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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not ask my friend how she is right away?

67 replies

curiousitygotthebetterofme · 08/06/2022 16:30

One of my friends tested positive for covid on a lateral flow on Monday and has posted about it a few times on her Facebook stories. She’ll know I’ve viewed each one but never asked her how she was.

I had covid back in December, I was ok, and I had mentioned it on one of my Facebook stories as I needed advice about it and she viewed the story but didn’t message me to ask how I was until about a week later.

I feel like I’m being petty, I probably am to an extent, but I have had issues with fake friends and I don’t want to be running after people. I do intend to ask her how she’s feeling but not just yet.

AIBU to do this?

YABU - just ask her how she is
YANBU - I guess if she did the same, just ask her in a few days

OP posts:
EinsteinaGogo · 08/06/2022 17:28

OP,

Friendships shouldn't be this much hard work.

If you like her and want a good relationship - be pleasant and caring.

If it becomes clear that the effort is very one sided, THEN reconsider. Until then, what do you have to lose by being a good mate?

7eleven · 08/06/2022 17:29

curiousitygotthebetterofme · 08/06/2022 16:34

I do care, but she is clearly not severely Sick with it so I don’t see why it can’t wait for a few days

Are you 12!

ShandaLear · 08/06/2022 17:31

You could have sent a message saying ‘how are you?’ in a third of the time it took you to write that post.

10HailMarys · 08/06/2022 17:37

What on earth makes you think she is even expecting you to ask her how she is? She probably isn't remotely bothered. I doubt she's keeping a tally of well-wishers. Most people, upon being mildly ill with a virus, do not actually keep tabs on which of their friends have or haven't asked them how they are, and when. Apparently you do, because you resented your friend not immediately asking you how you were, but I can assure you most people absolutely do not.

Honestly, this is a ridiculous thing to obsess over. Contact your friend or don't contact your friend, it makes no difference because you are the only one who thinks this is something significant.

LovePoppy · 08/06/2022 17:50

If you WANT to ask, then ask.
If you don't, then don't.

I don't get all the soul searching about when to ask.

Bednobsbroomsticks · 08/06/2022 17:55

I feel like that sometimes op when friendships are all one way. Usually act the bigger person then they ignore my post lol

HereIAmBrainTheSizeOfAPlanet · 08/06/2022 17:57

ShandaLear · 08/06/2022 17:31

You could have sent a message saying ‘how are you?’ in a third of the time it took you to write that post.

Exactly.

Stop making your life so dramatic and difficult, op.

12Thorns · 08/06/2022 18:00

Why would she care whether you ask her or not?

why do you care when she asked you?

I don’t get why any of this matters?

12Thorns · 08/06/2022 18:01

10HailMarys · 08/06/2022 17:37

What on earth makes you think she is even expecting you to ask her how she is? She probably isn't remotely bothered. I doubt she's keeping a tally of well-wishers. Most people, upon being mildly ill with a virus, do not actually keep tabs on which of their friends have or haven't asked them how they are, and when. Apparently you do, because you resented your friend not immediately asking you how you were, but I can assure you most people absolutely do not.

Honestly, this is a ridiculous thing to obsess over. Contact your friend or don't contact your friend, it makes no difference because you are the only one who thinks this is something significant.

Exactly this

minutesturntohours · 08/06/2022 18:03

curiousitygotthebetterofme · 08/06/2022 16:34

I do care, but she is clearly not severely Sick with it so I don’t see why it can’t wait for a few days

Eh...because that's exactly why you're annoyed with her?!

oopsfellover · 08/06/2022 18:04

Feels like you’re making a bigger thing of this than it needs to be. Perhaps just send a message saying you hope she feels better soon.

MichelleScarn · 08/06/2022 18:05

12Thorns · 08/06/2022 18:01

Exactly this

Show quote history

Absolutely, you don't actually care how she is do you?

notforonesecond · 08/06/2022 18:16

The fact that you paid enough attention to know how long it took her to ask how you were and then remembered it, harbouring some strange sort of upset about it is hilarious on its own.

The fact that her now having covid has presented you with the opportunity to “get your own back” and….not ask how she is? Is twice as hilarious.

None of this is normal. The world has gone mad.

smileyworld · 08/06/2022 18:32

So... you noted who viewed your stories, and who asked how you were as well as who hasn't?

Wow.

Needy, much?

Tiani4 · 08/06/2022 18:44

An the way yo go is to post on Fb
"Are you ok hun? Get well soon. Know how rough it felt when I had covid.."

All the trappings of looking caring but offering nothing

Aprilx · 08/06/2022 18:49

I don’t comment on much on Facebook and would probably not comment on a thread about having a mild bout of covid. But I would not be sitting there deliberately withholding or delaying my comment as part of a tit for tat.

cherrymax · 08/06/2022 18:50

Absolutely pathetic! Honestly this is teen crap.

Either they're your friend or they're not. When you start counting who views your social media and timing your responses to prove a point you're not a friend.

mast0650 · 08/06/2022 18:51

you are being ridiculous.

BringBackCoffeeCreams · 08/06/2022 18:53

You only ask how she's doing if you care and it doesn't sound like you do. Which also makes me think you're not really friends either.

Hillrunning · 08/06/2022 19:04

This is so odd. You certainly aren't being the 'bigger person'. How on earth do people even remember how long it took a friend to contact them back in December? This is one of the most petty things I have come across.

Herecomestreble1 · 08/06/2022 19:06

If you care this little why is it taking up so much of your thoughts? If you want to know, ask her, otherwise don't.

Beautifulmonster87 · 08/06/2022 19:12

It’s a bit tit for tat and I’m like this .. I tend to hold a grudge!! Depends if you actually care or you’re asking cause you think you should?

Butchyrestingface · 08/06/2022 19:13

Why do people check who's viewed their FB stories? 😐

Swayingpalmtrees · 08/06/2022 19:36

Really petty how do you have any friends if you treat them like that? Tit for tat.

Chances are she didn't realise how awful it can be for some people. Now she knows. If you catch covid again you might see a different response next time.

You are only asking her how she is ffs, not offering to deliver shopping, meds and flowers!

Swayingpalmtrees · 08/06/2022 19:39

I also had covid and have no idea who messaged and who didn't, who delivered gifts - who didn't! Like a running tally. I was actually too ill to care, I would always care enough about a friend that was ill and send get well messages and offer to help regardless. She is supposed to be a F.R.I.E.N.D op and you are supposed to actually care about her well being and health, not point score.