equals loads, we went in a mini just 2 of us and car loaded lol , just remember though about extra height , as a lot of car parks have low barriers to stop vans and campers, nearly got stuck a couple of times lol

So in response to some comments, I saw some suitable roof bars on freecycle last week. If not I shall get some. There are several local showing on Facebook Marketplace and Gumtree so hopefully the cost won’t be an issue.

As expected, the OP presented a problem rather than a solution and DH was clearly expected to be ecstatic at being offered the opportunity to research how to make it work.

Roofbox minus the essentials to attach it to the car is not something you can expect a happy dance for. It's less than half the job done.

Is your husband controlling does he manipulate everything so it’s all about him does he not have the patience with his family. Is he narcissistic as they creates all kinds of crazy behaviour I know as my ex partner was narcissistic and holidays were all about him 24/7. You are entitled to bring your stuff with you it’s all about compromise but I get the impression he is dictating everything which is not healthy or normal. Sit down and think about how he acts. If your not happy there is divorce as an option then you can go where you want and to take as much of your stuff as possible. Good luck. Let us know how you get on

getting a roof box free is wonderful, they are so dear, so what yu need roof bars, they are the cheaper part of the set up, if you get the cheapest that will work, although they might not be as adaptable to a new vehicle as dearer ones. A trailer and towbar are dear, that obviously is another solution, but trailers are harder to store than roof boxes
My own children as they grew got fed upper with all the stuff round them and all the way to France, they need to stretch out their legs and move
Taking the bare minimum is risky, when we've tried it we have ended up having to buy stuff just to keep warm
Having one has revolutionised camping for me. Bedding and beach stuff go in the box, so it is nice and clean, and beach stuff is kept out of the way
If someone is thinking of getting one, let me recommend a folding one, I go one secondhand Thule locally and it folds down nicely to store. Not cheap to buy new, but worth it for the convenient. Being short I hace a folding stool I stand on but last year saw a lady with a folding platform, so much more convenient, wand I have decided to take mine this year [and use it as a table, so won't need a table so no more space taken up]
I'm sure the packing light and blaming everyone else for bringing too much is facilitated by you bringing everything else apart from his undercrackers etc. As others have said, like your bag that has all the stuff people need out and about, tissues, plasters and a mini first aid kit, snacks, a water bottle, wipes for sticky hands, sun cream, painkillers and antihistamines, power bank in case someone's phone dies, all the things that yes you could buy while out if you could find a shop, but can spoil a day out if you haven't got them

I would have thought thats the other way round, the box is the cheap bit, its the rails, feet and fittings that cost the money, ours was anyway, we had Thule and they had to be for your specific car. The box we just got from Halfords. We had bought the rails and feet and stuff previously anyway because we used to have the bikes on the roof

Love that DH prides himself on taking just a few tops and shorts and one hoodie and then expects OP to wash them for him

absolutely typical

Personally I would be interested in the other version of this.

I said upthread that I get terribly stressed out and panicky because of the sheer amount of stuff my OH takes on holiday, it makes me feel smothered and claustrophobic, such an uncomfortable feeling (he has hoarding tendancies too like OP)

However when we are away, what he will say to my concerns about how much stuff he brings is 'well you're quite happy to use it arent you'

Well the context to that is that if he is using something or has something, and its already there, then of course I will use it, but if it wasnt there or available I would just do without, it wouldnt bother me

I wonder if OP is doing a wash and just asks him if he has any washing to put on, which of course he may well have. So his stuff is washed by her but he might not have bothered if there wasnt a wash going on

Of course if his items are literally the only things going in a washing machine then she is a bit of a mug for doing it and I would advise stopping that, he can do it if he wants

@bellac11 I wonder how often her OH is doing the washing or his paltry amount of clothes and asks OP if she has some washing she wants doing? Men apparently can use washing machines!

Roof box sounds like a sensible idea - and definitely get a set of roof bars/roof rack to fit your specific vehicle. Make sure you keep the keys to the roof box separately but safely with you on holiday so you don't have any mishaps (loisng the key or somehow managing to lock it in the box!) - but most importantly, don't forget to let Eurostar or your ferry company know that the height of your vehicle has increased!

I know, I dont do any of the washing or ironing in this house, its OHs job.

So he takes the bare minimum and you get to wash it? Ridiculous. You are supposed to be on holiday. You don’t need a different outfit for every day and a favourite item might be washed and worn again but taking so little for his odd reason is ridiculous.

Can I just add that it sounds like you have a very negative husband oh, he sounds like mine. He tells me to throw all my things away all the time. moves my stuff around. some guys are just crazy and I think they need to live alone lol

Yes this. Either he goes with the box or you go by plane and meet him there