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Original poster

Pang of sadness about going to the supermarket alone

64 replies

Bakewelltartwithoutacherry · 07/06/2022 21:49

My Dd is 4 and due to start school in September. I’ve been at home with her since birth and although it’s been one of the hardest times of my life at points, it’s also been the happiest.
I had Dd late due to infertility. Before that I worked full time, some weekends, busy social life with friends and travel.
Life has changed so much since then, I’ve enjoyed being at home and having playmates with mum friends etc.
When Dd goes to school, I’ll work from home a couple of hours per night.
As ridiculous as it sounds, I felt upset earlier about doing the supermarket shop alone, without Dd sat in the trolley and our little lunches out and playground meets afterwards.

I probably sound really pathetic, but come September, what then 🤷🏻‍♀️
Finding it hard to face this new phase of my life, feels so empty

Anyone else had this?

OP posts:
goldfinchonthelawn · 07/06/2022 22:31

YANBU. It is natural and healthy to grieve the passing of key phases in our lives and one of them is when our DC first go to school. It's lovely that you'll miss her. But if you especially loved doing the supermarket run with her, save it for weekends and do it then. Though she may not fit in the trolley much longer.

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 07/06/2022 22:32

I think most parents feel the same way. They are little and at home for such a short time. Once you are past the toddler years parenting seems to be a constant process of letting them go.

HollowTalk · 07/06/2022 22:33

PinkiOcelot · 07/06/2022 21:59

I felt like that when dd2 was starting school. We used to hang out together, do ladies who lunch etc. You do get used to it though. Enjoy your time between now and September x

Ever since my daughter was old enough to read Marian Keyes, we have days where we do ladies nice things. We go shopping and treat ourselves, obviously I pay! and buy perfume and make up and clothes.

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 07/06/2022 22:34

Bloodyhelldog · 07/06/2022 22:22

Oh, OP. You sound like a lovely mum, completely understandable to be sad and feel like you're going to miss your little buddy ❤️

In the height of post-partum madness, I burst into tears in the bath thinking about my baby having to start school. She was two weeks old 😂🤦‍♀️

Lol at this. I once cried on a train because my 11 yo would grow up and leave home. They are in their thirties now and I still miss them!

Quornflakegirl · 07/06/2022 22:34

I felt the same, I really miss our lives before my twins started school, we had a lot of fun together. Spending every day with them for almost 5 years then it abruptly ending was hard. I now love our summer holidays together!

dudsville · 07/06/2022 22:34

You sound like a really loving mum OP. Sometimes sadness at a change is just a sign of love, nothing wrong, you're not trying to hold her back, just recognising a change, the sadness will pass, but i just like your post, the image your conjured was very nice.

PinkSyCo · 07/06/2022 22:36

Aww yes I remember feeling like this when my youngest started school. You will get used to it though, especially if/when you manage to find something else to fill your days, whether that something be a full time job, hobbies or (my personal favourite) getting a puppy. 😊

Mariposista · 07/06/2022 22:37

SleepingStandingUp · 07/06/2022 22:29

What job are you working at night? Can you do it in the dya instead so vyou have some structure?

Agree with this. Does the job have to be done at night? Could you not switch to a day shift so you can be fully focussed while she is at school and then enjoy your evenings together?

WouldBeGood · 07/06/2022 22:38

I allowed myself a week of wallowing when DS started school, then cracked on 😃

I still have pangs about missing DCs in the shop, every so often though, and they’re fairly grown up

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 07/06/2022 22:39

Totally feel your sadness OP.

My DD is in reception, and I spent the whole first term struggling to adjust being without her - despite the fact that I had always thought I would enjoy the ‘freedom’ once I had it again.

I miss(ed) having a small person around, having her hand in mine as we walked (she skipped) down the high street, the tiny little things she would notice, the nonsense conversations (often to herself) and that mid-afternoon cuddle time on the sofa in front of the tv. Makes me sad now writing this stuff.

No one told me I would feel this way, but it is a real loss to your motherhood when they go to school. It’s ok to feel sad - just as long as you put on your happy face for her to allow her to start making her own life at school. And, crucially, start building your own life again separately from her too. Enjoy your summer OP and good luck.

Dogroses · 07/06/2022 22:39

Ah I hear you. One of my favorite memories of my first son is from after he started daycare after I had been home with him all day every day for eighteen months. I would finish work right after his naptime and take him to the supermarket to get a bowl of soup. It was so lovely, I'll always remember that ritual. The next phase will have wonderful things in it for you as well!

bofski14 · 07/06/2022 22:48

There is always home education. I have one daughter and thought our days out and city lunches and park trips were over when she started school and I was right. There just wasn't time. We spent all our time rushing from school to clubs and back again and that's without homework on top of it. Then came the pandemic and I realised life was too short to miss all this precious time so now we home educate and it is fabulous. We take things at our own pace, have lots of educational trips, meet up with others that are doing the same for playdates. It's fantastic! I know some people haven't the option, but it's worth thinking about if you are only going to work a few hours at night anyway. There's only one childhood, don't miss it because you feel like you're obliged to enrol them in school at such a little age. Make the most of it now.

