To not invite one child?

[BlackandBlueBird]

DD (8) is in a group of 5 friends and she wants to have them all for sleepover this summer. One of the girls is quite unkind to my 6yo DS so I’m not that keen to invite her, but understandably DD thinks that would be really unfair on the girl.
Given it will be the summer holidays I’m thinking there won’t be the chat about it at school so the girl probably wouldn’t even realise…

Do not take your son out of his own home so that his bully can be there. What a terrible bit of advice.

This. To be honest I wouldn’t invite her at all. She doesn’t sound like the kind of child I’d want my daughter (if I had one) to be friends with.

A 2 hr round trip to pick up child in disgrace sounds like a great way to get her parents to realise her behaviour isn't funny.

Unless they claimed to have gone out somewhere even further / had drunk a bottle of wine each / had succumbed to some mysterious illness that precluded driving, etc, and simply refused to come?
They don't sound any nicer than their daughter, tbh.

You could have a sleep over for a smaller group and perhaps a girl's afternoon tea party when your dh is there to look after both ds.

I wouldn't invite her overnight.

I'd invite all 5, but explain to your DD that if any of them are unkind, you will be ringing their parents to come pick them up, and follow through!!! Explaining to the parents, in front of the girl, exactly why she's no longer welcome in your home. Your DD shouldn't have to not have the chance to have all her friends there, but equally (and more importantly, all of your children need to see that they are the priority, and you will defend them to the ends of the earth (providing they're in the right of cause!)

Don't invite the girl and if she finds out about the sleepover, your daughter should be upfront and say ' I wanted you to come but my mum won't let you because she doesn't like the way you treat my brother '.

Sometimes, speaking the truth saves a lot of angst. The girl will know her actions have consequences. I also think it shows your son loyalty and support from his parents which he has every right to expect.

Well I discussed it further with DD after school and gave her the choice of a) split sleepovers or b) everyone comes but any unkindness to DS and the perpetrator goes straight home. As suspected she was worried about the latter option but happy with the former.

This girls’ parents - I don’t know them well at all but they seem perfectly nice adult to adult.

Shame to have involved her and filled her mind with all this. She’s 8 and it’s her party.

You should have an informed decision without consulting her.

famagusta It’s not her party, it’s just a sleepover. I completely disagree with you to be honest. She’s 8, we talk about all sorts of issues that come up at home, at school, at hobbies - I love the fact that she raises her concerns about things with me and that I can do the same with her and we can have a reasoned discussion.

Yes, I agree.

She shouldn't be "worried" about the latter option anyway, it should be so non negotiable in your house that it wouldn't occur to her to assume it would work any other way.

But it didn't occur to her that the child would be sent home for bad behaviour?
Maybe you should be clearer about what you expect for both your children.

Worried because it would put a negative spin on the whole event. As a pp pointed out I would have to be watching them which I’m sure none of them would like. She would never misbehave at a friend’s house and none of her other friends would ever misbehave here so this just wouldn’t arise ordinarily.

She’s perfectly happy with the split sleepovers and this way she feels that her opinion about the whole event is valued (that one person isn’t getting left out in the same way which was her concern) and also understands that I basically don’t want a child here who has been repeatedly unkind to her brother. She would rather not have the girl here at all than have her here and risk her getting sent home, she’s fine with that, I’m obviously fine with that too.

No way would I be involving my 8 year old in this.

I make the decision and I progress.

The chats I would be having with my 8 year old about the sleepover would centre on what film to watch and snacks for serve!

Er…ok. That’s fine. I feel differently. She’s happy and obviously will be choosing the food and activities.