If you have been diagnosed with ADHD can I ask you a question?

[sparklins]

For women - as I am one myself.
What would you consider your ''symptoms''?
If you were diagnosed as an adult - what made you seek a diagnosis in the first place?
How does one go about getting a diagnosis?
Does treatment work?

Apologies if this is a sensitive subject or if I used any wrong terminology.
It's something I have been suspecting in myself in a while and I don't really know what to do or where to take this, if my suspicions are reasonable or if I am just jumping off the deep end and I would really appreciate getting some perspective from people that know more on this topic as I do not yet feel confident enough to speak to anyone IRL.

And the difference between ND and personality is that you can see ND on brain scans.

People with ADHD have four different parts of their brain that work differently to NT people and these can be seen on an MRI scan.

There are also measurable differences in dopamine levels which is a neurotransmitter.

However the ADHD thing is a bit misleading because it would better be called something like Massively Variable Dopamine Conditionn or something.

It impacts more than just attention and activity as dopamine is involved in a tonne of different things and it's not a deficit, it's varies wildly up and down.

Some of us have more / longer periods of lower dopamine - procrastination, inability to focus, depression like symptoms, fatigue, etc

Some of us have more / longer periods of high dopamine - impulsivity, hyperactivity, insomnia, racing thoughts, hyper focus.

That's one reason why our symptoms vary a bit from person to person.

In her defence, I don't think she was invalidating any of us or people who genuinely have it, but rather commenting on the people who go "oh I forget things too, maybe I have ADHD" or " oh, but everybody does X, don't they?" - she's saying that its the level of impact these behaviours have that makes them indicative of adhd and that she's fed up with it being appropriated by people who don't have it, but merely experience a bit of a couple of the symptoms.

I may be being generous, but that's how I read it. I think it's fairly obvious that the contributors to this post find the condition debilitating

This is a fascinating thread. I identify with so much of this, especially since I had a child - I really struggle with the lost time of looking after him.

But isn't this just normal? Everyone has racing thoughts and struggles to focus on work, surely? Everyone goes down a rabbit hole online and realised it's two hours later and they should be in bed? I used to be really good at my job and could focus easily and get everything done (it's very process-driven), but it's got busier and busier since I had my child and I'm completely overwhelmed. I assumed I'm just a bit crap now, I can't do extra work at the weekend to catch up, that's my fault for having a child and it happens to everyone. Right?

Covid definitely wrecked the routines, transitions, and subconscious strategies I had in place to get by for years. It also removed several distractions that I'd always pointed to. There was no more school run, daycare run, activities, events, exercise class, appointments, anything. Even a grocery run wasn't on the list some weeks. My husband was out of work during Covid and took on the role of full-time parent.

In theory, I should have had almost zero obstacles with efficiently completing deadline-oriented work. Work I'd been doing for several years, albeit with regular all-nighters. There was almost nothing in my way, but my focus and executive function was worse than ever.

Covid wasn't the first time ADHD occurred to me. It was something I'd wondered about for a few years, including during my CBT sessions pre-Covid.

My issues really do go back to childhood, including the depression, anxiety, and wishing I could stop being myself. But my childhood was in the 90s. Back then, ADHD in America really was something for boys (and even then, usually white boys) who couldn't sit still and be quiet. There were no girls in my school with ADHD. I was labelled "loveable but difficult" and "smart but no common sense". If I didn't make A grades, I would have been labelled a ditz.

Other possibilities I've weighed up with my psychiatrist have been Bipolar disorder, especially Bipolar II. But I don't seem to match that description as accurately, and the ADHD meds I'm taking (now that I'm on Elvanse instead of Xaggitin) have been helpful instead of making things worse.

My psychiatrist has to check in every 6 months or so, because my meds are a controlled substance.

I don't like having ADHD either. Have yet to embrace the "super skill set" I keep hearing it is. RSD sucks. Being the first person awake and still running late sucks. Exhausting myself to plan projects and organize my time only to be half as good as my husband and colleagues sucks. Realising I've not followed through on yet another initiative sucks.

But I think rising awareness is a good thing. It's not good to internalise all these crappy feelings about ourselves. Awareness has helped my husband understand me and our children a lot better (not excusing us when we're being arseholes, just understanding the roots of some patterns). It has helped me treat my father, who is undiagnosed but has all the traits, with a lot more compassion.