MsMcGonagall · 07/06/2022 22:49

There are many lovely and rewarding times ahead. I've just been through a collection of primary school souvenirs (my kids are now teenagers) and felt my heart warmed by some French work that said ma maman est fantastique. I'm so proud that DD thought that. This stuff is in your future, yet to come!

And sometimes I take one or other of the kids to the supermarket even now, and they're great company, just in a different way.

PreciousL · 07/06/2022 22:55

Hi @Bakewelltartwithoutacherry OP, I have just been in tears about DS starting school in September as we had a teacher meet this evening and it now feels very real. It feels like a complete new phase of life and I've enjoyed it so much so far that I am completely distraught it's over.

Thank you for starting the thread I will read everyone's words of wisdom.

OystercatchersPaddling · 07/06/2022 22:56

I remember walking around the supermarket and pointing something out to her, only to remember that she was in school. I felt so embarrassed for talking out loud to no one, and sad too. She has loved school, and we still do lots together.
Best wishes OP!

ShirleyJackson · 07/06/2022 23:02

I still miss my little trips out to the supermarket with my DSes, and they’re 22 and nearly 24. I used to love chattering away with them, getting them to weigh things, spinning them around in the trolley when the aisle was empty…

I’m seriously struggling with empty nest syndrome, though, so I guess I’m no help Sad

spanishmumireland · 07/06/2022 23:05

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 07/06/2022 22:32

I think most parents feel the same way. They are little and at home for such a short time. Once you are past the toddler years parenting seems to be a constant process of letting them go.

Unfortunately not all parents feel that way.
I couldn't enjoy that phase and still cannot figure out why, and reading all this posts make me feel sad and I wish it was different. To me the toddler years were extremely lonely. It sounds bad but I was really looking forward for each of my kids to start school and have some sort of structure again, where I wouldn't feel so lost. So I returned to work, they started school and I loved it.
My eldest is now a teen and strangely enough I am really enjoying this phase. I also loved all the primary school years (my other two DC are still in primary). I love the school homework, having conversations with them, bring them for walks and to to new places. Basically the "new phase" is so much more enjoyable for me. It is now when I feel I wish time would stop.
When I read this posts I so wish I was like you OP when they were little. Sounds like you really lovely memories.

spanishmumireland · 07/06/2022 23:07

*I wish time wouldn't stop

BlackeyedSusan · 07/06/2022 23:08

yes, I remember that. make the most of the time you do have and try to enjoy each stage as it comes.

Stopsnowing · 07/06/2022 23:09

Going to the supermarket alone is a spa vacation for me

WinterCarlisle · 07/06/2022 23:12

When my youngest started school I was ASTONISHED at my reaction: I cried EVERY DAY for a week and I’m normally pretty tough and resilient. It was weird! He was delighted to go to school with his big sister and was a super confident child so I had no worries. I just missed him! Even though he was / is bloody hard work.

You sound like a lovely mum OP! And very normal. I bet you’ll love all the play dates, assemblies, nativities, school fairs etc that primary school brings.

You’re absolutely right though. It does go so fast!

TwentyOneTwentyTwo · 07/06/2022 23:15

My son recently started at the school nursery, some days he comes with me round the shop on the way home. I miss him a lot but I think it's doing us both good to have time apart and have new experiences. The thing I don't like is not being able to be there for him in the moment when something negative happens to him. Instead we have to discuss it later and it makes me sad that I couldn't be there supporting him. But I guess it's good to get in the habit because I won't always be right next to him to help him.

Wordsofthewise · 07/06/2022 23:16

I’m in the position to you,so I totally get it 😔 I keep pushing September from my mind as I feel sad just thinking about the change and haven’t shared these feelings with anyone at the risk of sounding mad! I sometimes picture the house empty on a Monday morning and think oh god, the silence… is that what’s awaiting me?! The house always feels so warm and vibrant with my little one around and we do everything together so I completely understand.

I suppose what I try to counter it with is that they are going to be creating new memories and having experiences that they will be keen to tell mummy all about! So you can still arrange your little lunches and shopping trip and I reckon your little girl will have a bunch of stories to share about her exciting day.

I have something in place for September for myself, something I’ve always wanted to do and I’m taking a leap of faith to make it happen. I am hoping that will preoccupy my mind a little. I know you said you’ll be working a few hours, so maybe that’ll help or perhaps think about doing something for yourself - as you probably haven’t done that lately.

I really empathise, you’re not alone in feeling this way! With new ages, come new stages and we can only hope they are better than the last one. I try to tell myself that at least! And it doesn’t matter what comes along, whether it be her first day at school or first heartbreak, your little girl will always find her way back to you, she’ll always need your cuddles and chat, she’ll always come back to mummy ♥️

WinterCarlisle · 07/06/2022 23:20

@spanishmumireland you absolutely shouldn’t feel sad! I read somewhere years ago that most parents have their “strengths” at different points of their children’s ages. I really loved the baby stage whereas my best friend adores toddlers. My eldest is 12 and I’m finding this age REALLY REALLY TOUGH.

As I said in my previous post: I cried so much when my youngest started school but I think mainly because it was the end of an era. I missed him loads but it was great to have some child free time too! 😁😁

EmJay19 · 07/06/2022 23:22

Your dd obviously behaves very differently in the supermarket compared to my ds 🤣🙈

I will NEVER miss going to the supermarket with him! 🤪