Or are his priorities fucked up?

[MyGhastIsFlabbered]

I've recently been found to be anaemic and am undergoing all sorts of tests. I had blood found in my urine recently and had been asked to drop another sample into my GP surgery. I work from 8-4 so leave the house before the surgery opens so dropping it off is tricky.

The day before yesterday I had visible blood in my urine. H was working from home yesterday so is asked him if he wouldn't mind dropping a sample in for me. He said he couldn't possibly do it because he was 'WORKING' at home. It would have taken 10 minutes or so to nip down to the surgery.

Yet he was able to go out for an hour in the afternoon to get his haircut (the haircut was too late in the day for him to drop my sample in while he was already out). And he was able to take the time to take his daughter to school even though she's more than capable of walking herself. In theory he took my eldest son too though he apparently straggles too much and is never really supervised whilst waking to school.

AIBU to think he could have done this to help me out? Due to the sheer volume of investigations I'm currently having I am getting a bit anxious so this could be clouding my vision.

It does seem that he could have fitted it in. He sounds a little like my DH who would work through his to do list and answer based on factual evidence i.e. he is already committed to some time outside work so can't take on any more activities, rather than first thinking about the emotional impact.

Was the haircut pre booked ?

Yes the appointment was pre-booked. I have no problem with him getting his hair cut - he told his manager he had a doctor's appointment so he could duck out of work.

I think he could be a little more helpful but, couldn't you also tell work you have a doctor appointment and arrive late on one occasion?

If it would have only taken 10 min, and he could have avoided taking his daughter to school then YANBU. People disappear to the toilet or chat to their colleagues for 10 min!

If its only 10 mins he could of dropped it off for you especially as this has to do with your health. I work form home sometimes and 10 mins is my coffee break! Its almost like he doesn't care. I'd be quite upset.

I would t even have needed to ask my DH to do this. He would have offered. Something is far wrong in your relationship if you have to ask your partner to do something basic for you when unwell. The fact that he said no

Oh and I just remembered...he was going into the village (where the GP is) at lunchtime because he HAD to talk to someone about hiring a roof box...but couldn't possibly have gone to lunch a few minutes earlier to drop my sample in.

OH I'm sorry but he's taking the actual piss...

@jubileetrain me too!

@Notmytiep but he isn't...that's the problem

what am i missing? why couldn't you take it?

The bit where OP was working at 8am?

Sounds like he's one of those people who has decided he's doing XyZ today and then you throw in A and he's like... but I'm already so busy.

It's thoughtless and annoying but either he doesn't understand priorities changing or he just cba.

Do the surgery not have a drop box? Many do

Would be one grudge I would be holding onto op...

Going against the grain here, but what I am reading is that you both work full time and in addition on that day he had to

• do the school runs for your DC and his DC


• attend prebooked haircut in afternoon


• attend prebooked lunch meeting about hiring a roofbox

And you had what in addition to a full day of work? A ten minute detour to drop a sample off at the GP.

I don’t understand why you could not do it and why you seem to be expecting that he do all the life admin for that day on top of his job while you do, what?, none of the life admin?

Yes it might be rigid thinking rather than deliberately being unkind.
He also may not appreciate how worried you are about these tests.

Why couldn’t you drop it off after work?

Where is the gp? Where is your house? Where is your work? Depending on circumstances perhaps there is an argument you could have taken a part of your lunchtime to drop off at gp instead. Or just done it after work.

My DH wouldn’t have needed asking. Yours in really horrible. Hope you get answers soon and get better quickly.

Why couldn’t you drop it off after work?

Because that's over 8 hours the GP doesn't have it, and presumably OP wants it there quickly so it can be checked and any action taken?

I don't really get the 'why couldn't you do it' - she asked her partner to do it and he said no. That's the issue. Why did he not do it? Why would the one person in life who should be in your side purposely work against you?

It's an element of control.

To answer a few questions;

No drop box at the surgery, I checked

To get to work at 8 I have to leave at 7:15, drop my youngest at breakfast club then drive 1/2 an hour to work. I only get a 30 minute lunch break so dropping it in my lunch hour isn't possible. I don't get back to my village until 5 and the surgery needs any samples before lunch so they can send them to the hospital. Last pickup is around 1pm.

He doesn't need to take DSD and DS to school - they are more than capable of walking on their own (it's not even 1/2 a mile to the school). He just enjoys doing it.

The lunch meeting about the roof box wasn't pre-arranged and wasn't necessary - it could have been sorted with a phone call.

It just seems odd to me that he can tell his work a little white lie to attend the hairdressers but not to do this for me.

Why wouldn't he prioritise your health? There is clearly something wrong so why wouldn't he help out by just going out for a few minute detour from his roofbox meeting?

Is he always this selfish regarding doing things for you?

Well yeah he's out of order, OP. Way out of order.

But in the meantime, as pp mentioned, find out if your GP surgery has a drop box or letter box for things like this. Mine does. We only really noticed it in 2020 when we couldn't get into the surgery and had to drop a fairly important letter in.

I used to have a self important twat of a husband like this.
Used to.

Well unless you want to start WW3, I’d just tuck his selfishness up your sleeve and get on with restoring your health. I hope all goes well for you at this worrying time.

Then when you need an ace card when HE needs you to do something for him which doesn’t entirely fit with plans, pull that card.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and revenge is a dish best served cold. It’s not the best way of dealing with his lack of help but in your shoes it’s what I would do.
He needs a lesson.

X-posted with you, OP.

If your GP doesn't have a specific drop box, you'll have to make sure your future samples are in a tightly closed tube or pot, labelled, and in a padded envelope and use the post box. You can't not get tested fgs. You'll end up really unwell at this rate with fatigue and kidney problems.

Or maybe ask for an hour off work to sort it out pro tem.

Or your dearest partner can pull his bloody finger out. What an arse. What will he do when you're really ill? Ignore it?

Yes he's unreasonable.

Surely these are just the types of things spouses do for each other?