If ADHD is so common, it is determined to be a variant of normal, then maybe it'll be less difficult for the next generation somehow. Maybe we'll stop telling each other we're crap. Maybe we'll design some processes so that they're easier for everyone.

Sorry, I didn't read the whole thread. I think I agree with the pp who feels it's just the 'in thing' to be diagnosed with at the moment. I've felt the same about general anxiety disorder in the past (which I absolutely definitely do have) - you don't have GAD just because you feel a bit worried about stuff, it's life-limiting.

But then I read @wheresmymojo 's long post and that is basically me, so... I don't know.

Stress can affect anyone, but there's usually a point where it's not as much of an issue anymore. My little kids haven't been little forever, but my issues remain.

The rabbit holes I go down happen almost every day, multiple times a day.

My husband can fall asleep within 5 minutes of laying down. I have never, ever settled that quickly. Before phones in bed were a thing, I would be up for hours reading a book or listening to music on my Sony Discman in bed.

I asked him once if he had an inner monologue. His response was, "Yeah, sometimes."

Sometimes.

Unless I am in a deep sleep or consciously practicing meditation, I don't ever not have an inner monologue. It's never quiet in my head. It's the reason why I can be a million miles away during a 1:1 conversation, even if I was the one that started the chat!

ADD here (diagnoses years ago as inattentive, but mind is very hyperactive and I’m a fidget), currently unmedicated, but considering going back on meds

Main struggles

• difficultly paying attention/focusing
• can’t read a book, struggle to read short articles even
• can’t focus on a TV programme/film
• forgetfulness
• Hyper focus on some things and become quite obsessed
• anxiety
• frustration (at self and how it holds me back, has stopped me fulfilling my potential)
• General overwhelm
• difficulty starting even simple tasks
• very easily distracted
• flit between a million tabs on phone/laptop, often forgetting what I was meant to be searching for
• struggle to sit/stay still, often find myself in the next room with no reason to be there!
• tiredness, as life is a bit of a struggle

I also have some sensory issues (certain textures, smells, noises (can’t stand alarms or beeps)

And no, plenty of my colleagues didn't have any trouble focusing on work during Covid or post-maternity leave. Maybe a missed deadline here and there by a few days, but not missing all of their deadlines by several weeks. My colleagues found some bits of their jobs boring, but they could get on with it, even as they felt stress. Interruptions and task switching didn't derail them the way it did me. It was why my poor performance stood out and was so distressing.

If my issues had been temporary, that would have indicated to me that it really was stress. Lockdown was temporary. The baby and toddler years were temporary.

But my issues aren't temporary. They go all the way back to primary school. I'm glad I was diagnosed. I'm finally starting to reach a place of self acceptance.

Every time one of these threads crops up, I can see myself. My eldest was assessed for ADHD and found not to have it and is now awaiting ASD assessment (people have been telling me for years - DS's teachers, friends who have DC on the spectrum - that they think DS has autism, but I was convinced it was ADHD, as DP and his brother have it). But while DS was being assessed, I did a FutureLearn online course about ADHD and a woman in one of the videos spoke about the number of girls/women who are missed. Just out of interest, I decided to read about the symptoms specifically focusing on females and, honestly, I was in tears and my skin was prickling with recognition. I haven't done anything about it, but every single day another piece of the jigsaw seems to slot into place when I remember yet more instances of me 'failing at life', both as a child and as an adult.

I never do one thing at a time and I flit between things. I can literally be mowing the lawn and then spot that the bird table has no seed so fill that up and then on the way back to the shed notice some weeding and do that I come in for a cup of tea and spot the meat I was defrosting for dinner so start cooking. I then realise the lawn mower is in the middle of the lawn...

I watch TV whilst I work otherwise I am too bored and can't focus.

I feel overwhelmed by how much stuff needs doing but then can't sustain focus to do it.

I make a lot of strange mistakes that when Ive slowed down and thought about it were illogical decisions.

I lose things more often than is reasonable for a middle aged professional adult.

I also have Asperger's though so I love routine, structure and tidyness.

So much of this resonates with me. I actually went to see my GP about it. He totally dismissed my concerns and sent me away with antidepressants.

@TulipsGarden That is exactly what I used to think... except after my second child all my coping strategies (like working weekends and evenings) were comprehensively overwhelmed. I have just been diagnosed with adhd by two independent psychiatrists.

