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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil wants ds to be a competitive runner

60 replies

WishingOnAStar21 · 07/06/2022 23:46

My in laws are very into their sports, particularly running. They love the competition of sport. Fair enough. However, when we were at their house the other day, my mil said that she wanted to take my son (who's 3) to a junior park run. I laughingly said, no doubt he'd run round the opposite way to everyone else. And this is what he would likely do. He's usually on his own agenda with his play and his concentration is very limited - he is only 3.
So my mil very seriously said, 'no he wouldn't do that. He'd love it and he'd love it being competitive.'
As soon as she said that, I thought no, I wouldn't encourage my son whilst he's still so young to be competitive in sport. I personally feel that's something that for maybe 6/7 years old and up. Not under.

I feel like my mil is putting her own interest and motivation onto ds. She did it with her two children too. She loved horse riding so they had to do it too and go in for riding competitions. I know my in laws love their running and are really into personal bests and putting their successes on social media, etc but I just want my ds to have a certain amount of choice in what he does. I'm not competitive at all and DH isn't really either so maybe it's not something I understand but I don't particularly like the nature of ultra competitive people either.

Thoughts please?

OP posts:
GuppytheCat · 07/06/2022 23:52

I think he needs to be at least 4 for junior park run anyway.
He might love or hate competitive sports - who knows, at this age?

Stroopwaffels · 07/06/2022 23:53

Parkrun is a run, not a race. Very small children do take part in the children's runs, and enjoy it very much. For the wee ones it is definitely not about personal bests.

Namenic · 07/06/2022 23:58

I was competitive as a kid but not really now. Competitive sports is good for discipline, but a lot of training eats up your time/energy as a kid, which can be annoying.

sunflowerdaisyrose · 08/06/2022 00:01

Like @Stroopwaffels said, parkrun is a run not a race but sounds like your in laws would not take this approach! I'm a run director of junior parkrun and my children have been doing it since they were 3 (no time until they were 4) and absolutely love it but it's supposed to be fun not hugely competitive!

Ponoka7 · 08/06/2022 00:01

Why would you deny him the opportunity to see if he likes it?

kimblerk · 08/06/2022 00:02

Junior park runs are just fun for young kids. He might love it so yabu by bit not letting him try

AtrociousCircumstance · 08/06/2022 00:06

The point is, the MIL is imposing a compulsive attitude onto the OP and her son. This isn’t about whether park run is fun or not 🙄

So make a nice clear boundary now OP, and stick to it.

EveryName · 08/06/2022 00:06

I think it's very normal for parents to try and get their kids to enjoy activities that they enjoy. My husband took our kids to sporting events when they were really young and I got them interested in my hobbies too.

Obviously once a kid is older and doesn't enjoy it then you shouldn't force them too but there is nothing wrong with giving it a try.

Rainbowshit · 08/06/2022 00:14

It's parkrun. Great thing to get kids involved in and not ultra competitive at all.

Shedcity · 08/06/2022 00:18

Mil wants ds to be a competitive runner

and I want a billion pounds?
who gives a shit. She can want what she wants if it’s not what you want.

as an aside 6/7 instead of 3 makes no sense to me. And you not wanting DC to do sports and be active in a structured way makes no sense to me. Also surely everyone preferences things they’re interested in themselves when presenting activities to kids. But it literally doesn’t matter, because I’m not his mum. You are.

GuppytheCat · 08/06/2022 09:27

sunflowerdaisyrose · 08/06/2022 00:01

Like @Stroopwaffels said, parkrun is a run not a race but sounds like your in laws would not take this approach! I'm a run director of junior parkrun and my children have been doing it since they were 3 (no time until they were 4) and absolutely love it but it's supposed to be fun not hugely competitive!

Ah, that's probably where I'd got the idea of '4 and up' from.
He might love the whole thing, OP, as long as RunnerGranny isn't too intense about it.

AtrociousCircumstance · 08/06/2022 09:33

That’s the point - MIL is intense, and will be intense. There is a controlling quality to how MIL is approaching this.

12Thorns · 08/06/2022 09:37

Park run isn’t competitive! You only compete against yourself

and running is a bit different to all other sports, in that it is simply fulfilling what our bodies are designed to do

humans can run further than any other animal. Every affect of our structure and physiology is designed to run

all children should be encouraged to give it a try. At least

GuppytheCat · 08/06/2022 09:43

If the worry is that Granny would be too competitive, but you think he might like it, you might consider taking him to one yourself -- essentially for a scamper through the countryside/park, followed by cake.

He'll knacker himself nicely and you will feel all virtuous and fresh-air-full (or damp and windblown, depending on the weather).

fireandpaint · 08/06/2022 09:44

My dd does junior park run and she's 4, it's actually feels very supportive rather than competitive despite the rankings. Maybe it could be a fun thing he does with his grandparents? I think competitive sports can be good for children as long as they don't feel too pressured and valued for other things too.

Odessafile · 08/06/2022 09:45

Tbf our local one is competitive. Times are published in the local paper and local running clubs dominate both the adult and junior one.

Sirzy · 08/06/2022 09:46

Nothing vaguely competitive about JPR, it’s great fun and can foster a love of being active. As others have said though you can officially finish one with a time and through the funnel until 4.

don’t let your MiL put you off letting him try things and deciding for himself.

Mariposista · 08/06/2022 09:54

Junior park run is a fantastic way for families to enjoy sport and being outdoors together in a non-competitive environment. 3 is quite young - most kids start at around 6, and if he is going to enjoy it, it has to be kept fun, not focussing on being the fastest. I am a professional athlete myself (swimmer) but I am crystal clear that until kids are teenagers, sport and training is fun.

Hollywolly1 · 08/06/2022 09:59

Its not that the op doesn't want her child to have fun it's more her mil imposing her wishes on her grandchild.Where will it stop if the op doesn't handle this now

Topseyt123 · 08/06/2022 10:00

Your MIL sounds as though she would take this all way too seriously. She couldn't understand when some of her children weren't competitive. She may be one of those people who is blind to the fact that not everyone is into sports or competition.

Your DD may like park run, or he might not. The question is, would MIL be sympathetic and understanding if he didn't, or if he doesn't like it at the moment? Or would she harry him to get on with it and do personal bests whatever, even at his age? There are such people.

Park run is just fin, and being active in the park. Not competition. If you think DS might like it then take him yourself. Don't let MIL take him if you think she might bully him and fail to understand him.

Topseyt123 · 08/06/2022 10:02

Meant DS, not DD. Sorry. The point is the same though.

WimpoleHat · 08/06/2022 10:02

I don’t know. I think it’s human nature to want to introduce your kids to things you really like, so presumably it’s the same with your grandchildren. So I don’t see any harm in her taking him to see if he likes it….as long as she’s prepared to accept it if he doesn’t.

OldManRivers · 08/06/2022 10:05

I don't think there's anything wrong with taking him to park run per se but I agree that I think your MIL is probably wanting to push him down the competitive sport route. I have a bit of a problem with grandparents trying to do this kind of thing with grandchildren, I think it should be more down to the parents to decide what hobbies very young children do. If in the future your DS decides he wants to take that up as a hobby that's fine but I agree I'd be putting it off for now.

TibetanTerrah · 08/06/2022 10:06

Competitivenessnot a word done right can be a good thing too, it's a great motivator, even if you're only competing against yourself.

missymarrk · 08/06/2022 10:06

I don't think I would see it as a massive issue. Sport is a great thing to be involved with. Life is competitive. Having the drive to do well in sport is a really good trait. As long as stays positive and he enjoys it. The minute they stop enjoying it is when to pull the reins in. Let him try! X

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