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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or are his priorities fucked up?

38 replies

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 09/06/2022 08:43

I've recently been found to be anaemic and am undergoing all sorts of tests. I had blood found in my urine recently and had been asked to drop another sample into my GP surgery. I work from 8-4 so leave the house before the surgery opens so dropping it off is tricky.

The day before yesterday I had visible blood in my urine. H was working from home yesterday so is asked him if he wouldn't mind dropping a sample in for me. He said he couldn't possibly do it because he was 'WORKING' at home. It would have taken 10 minutes or so to nip down to the surgery.

Yet he was able to go out for an hour in the afternoon to get his haircut (the haircut was too late in the day for him to drop my sample in while he was already out). And he was able to take the time to take his daughter to school even though she's more than capable of walking herself. In theory he took my eldest son too though he apparently straggles too much and is never really supervised whilst waking to school.

AIBU to think he could have done this to help me out? Due to the sheer volume of investigations I'm currently having I am getting a bit anxious so this could be clouding my vision.

OP posts:
jubileetrain · 09/06/2022 11:15

Giveitall · 09/06/2022 10:58

Well unless you want to start WW3, I’d just tuck his selfishness up your sleeve and get on with restoring your health. I hope all goes well for you at this worrying time.

Then when you need an ace card when HE needs you to do something for him which doesn’t entirely fit with plans, pull that card.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and revenge is a dish best served cold. It’s not the best way of dealing with his lack of help but in your shoes it’s what I would do.
He needs a lesson.

I would t waste my time playing games. I would be questioning my relationship and looking very closely at the way he treated me.

cushioncovers · 09/06/2022 11:20

Yes your dp was being thoughtless and uncaring imo.

Testina · 09/06/2022 11:41

Brefugee · 09/06/2022 10:15

what am i missing? why couldn't you take it?

You’re missing the bit where you read the OP.

billy1966 · 09/06/2022 12:48

Why are you in a relationship with such an awful person?

It is unbelievable that he feels so comfortable being so awful.

What do you do for him?

Stop it.

You need to get well and you need to figure out why you married someone so awful, who clearly could care less about you.

How long has he been in yours and your sons life?

He's not a keeper.

Brefugee · 09/06/2022 14:20

The bit where OP was working at 8am?

Look, I'm all for DHs pulling their weight. But i seriously don't get why OP couldn't go in a bit later? are we going to get the "oh i have to use 27 buses and there's only one a day" or something? Sure, DH should help. We get it.

But surely OP could prioritise her own health? (DH sounds like a tosser tho)

Discovereads · 09/06/2022 15:32

I see this a lot on threads. The idea that the partner who WFH isn’t really working and can drop everything and run all the household errands during their day. The OPs DH already had several things he needed to fit in around work that day. I don’t understand why the OP couldn’t have gone into work a bit late that day or dropped the sample off during her lunch break.

It’s the same old attitude really that the person working outside the home is too busy and too important to take care of their own shit. I have same opinion when the sexes are reversed, but on those other threads everyone’s agreeing with me that the WFH mum who’s juggling everything is the reasonable one. Not surprised it’s the opposite opinion now the sexes are reversed and it’s the WFH dad that is somehow being an unreasonable, selfish, uncaring, prick and tosser.

Original poster
MyGhastIsFlabbered · 09/06/2022 16:09

It isn't that when WFH I expect him to be able to drop everything. It's more that he can take time out from WFH to do the things he wants to do but can't take 10 minutes to help me out.

I will sort out my own sample, I'm not done helpless female relying on him.

OP posts:
anxiousmumagain · 09/06/2022 16:19

He sounds like a selfish arse. My DP would have done this for me in the situation you describe absolutely no questions asked. That's just what you do for each other in a loving relationship. Hope you feel better soon OP Flowers

Isaidnoalready · 09/06/2022 16:21

Discovereads · 09/06/2022 15:32

I see this a lot on threads. The idea that the partner who WFH isn’t really working and can drop everything and run all the household errands during their day. The OPs DH already had several things he needed to fit in around work that day. I don’t understand why the OP couldn’t have gone into work a bit late that day or dropped the sample off during her lunch break.

It’s the same old attitude really that the person working outside the home is too busy and too important to take care of their own shit. I have same opinion when the sexes are reversed, but on those other threads everyone’s agreeing with me that the WFH mum who’s juggling everything is the reasonable one. Not surprised it’s the opposite opinion now the sexes are reversed and it’s the WFH dad that is somehow being an unreasonable, selfish, uncaring, prick and tosser.

Because it was all pointless he didn't need to take the kids to school he didn't need to talk to someone in person about a roof box a haircut he lied to work about its all pretty useless (ok maybe the haircut but he lied to work about it) his wife's health concerns? Naaa thst isn't worth his valuable time

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 09/06/2022 16:27

I think it sounds really mean and I wouldn't hesitate to do this for someone I professed to care about!

Mally100 · 09/06/2022 16:30

jubileetrain · 09/06/2022 09:51

I would t even have needed to ask my DH to do this. He would have offered. Something is far wrong in your relationship if you have to ask your partner to do something basic for you when unwell. The fact that he said no Shock

Same, my dh would have even shifted his day around to have done this. To me this level of selfishness is something that I would dump someone over.

mumto2teenagers · 09/06/2022 16:43

If he thought he couldn't take another 10 mins out of his day when WFH, then he could have let the DC's walk to school or not gone to the meeting about the roof box. I would have expected my DH to do this for me in the circumstances.

Lizzieismagic · 09/06/2022 20:20

He is telling you where you are on his list of priorities isn't he?
I would really be listening to him.

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