@LicoricePizza i did the right to choose process. I’m not based anywhere near Cornwall so seemed the best way. Was super smooth & efficient. If you decide to go down the medication route, you have their psychiatrist covering you and prescribing for a few months before they hand you over to your GP once you’re settled on meds. Hope that helps!

ADHD in women is often mis or co diagnosed with anxiety / depression. Be persistent

There's definitely a cut-off where something goes from being a collection of personality traits to being a clinical problem though. If it causes you to struggle at work, underachieve educationally and professionally, struggle at home with basic tasks, and maybe impacts your social relationships - and all of this also has a huge impact on your mental health - then it's absolutely clinical, and would be diagnosed as such. OTOH, the parent I almost certainly inherited it from would never quality for a diagnosis. They have a lot of the same traits but lucked out and managed to live a life that fit them, and as such were never really held back, and never had any secondary mental health conditions crop up. They're a happy person who just happens to get bored easily, and switches their life up periodically.

My traits were barely apparent early on, because I really had free rein to do whatever suited me (no chores even!), which is really how my parent also grew up. But then I got routed into a high achieving academic school, and had pressures and expectations placed on me that parent never had (they grew up in a very large family where there wasn't much attention directed at any individual, so no real expectations either) - that's when my traits started becoming very problematic. Had I had the same upbringing my parent had, I might not have gone on to develop anxiety and panic as a daily coping mechanism, might not have had my self-esteem plummet and a fear of failure take over, might not have expected myself to go into careers that absolutely didn't suit my traits, and had so much stress trying to hang on - and instead just continued to get away with thinking of them as personality quirks.

I think the other distinction though is that parent doesn't have any real executive function issues, which are the real killer, and might well turn it from "personality" into "clinical". If you're overwhelmed just by trying to run the basics of your life, then you're chronically overwhelmed, and chronically stressed. That affects everything.

I think I probably have ADHD and have for some time. I am having trouble getting myself diagnosed because it involves being organised, making phone calls, doing things...I think, 'I must make a GP appointment' and then suddenly it's 3 months later and I still haven't done it - still stuck in this cycle at the moment.

For me:

Utter inability to stick to/concentrate on anything unless I find it very very interesting (and then I might get so focused that it's impossible to drag myself away). Even then, I will suddenly find that thing boring and drop it.

Utter inability to stand still - I would rather walk 10 miles than wait 5 minutes for a bus - standing makes me incredibly anxious very very quickly.

Can't watch tv, films, etc. Can read but only if it properly grabs my attention - even then I will often get fed up about 3/4 of the way through - I hate the end of books, it is weird.

Either very up up up and energetic/manic or very down - no middle ground - swing from one to the other in an instant.

Brain constantly active - overthink everything.

Find background nice overwhelming - also crowds, busy places - get overstimulated and overwhelmed very easily.

Am completely unemployable - get depressed very quickly when I am confined by (in my opinion, pointless..) rules, etc.

Messy - quickly feel physically exhausted/overwhelmed by cleaning and any boring menial/admin task.

Many other things! But I think I am too bad to even get myself diagnosed - I doubt I would remember to pick up prescriptions/take pills anyway. I am extremely lucky that I have a supportive dh, who loves me as I am and that, from a financial point of view, I don't need to work. I am self employed and can control my workload - I need to be very careful not to take on too much when I am in a hyper-focused state of mind as I then can't cope with it if I crash into overwhelm (and it usually is a no warning crash).

nice = noise!

I typed a big long passage before, got distracted came back and it was gone! My normal!

can I ask those diagnosed, are you sensory? As my DC are autistic I had assumed I was too but ADHD fits exactly. Apart from picking, you have all described me to a T. The sensory overthrows methough. For instance, if I'm spiralling into a bit of a mania I have to smell something nice????? Burn candles, wax melts spend silly amount on 'nice smelling cleaning products etc.... I knowing sounds odd but the link between that and how I am feeling at the time is so strong I can't ignore it. I also can't wear restrictive clothes like jeans, knickers up my bum. It makes me unreason ably angry not just uncomfortable. Like I need to rip them off immediately before I explode????

On a small scale, procrastination, messiness, difficulty regulating my emotions, addiction and impulsiveness

more seriously, the above has had be lose jobs, drop out/resit college and uni years, ruined relationships and resulted in me being in huge amounts of debt.

I am currently medicated with Elvanse and it definitely helps overall although it’s not some miracle drug, I still need to make a conscious effort to do the things I have to do

I am not diagnosed, but do have some sensory issues - mostly related to hearing and touch.

