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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mil and the 25 texts to make a dental appointment, that still hasn’t been made yet.

33 replies

Footgoose · 08/06/2022 20:55

mil needs assistance to do most things. She is not disabled , she’s just not very independent. She has 3 nearby children who see her and do stuff for her everyday. I work full time in a dental practice. She wants me to make her appointments . I can’t do it easily as I’m always busy, reception is always busy. I have made appointments for her in the past but then she has asked me to cancel them ( for no reason ) . She can’t drive so not only do I need to know her diary , I need to know who’s taking her. To be honest, I don’t want to get dragged in to running around after her too. I did all that for my late Mum, Dad and Aunt without help from anyone. After asking me again and again to make her appointment and me saying I can’t , I cracked and asked reception to call her. They called her three times and she never answered her phone . She told me she either didn’t hear the phone or didn’t pick up as it was an unknown number.
she carried on asking so in the end I made her an appointment on a day I could take her. She wanted an earlier one so asked me to rebook it. All this is before the said mentioned 25 texts.

i texted sil, explained Mum wants a dental appointment , probably best if she makes it if she is taking her. Queue 25 texts between me , mil , sil , asking and answering so many questions, often twice. AND mil being rude about my colleague who has treated her in the past . I’ve ended the conversation with a shrugging emoji as I’m at the end of my tether with this …. And the fucking appointment hasn’t even been made yet. tonight after work I received a message to say mil and sil are popping to our house . They left before I got home but clearly DH also had a discussion about the appointment to be made.

im currently buying / selling a house so any tiny bits of time I get between my own patients is taken up answering those e mails so 25 texts in less than 3 days is absolutely doing my head in.

DH sympathises and did mention I can’t see my phone at work for much of the time but he and I are now not talking as it has stressed me out so much and I’ve ended up a nervous wreck sitting by myself seething and mind blown that I’ve seen 8 hours of my own patients, answered several e mails about the house purchase, made house related phone calls and answered all these unnecessary texts. So I’ve shouted at him tonight when he chipped in too.

Its not even treatment . It’s for a check up and hygienist visit.

i know this may sound like an over reaction but dentistry is really stressful at the moment post covid and this on its own is enough to leave me rocking in a corner so this has pushed me over the edge tonight.

OP posts:
orangeisthenewpuce · 08/06/2022 21:38

I cannot stand people like her who want everyone to run around after them. And I think people who facilitate this are stupid. Don't do it. Give her the number. Tell her you're too busy at work and it's easier for her if she rings up herself.

declutteringmymind · 08/06/2022 21:39

I'm a dentist. I have the same issues with family.

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/06/2022 21:58

orangeisthenewpuce · 08/06/2022 21:38

I cannot stand people like her who want everyone to run around after them. And I think people who facilitate this are stupid. Don't do it. Give her the number. Tell her you're too busy at work and it's easier for her if she rings up herself.

Yup, it's a personality type I dislike too. Basically, I see them as manipulative rather than "not very independent". They like to have everyone dance attendance on them, and I frankly cannot be arsed with that.

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 08/06/2022 22:10

They're a pain when they're like this. You've done your time looking after your own parents.

My advice would be to shrug and then grey rock everyone. If they get agitated and pester you, just shrug and more grey rocking. Don't get sucked into the vortex of manipulative elderly parent drama. They often do it for attention.

Beelezebub · 08/06/2022 22:36

I’d go further and say she’s been rude to a colleague and she needs to register elsewhere.

short term pain but then it’s definitely not your problem anymore.

Cherrysoup · 08/06/2022 22:42

Nah, I would hand this over to the sil or your dh. It's a bit crazy to send that many messages. Does your mil have learning issues? If not, can her family try to make her a little more independent?

Viviennemary · 08/06/2022 22:50

I agree with saying as staff you are unable to make and /or cancel appointments for family members

FictionalCharacter · 08/06/2022 23:54

Absolutely withdraw from this nonsense and stop being her PA before you get dragged in any further. Her son or daughter can deal with her appointments if she’s really that helpless.

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