Spent receptacle

[WishAway]

This is how my DH referred to me when speaking to our teen ds earlier. In regards to me having birthed his children. AIBU to be highly offended?

The initial insult was bad enough but to compound it, with frankly SHIT parenting is unforgivable. I'd never forgive him for teaching your son that being so disrespectful is funny. He's pathetic as a husband and a father.

I'm so taken aback by it. He's NEVER ever been derogatory about my body. It came out of nowhere and now he thinks I'm being ridiculous for being upset.

He's not only being derogatory about your body, he's being derogatory about your role in the relationship and in life generally, and about the place of all women in the world.

You are unreasonable to have had 4 children with a man who thinks like this!

I'd point blank refuse to do anything for either of them ever again. I would leave wanker of a husband and give my teen his arse on a plate and an absolute earful .

@Stravaig what an unreasonable and unkind comment, he never did this before 4 children, was I meant to be able to see into the future ?!?

What an utterly disgusting thing to say. How awful that your son has absorbed this misogyny too. It’s not a joke.

yabu to post on AIBU all wide eyed ‘should I be offended by this? 🥺’. What replies did you expect? Someone to say ‘no yabu that’s an ok thing to say’?

It is a really horrible comment. If he's never said anything like that before there might be a glimmer of hope in the fact he's now insisting you're overreacting. He may be panicking that he's overstepped the mark trying to be "funny" with his son and wants to stop it escalating. Pull him up on it. Firmly. Make him see the misogyny and how much it has shocked and hurt you and don't back down until you get a proper apology. It might take a few days. If he actually doesn't get it then you do have a bigger problem

Isn't a 'spent receptacle' a polite was of saying 'used condom'?.

Yeah, i'd being causing a scene if that was my DP!

Ugh. That's horrible.

He has no respect for you. I couldn't be with a man who thought that about me, and thought it was appropriate to say it to our child.
He's a disgusting misogynist and a bad role model.

OP he has said a horrible thing about you and has done an even more horrible thing by saying it in front of your son and encouraging your son to joke about it. Then he has compounded his disgusting behaviour by blaming you for your (entirely reasonable) reaction. I do not, at all, say this lightly but if it was me I'd be moving to a hotel/to my parents'/in with a friend for at least a week and after that would only come back if a sincere apology was made by your husband (and preferably also your son). Then I'd be having a very serious discussion with them both separately about why that comment was such a bullshit thing to say (because the sole purpose of a woman's body is not to bear children and we get to, you know, be people in our own right), and why their reactions to it were also utter bullshit.

And also, the fact that he's 'great in other ways' is irrelevant. This behaviour, on its own, is enough for me to think you should leave unless a sincere apology is forthcoming.

Eww (about to vomit face I hope )

Your poor son having to hear that.

Time to throw away the envelope (your husband) the seeds were planted - tell your husband that.

It’s hard to judge without knowing the full tone, how the relationship is generally etc but my gut reaction is that it was a joke based on the principle that it’s so obviously offensive and reductive that you could not possibly think he truly meant it. And the standard response would be along the lines of “and you’re nothing more than a pair of worn out bollocks”.

That humour only works between people who are very secure in the relationship and understand how much they are loved and respected.

Is the 13yo your eldest child/eldest son? Is your DH finding he can be laddish with his son now he's a teenager? That could get annoying in the future.

Anyway, your DH is an adult & a father. He shouldn't be making remarks like that. Insist on your side of things, or give him (& DS) the line about his being a spent, wrinkly old ballsack. I'd hope he'd apologise though.

What on earth is wrong with MN today? I can't get this page to scroll so I can post this, & everything's taking forever to respond. I've just had to save the text & go back & forth with pages so I can access the Post button.

@HaveringWavering

"It’s hard to judge without knowing the full tone, how the relationship is generally etc but my gut reaction is that it was a joke based on the principle that it’s so obviously offensive and reductive that you could not possibly think he truly meant it."

Maybe. But if this was so then once he realised she was upset his response would be mortification and apology. Instead he's mocked her upset, then doubled down and encouraged his son to snigger at her too. That suggests to me that he feels entitled to have his 'joke' even if it upsets the OP. Which is not ok.

Seriously OP, leave temporarily and don't come back unless there's a bloody sincere apology and some recompense from your husband. And give your son a good talking too until he is sorry too.

I'd be absolutely livid at the disrespect and even more so at the laddish chortling about you being cross. He may think it is "just a joke" but it isn't and he needs to wrap his head around that not try and dismiss your feelings because they don't match his.

Call him an old man with worn out low quality sperm. When he gets mad remind him it's a 'joke'.

Or print out some literature on how it's misogynistic language that disrespects his wife, his mother and all women. Give it to him and remind him he's teaching his own son to be a disrespectful sexist. Then refuse to touch him.

It's also objectifying you and reducing your value down to a hole.

I'd be utterly contemptuous of him.

That would be an excellent retort.

Unutterably vile.

Why would it be unbelievable to get those replies? Her dh and ds think it's acceptable.

So she has every right to post here.

That is so so awful. I would absolutely leave him for that. And I don't say that lightly. Hopefully you will and your son will learn the consequences of such misogyny.

I'd also remind him that you risked your life to have his children. It should have only increased your value in his eyes. Outrageous.