I can't stand background noise - I find it utterly overwhelming. For example - I love music (and am a musician), but I can't have it on in the background, it must be very loud and the thing that I am doing.

I also can't wear restrictive clothing (and luckily never really have to). I can't even wear socks and hate shoes - I only wear barefoot/minimalist shoes and only when I have to. I don't wear anything that has the potential to leave a mark on my body, or that restricts my movement. I struggle enormously with anything that restricts my movement, not just clothing - I feel panicky very quickly if I want to move and I can't. A bit like with background noise vs the noise being the thing I am doing, I can be very tactile too, and love massage, hands on assists in yoga, etc.

I haven't RTFT but bumping here as need to dash out.

Very interested in this as my DH, correctly I think, believes he has ADHD, but has incorrectly persuaded our two DCs that they have it too, and they're both using it to make all manner of excuses now...

Yes noise too! I have several huge changes coming up in the next couple of months at least 5 that would be stressful to anyone but I am paralyzed! I can't even seem to do little things like finishing washing up or deciding what to make for tea. I am so overwhelmed my mind is racing. I'm like a petrol lawn mower that won't start! Is the only way to describe it. It isn't just that I'm putting it off its as if my inside motor won't start but I am a coil of anxiety and frustration!!!!!! I am far from lazy my mind just won't speak to my body argh!!!!

@wheresmymojo
Your post has resonated so much with me,
Especially the caffeine.
Thanks for breaking out the points and making it easier to read.

I was diagnosed because when I discovered my father had died I broke.

All my (rather brutal on myself) coping mechanisms were washed away in the tsunami of grief I was hit with, and spent a lot of time being tumbled about in.

My GP was very concerned that while the complicated grief in itself was within the bounds of normal, there was something underlying making it even more complicated. She referred me for an urgent psychiatric consult. I was seen within a week, filled in loads of questionnaires, had several appointments and then fell over with shock when he diagnosed me with ADHD. Shock because seeing it there in black and white with all the symptoms .. it was so bloody obvious.

I’ve been teaching kids with ADHD for 30 years, been on courses, never put 2 and 2 together despite the descriptions having me as a kid (and quite a lot as an adult) written all over them.

I have 3 modes.

Hyperactive and hyperfocused.
Hyperfocused and glued to the sofa.
Slug.

I was asked to make a video from an adult ADHD perspective for children, which outlines many of my major symptoms.

Medication for ADHD in adults is not approved yet in the country where I live. So I’m unmedicated. However anti-depressants have been an ENORMOUS help since I finally gave in took them several years after diagnosis. They help moderate my mood, which in turn stops me sinking into self flagellation. I also take a low dose of Xanax eveynight two hours for bed, so a lifetime of insomnia has finally left me alone. That might not work for everybody, but I have never been able to switch my head off at night despite being exhausted. Xanax basically acts like a stun gun on all the little thoughts running wild in my bonce. I lean heavily on Rick Green and How To ADHD on youtube for info, empathy and insight, because I need things to be funny or upbeat or I have no amour against the ADHD Slug I battle with daily.

I have maintained a morning, afternoon and evening routine for 5 months using the Fabulous app. Which is fucking unbelievable to anybody who knows me 😂 Because I think between the coaching and the mix of both natante and extended gratification it hits the right spots in my brain. I’ve never been better. Still a long way from being normal, but at peace with that, all while striving to be the best version of me that I can manage. I use Jordan Peterson every single day for the second part. I have to strive forward or I sink deep into “but it’s not my fault” slug mode and backslide badly and get stuck back into a life that makes me miserable.

I also use nicotine (vape not fags anymore) and coffee with No More Guilt. They calm me down. And I need calming down if any of the above is going to work on an ongoing (with occasionally and limited backsliding in slug mode) basis.

I got to @AllHailKingLouis post and actually laughed. You just described me completely lol. Also, hyperfocus on things that inspire me, but the inspiration disappears as soon as I've mastered it. I hate having expectations put on me because I know I'll never finish the task/project/whatever. Its worse when people tell me they know I can do it and I have great ability. It kind of shuts of the excitement of it somehow.

Forgetting what I'm talking about mid sentence. Having to recharge for a couple of days after socialising. Having endless useless knowledge but cannot retain anything important. Always looking for instant rewards in things. I can't keep focused on long term goals. Being exhausted from just sitting on the sofa thinking about all the things I should be doing.