Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it really my fault?

34 replies

PandaBrush · 08/06/2022 22:05

Bit of a long one sorry

My son is 16 months old and quite big for his age, not chubby just really tall he's off the charts for his tallness and is in 2-3 size clothes.

He's meeting all of his development milestones apart from walking, he's never been able to stand up not even as a young baby, we try but he'll lift his feet off the ground and flat out refuse. We do try and encourage him but with him being so tall he can reach practically everything on our sofa and shelves where he can pull himself up so he has no motivation to stand up.

I spoke to the health visitor about it who said he was probably a bit lazy but to see a doctor so that's what I did today and I feel really deflated from the appointment.

I had an Asian doctor so I'm not sure if there was a language barrier but I went into the appointment and explained why I was there and he was like okay put him down I need to see him walk so I explained that's why I was there again because he couldn't walk so he said let me see him stand so I explained that he couldn't so the doctor said "well your his mum why can't he walk" and I was like I don't know, I explained we encourage it as much as we can and showed him exactly what he does when we try and get him to stand.

The doctor examined him and then said he should have been walking at 12 months old and I advised he's always been a little bit behind with his milestones but always got there but he's struggling with the walking and again the doctor said I'm his mum and I should know why he's not walking.

He did eventually refer us to a specialist but I just didn't expect to be blamed because like everyone I love my son and I've always tried to encourage his physical and mental development, his speech and motor skills are a bit above what he should be for his age (all babies are different anyway) and I left the appointment in tears because I already felt like a bit of a failure that my baby isn't walking but I don't know, is it really my fault? Is there more I can be doing?

Sorry about the rant I'm just feeling under the weather and was wondering what other people did for their late walkers.

OP posts:
DefiniteTortoise · 08/06/2022 22:09

I don't think it matters that the doctor was Asian. I do think his line of conversation might have been designed to encourage you to give any possible additional information you could think of, as you are indeed his mum. But I would hope that the intention wasn't to make you feel like you're responsible for his not walking yet!

Go to the specialist and try not to worry. I'm sure it is only a matter of time until your son does start to take an interest in walking

FlissyPaps · 08/06/2022 22:12

Sorry you’re feeling this way OP. Sounds very tough and deflating💐

A lot of GP’s don’t have the answers to absolutely everything unfortunately. He probably has never come across this issue before. But please know, it is not your fault. Don’t let his comments get you down. You did the right thing by takin him to be seen and now wait for the referral appointment to come through.

You could book another GP appointment in the mean time for a second opinion, but specify with a different doctor if possible? If there are any that have more paediatric experience?

Original poster
PandaBrush · 08/06/2022 22:13

DefiniteTortoise · 08/06/2022 22:09

I don't think it matters that the doctor was Asian. I do think his line of conversation might have been designed to encourage you to give any possible additional information you could think of, as you are indeed his mum. But I would hope that the intention wasn't to make you feel like you're responsible for his not walking yet!

Go to the specialist and try not to worry. I'm sure it is only a matter of time until your son does start to take an interest in walking

Thank you, I only mentioned he was Asian and I thought that might make sense when I mentioned the language barrier I wasn't sure if I was clear enough with my information but like you say as well maybe I misunderstood his intention and thought he was blaming me but was actually trying to get more information.

I really hope so, I know babies can't read books so develop in their own time and hopefully one day this will just be a distant memory and he'll be running around.

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 08/06/2022 22:14

Please don’t feel like a failure!
I think the doctor has come across as rude but he was probably meaning for you to give more information as to if you think there might be something wrong or if he seems in pain.
He did get confused by the sound of it and expected your son to be up and about and now suddenly not walking.
Please don’t worry about the doctor and focus on the specialist now. It’s most likely a case of a lazy baby though. J didn’t walk until j was almost 2. I was just lazy 😂

SouperNoodle · 08/06/2022 22:15

It is in no way your fault. Some babies develop later than others and will start walking when they feel they're ready to and some need a bit of help from physio.
It sounds like you have done everything you can to encourage him walking and that GP had no right to make you feel like a failure.
He either has no people skills or had had a bad day and was taking it out on you.
Either way, he was totally in the wrong and I'm sorry you went through that.

AverageDuck · 08/06/2022 22:15

If it makes you feel any better my daughter didn’t walk until 3 weeks before her second birthday.

She could pull herself up (but her feet would roll outward) so we were under a specialist but they didn’t actually do anything for her. She wouldn’t cruise on the furniture but she did like to crawl. She was a tiny dot though and was small for her age.

when she did eventually walk she literally got up and walked and that was it! She didn’t crawl again.

FindingMeno · 08/06/2022 22:17

The Dr was rude. I would have told him that he's the one with medical qualifications, not me, so that's why I did what the hv suggested abd came to see him.

HarrietSchulenberg · 08/06/2022 22:18

If it's any consolation, DS1 didn't walk till he was 17.5 months. He could pull himself up but commando crawled everywhere so felt absolutely no compulsion to get mobile vertically when he got where he wanted to horizontally. I was literally about to take him to the HV when he suddenly got the urge to walk and started tottering about.

He's 21 now and walks everywhere.

ChangedMyNamrButStillMe · 08/06/2022 22:19

I think GP’s are very used to patients coming in and explaining their symptoms having already consulted Doctor Google and diagnosed themselves with whatever. I’ve had my doctor ask me similar things when I’ve taken my Ds in for a rash - he asked me what I thought it was first because he assumed I’d already decided he had an allergy/ plague/ whatever. It helps them narrow things down and when a child can’t speak it’s up to you to give them all the information you can.

please don’t feel bad, I’m sure it wasn’t meant as a reflection on your parenting skills. I know he’s big for his age so I guess it looks like he should be walking but 16 months really isn’t particularly late, especially if he’s pulling himself up so can get what he needs.

