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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mil and the 25 texts to make a dental appointment, that still hasn’t been made yet.

33 replies

Footgoose · 08/06/2022 20:55

mil needs assistance to do most things. She is not disabled , she’s just not very independent. She has 3 nearby children who see her and do stuff for her everyday. I work full time in a dental practice. She wants me to make her appointments . I can’t do it easily as I’m always busy, reception is always busy. I have made appointments for her in the past but then she has asked me to cancel them ( for no reason ) . She can’t drive so not only do I need to know her diary , I need to know who’s taking her. To be honest, I don’t want to get dragged in to running around after her too. I did all that for my late Mum, Dad and Aunt without help from anyone. After asking me again and again to make her appointment and me saying I can’t , I cracked and asked reception to call her. They called her three times and she never answered her phone . She told me she either didn’t hear the phone or didn’t pick up as it was an unknown number.
she carried on asking so in the end I made her an appointment on a day I could take her. She wanted an earlier one so asked me to rebook it. All this is before the said mentioned 25 texts.

i texted sil, explained Mum wants a dental appointment , probably best if she makes it if she is taking her. Queue 25 texts between me , mil , sil , asking and answering so many questions, often twice. AND mil being rude about my colleague who has treated her in the past . I’ve ended the conversation with a shrugging emoji as I’m at the end of my tether with this …. And the fucking appointment hasn’t even been made yet. tonight after work I received a message to say mil and sil are popping to our house . They left before I got home but clearly DH also had a discussion about the appointment to be made.

im currently buying / selling a house so any tiny bits of time I get between my own patients is taken up answering those e mails so 25 texts in less than 3 days is absolutely doing my head in.

DH sympathises and did mention I can’t see my phone at work for much of the time but he and I are now not talking as it has stressed me out so much and I’ve ended up a nervous wreck sitting by myself seething and mind blown that I’ve seen 8 hours of my own patients, answered several e mails about the house purchase, made house related phone calls and answered all these unnecessary texts. So I’ve shouted at him tonight when he chipped in too.

Its not even treatment . It’s for a check up and hygienist visit.

i know this may sound like an over reaction but dentistry is really stressful at the moment post covid and this on its own is enough to leave me rocking in a corner so this has pushed me over the edge tonight.

OP posts:
Moosake · 08/06/2022 20:59

Your DH should have your back on this.

PinkButtercups · 08/06/2022 21:00

I refuse to make anyone appointments when I'm working. Dental also.

If you want an appointment phone reception.
Put your foot down.

User4748294496 · 08/06/2022 21:00

I’m not surprised! Why are MIL’s actual children not doing all this for her?

ComDummings · 08/06/2022 21:01

‘Practice manager says staff can’t make appointments for friends and family, sort it out with reception’ and ignore from now on.

FiveShelties · 08/06/2022 21:02

Let your DH deal with it.

shropshire11 · 08/06/2022 21:02

You’ve done your time looking after your family - you need to let your DH step up here, maybe at a different dental practice.

Footgoose · 08/06/2022 21:03

DH does loads for his mum. They all do. He does have my back but didn’t get how the texting has affected me . Something like this just wouldn’t bother him.

OP posts:
R1408 · 08/06/2022 21:03

Refuse to get involved in any appointments. Text her the number for Reception and ignore anything further.

gamerchick · 08/06/2022 21:03

I'd duck out. Tell her no and ignore the rest. Tell your bloke it's not your job to sort his mother out.

Eddielizzard · 08/06/2022 21:03

WTF! Not your problem.

Lizzieismagic · 08/06/2022 21:03

Group message announcing your resignation as mil's personal secretary..
Leave her to dh. He can kick the arses of his family and mil.

Gizacluethen · 08/06/2022 21:04

"Sorry I can't, they've changed the rules, staff can't make appointments for family members any more." Job done. Not your problem.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 08/06/2022 21:04

Back out of it. Tell SIL/DH that you aren't alive simply to PA for their mum.

Be blunt, rude even. But make this the end of it.

BadWolf2022 · 08/06/2022 21:05

OP I feel your pain. My MIL is similar she asked me to register at a dentist and make her appointments... she's in perfect sound mind and not disabled.
Me on the other hand - disabled, and rely on DH to help me a lot!

Tell your DH she's not your mother. You won't be dealing with anything to do with organising things for her. She's his mum - not yours.

CruCru · 08/06/2022 21:06

ComDummings · 08/06/2022 21:01

‘Practice manager says staff can’t make appointments for friends and family, sort it out with reception’ and ignore from now on.

I like this. Yes, it’s time for her children to sort this out for her.

Also say that your phone is on mute all day so you won’t see it while you are at work.

Footgoose · 08/06/2022 21:07

@shropshire11 . Not so secretly , that exactly how I feel. I really should not be involved other than when I want to be . My own Dads needs at the end were almost harrowing to carry out. I just don’t feel like stepping up while her children can cover it. I do what I can. Mainly cooking an extra meal or having her for dinner . DH cooks for her too .

OP posts:
FlissyPaps · 08/06/2022 21:07

Yeah you definitely need to put your foot down with this.

Say to her “I am unable to make or rearrange any appointments for you. Going forwards all appointments have to be made via reception on X number”. Put it in the group chat so your SIL is aware also.

What does she do when she wants a GP appointment?

What did she do before her DC were adults?

CruCru · 08/06/2022 21:08

Is she extremely elderly? It may be that she doesn’t realise how disruptive texting you all day long is.

Meraas · 08/06/2022 21:12

Why on earth have you engaged with it for so long?

Direct MIL to her son, not another woman I.e. your sister in law. That’s just passing the problem on.

oznia · 08/06/2022 21:13

Tell her your manager has told you it will be a disciplinary matter if you are seen using your phone when you are supposed to be working.

Isthisit22 · 08/06/2022 21:13

Just stop answering. Only answer hours later with the same message 'sorry I can't help with that' or something equally non committal. She will move on to someone else.
You are feeding the madness at the moment

Footgoose · 08/06/2022 21:14

Not extremely elderly . Her children do loads for her , I don’t need to ask any of them to step up but because of my job the requests for this one thing simply didn’t stop. I swerved and swerved for as long as I could before, like I said, I cracked and got involved. I knew it would go like this which is why I tried to avoid. Sil will sort it but as she doesn’t work f/t and by and large I’m easy going she wouldn’t see a small melt down coming over this .

OP posts:
Oinkypig · 08/06/2022 21:17

I haven’t worked in general dental practice for years and years so don’t have this pressure but after a couple of small incidents I refused to be the family dental advisor/liaison person.

You wouldn’t be expected to do it if you were a GMP so just wash your hands and unless it’s an absolute emergency just say you can’t be involved.

I do feel your pain, dentistry, no matter which area you work in is stressful just now!

declutteringmymind · 08/06/2022 21:23

I'd text something like 'I give up! it might be best if one of you rings or emails reception and books it directly. Look forward to seeing you soon!'

Footgoose · 08/06/2022 21:25

Thanks for replies . Glad you all see my point of view and I’m not being a dick about this . I do love my family but I came in to it very late on and having done the leg work on my now deceased family members I don’t feel I need to be another person sorting stuff out for mil, other than when I want to.

OP posts: