Unschooling - thoughts?

[Snickerdoodle1]

Recently got back in touch with an old school friend via Facebook, have mostly shared messages but last week we met properly for coffee and was good to see her again.

I'd never heard of it before but apparently she is 'unschooling' her DS - not the same as home ed as they never sit down and dedicate time to work, they just visit the occasional museum and forest school class but mostly just focus on being happy. They go on a lot of holidays and spend time will their fellow unschooling friends.

Her DS seems cheerful and positive so clearly she's doing something right but when I was discussing with DH later at home he said he thinks it's 'not fair' on someone not to equip them for life and work and adulthood.

Just wondering what other people's thoughts/opinions are on it?

To add some balance my son goes to a special school part time, and the way they teach is very close to unschooling.

Yeah I agree. Mumsnet is full of wine mums who love to compare SATS results and how many extra curriculars they can cram into their poor child’s schedule so I’m not expecting an open mind about alternative education to be honest lol.

The fact that so many are going on about exams, trigonometry and other very academically focused things shows why so many end up going down this route because the system doesn’t work for their child.

sadly for a lot of children the school system suppresses any love of learning.

I actually know a (now adult ) couple of home educated people

no formal qualifications at all and yes they got the lowest paid jobs BUT had such strength and common sense and great life skills that they were competent enough to quickly work their way up and now have great careers . If you reach your goal in the end does the path taken matter ?

...unless, of course, he was taken out of school because of severe bullying / trauma, not being able to cope. having behavioural issues or SEN etc. Even so, a more structured home schooling approach would at least keep some options open.

When I have seen the term unschooling used it has been used when the child has been through trauma, sometimes trauma caused by being in school.

Of course the facts do not bear this out - home educated kids in general do pretty well. But never let facts get in the way of a good bit of personal invective!

Depends on what your aim as a parent is. If it’s to encourage whimful happiness NOW then fine but if it’s preparing your kids for life after they’ve left the nest/you’ve gone then it’s an idiotic path to choose.. x

I don't think it's fair for anyone to judge your 'friend' on the basis of your extremely vague, yet obviously negative insight.

It’s sad how much people have been conditioned by society to swear by conventional schooling. I bet you could tell people kids need to be formally taught with structure to walk and talk and they’d believe it.

Of course the facts do not bear this out - home educated kids in general do pretty well. But never let facts get in the way of a good bit of personal invective!

Home schooling can be brilliant. I think there still needs to be some guidance from the parent to make sure all the important stuff gets covered. That doesn’t seem to fit with the unschooling approach.

ds2 was so stressed by the school system that he was regressing both academically and behaviourally. We took him out of school completely age 12 after exhausting all school options available to us and i guess you could say unschooled him for a couple of years. After that he was able to slowly to start to reengage with learning with home tutors and is now doing A levels. Whilst many children thrive at school unfortunately it is not the best education for others.

Socialisation - always comes up.

When you have a child with SEN, very often their school socialisation includes bullying and taunts.
Being out of school gives many children the chance to blossom, to learn to be themselves and follow their interests without having to try to fit in with peers who will otherwise bully them.

Unschooling meant my boys had opportunities to see a range of different people, all of whom interacted respectfully with them. Sadly I can’t say the same for their time in school.

I’m unsure why school is always held up as some sort of utopia for socialising children, when for an awful lot the opposite is true.
I know many adults who are still trying to recover from their school days!

Why would we not educate our children in a different way, knowing how catastrophic the school system can be for many children.

Also, kids shouldn’t have to try school and experience trauma to “justify” being home educated. It’s a perfectly valid choice to choose as a first option.

I feel sorry for child as it’s restricting his access to future courses and careers. Yes he can go as an adult and scrape some qualifications but full range of options won’t be available. He has little chance of studying a competitive course like vet, law, medicine etc. All his life his baggage will be there when applying for jobs - why haven’t you got gcses, why did you do access course etc.
He’s not in school or homeschooling in the sense of attending online school or homeschool groups.
Realistically if he decided to go to school age 13 or 14 he’d be in a horrible position trying to catch up. Obviously some do ok eg asylum seekers arriving as teens but it takes a heck of a lot of determination and effort by schools to work with them eg they may only sit 5 gcse etc.

Indeed. School “socialisation” is forced socialisation and its artificial, when in the real world are you shoved into a room with 30 people the same age as you only? It’s not remotely comparable.

I can only see that home schooling or unschooling works if you have a child who is naturally curious and intelligent and interested in a wide range of subjects. If i had home schooled my 1 year old she probably would still be talented at art, music and English, as she is now, but she wouldn't have done any more maths after counting to 20. Bit problematic for ever getting a job.

15 year old not 1 year old!!

Yes we had a visit from our LA as id sent my yearly report and put down that dd does not socialise at all and why. They came to see her which was fine . They were so so lovely.

We had tried many groups and dd didn’t want to. She has ASD and serious medical problems and they listened to her and she told them she just doesn’t want to socialise at the moment - they totally understood and I was glad they actually took the time to come and check. They were really understanding

That’s where you expose the child to opportunities and activities where mathematical learning comes up naturally, preferably based around things the child enjoys. Unschooling seems to reject that approach though.

I was on a HS group way before my ds and I was horrified at how people played with their kids education. Some were unschooling for a year or two! Others were so proud to say that their child couldn't read till 11 years but that ok, because it's all about going at their own pace. Some were so proud about taking their child to a big trip to the supermarket where they learnt about budgeting - as if you can't do this on a weekend after school 🙄. I do believe that some children thrive in a HS setting but I really believe that HS needs to be regulated and monitored extensively.

She would naturally learn more than counting to twenty from the nature of activities, but say she didn’t pick up much maths for arguments sake - maybe she old be an author, an artist or a musician? Maybe she would compose, maybe she’d write novels. Not every child has to be good at everything.

I am rubbish at maths - I have dyslexia and ADHD. Forcing me to sit maths didn’t make me competent at it or suddenly really love maths. All it did was take up important time I could’ve given to something I love. I can’t even remember any maths I did at school. “Career” wise, I’m a stay at home mother but I’m also an artist and sell paintings. I’ve never had someone ask me to use trigonometry before they’ve commissioned me.

I don't think you understand unschooling. People take the phrase too literally. unschoolers.org/what-is-unschooling/

How do you know an unschooled child will not learn these things you refer to as 'the important stuff'? A very large number leave school functionally illiterate and unable to do basic maths.

Unschooling isn't the same as not educating your children, it's just educating in a different way to school. Some children fare better without the rigid structure of school but still go on to do very well in regards to qualifications and careers. Not being in school doesn't mean that you can't persue further education, and often those children have an easier time adjusting to the independent study in higher education vs teacher led they would have had at primary and secondary school.

Can anyone explain in terms that a four year old can understand how unschooling is different to conventional home schooling?