Hunderland · 08/06/2022 22:21

He's 21 now and walks everywhere

😂😂

Isaidnoalready · 08/06/2022 22:21

The only difference I found with Asian doctors was they were more "you don't NEED me to tell you this" I felt like my opinion mattered more they took what I said on board more than the English/Australian born doctors at the same surgery it was quite an unusual experience but you got your referral? That's all that counts

Oinkypig · 08/06/2022 22:21

I’m going to assume there is no obvious “medical” reason why he can’t stand or walk ie the GP couldn’t see anything physically and you weren’t reporting “he tries to stand but topples to the right and his right ankle seems to cause him pain” rather than them blaming you. So if you’d been saying I think it’s a particular problem with x he might refer to y or if it’s something else they would refer to z.

hopefully the referral you have will provide some reassurance (or more likely your DS will decide to take his first steps running through the door to see the consultant who will look at you to ask if they are correct you’ve been referred for delayed walking……)

PolkaDotMankini · 08/06/2022 22:22

Well he sounds like a muppet. Babies do things in their own time. DS walked on his first birthday. DD took a few months longer. It's good that he's going to see a specialist and there's no need to beat yourself up about it.

Mytoddlerisamazing · 08/06/2022 22:23

I'm going to be less polite than pps and say that the doctor was an arsehole 😡

Whatever the reason for it it's not your fault. It's good that the doctor eventually referred you to a specialist - hopefully they will be more helpful.

Isaidnoalready · 08/06/2022 22:24

I will say dd wasn't a walker (still isn't if she can get a lift she will 🤣) she was a talker so we fell into the habit of passing her everything she asked for she soon learned walking when we moved to a house with a large garden and she had to move to get to what she wanted

Lolly1987 · 08/06/2022 22:24

It's not your fault. Some doctors are abrupt in their manner and it probably wasn't the case that he was blaming you. One of my kids didn't walk till they were almost 24 months. Turned out she had global delay and she has caught up physically but still behind in other areas. But you have loads of time before you need to worry about anything like that. Don't stress.

Preciousprincess75 · 08/06/2022 22:27

Try not to worry, I had two late walkers - one at 17 months and one at just over 18 months. I took the second to the health visitor who said she wouldn't refer him until well past 18 months. They were both efficient crawlers. They literally just went from not walking to walking one day. Like a pp said, they're pre-teens now and walk everywhere!

Original poster
PandaBrush · 08/06/2022 22:30

Thank you everyone, you just worry though don't you like I know realistically (unless there's a medical reason why not) that he will walk in his own time and I doubt that when he goes for a job interview they'll ask him when he started walking Grin

Although I'm a bit worried now that he'll just get up and walk because I make jokes all the time like "if you get up and walk now mummy will give you a million pounds" and I don't wanna be held accountable haha!

Thank you everyone I do feel a lot better and hopefully the specialist may have some answers and it might just be that he's a bit lazy.

OP posts:
LadyIckenham · 08/06/2022 22:32

I thought that starting to walk any time until eighteen months was 'normal', albeit that's the upper end. Two of my four DC were late walkers, including my first at eighteen months. Worried me at the time but no one else seemed concerned and she crawled for ages, which is apparently good to develop both sides of the brain. The others walked just after a year old.

It's worth checking out but I don't think I'd be worrying so much as yet. They now range in age from fourteen to six and can all walk just fine. Although the early walkers are the most reluctant to leave the house and do so!

TableDesk · 08/06/2022 22:32

I had a fat baby budha who didn't walk til 18 months and never crawled before this, in fact he never moved his arse until one day he really really wanted something and I was busy, so it was just out of pure 'spite' he got it himself!

Idratherhaveacuppa · 08/06/2022 22:33

DD1 didn't walk until she was 19 months. Like a pp, she is 15 now and very good at walking. Manages it daily, she just happened to be too busy learning how to talk when she was little. (She is excellent at that. Does it far too much if you ask me)
If he is physically healthy, he'll walk.

KrisAkabusi · 08/06/2022 22:33

I don't think he was blaming you. He asked you questions, he didn't say it was your fault. I think you're overthinking this because you're worried.

Original poster
PandaBrush · 08/06/2022 22:36

KrisAkabusi · 08/06/2022 22:33

I don't think he was blaming you. He asked you questions, he didn't say it was your fault. I think you're overthinking this because you're worried.

I think that might be the case. He could have easily meant like you're his mum, you know him best can you explain why he isn't walking as in asking for more information about the issue but I may have misunderstood because of mum guilt really.

OP posts:
Oinkypig · 08/06/2022 22:37

I’d put bets on his first steps on the day of his appointment. A bit like the time (s) I took my very unwell toddler son to OOH worried about everything, then the bouncing child I tried to contain so the doctor could confirm the totally healthy child in front of her was in fact totally healthy.

I’ve loads of friends who are medics though and they all say they’d rather reassure 100 families than miss the child who needs help so either way you are doing the right thing getting him checked.

Halo1234 · 08/06/2022 22:38

I don't think his question was to blame you as others have said. Maybe he was looking for the information you gave in your post "he is tall so can reach things with out having to pull himself up so has no motivation to stand up" and not "I think his legs hurt him. When we stand him up he does a sore cry" which would obviously be very different.He was maybe just asking to see why you thought it was. It is 100% not your fault and no reasonable person would think it was (if it is the case he is unreasonable thats on him....dont u feel bad because of it. But i dont think it was from what you have said). I think it has been a mis communication. I hope all goes well with the specialist.