If you have been diagnosed with ADHD can I ask you a question?

[sparklins]

For women - as I am one myself.
What would you consider your ''symptoms''?
If you were diagnosed as an adult - what made you seek a diagnosis in the first place?
How does one go about getting a diagnosis?
Does treatment work?

Apologies if this is a sensitive subject or if I used any wrong terminology.
It's something I have been suspecting in myself in a while and I don't really know what to do or where to take this, if my suspicions are reasonable or if I am just jumping off the deep end and I would really appreciate getting some perspective from people that know more on this topic as I do not yet feel confident enough to speak to anyone IRL.

another one - very rarely finishing projects, especially if its something just for me like art. If its for other people it really helps when i stop caring, I know I still need to carry on but if its just for me - the 'meh, its fine' kicks in or the classic 'ill finish it later' and I put it away and forget it exists

I have several unfinished paintings and crafty things waiting for my interest to ever return

-Olympic level procrastination: only able to motivate myself through panic, i.e. last minute deadlines.
-Totally unable to read anything that isn't expressly interesting to me - hence having to drop out of uni, and quit a job that involved vague, open ended tasks I couldn't get my brain to actually do.
-Paralysis through overwhelm. Anything requiring multiple steps to complete will make my brain shut down because I can't lay them out sequentially in my brain. I just see everything simultaneously and have no idea how to begin, and get lost very quickly if I do begin. Stuff like housework or any kind of maintenance is therefore bloody difficult.
-Misplacing things every five minutes.
-Things disorganising themselves almost immediately if I ever do manage to de-clutter or file things properly.
-Paying bills late even though I have the cash sitting there. Lots of final notices.
-Zoning out constantly because of my unending trains of thought, so I'm always oblivious as to movie plots etc.
-Constant fidgeting, and years of restless leg syndrome (magnesium helps!)
-A few things like co-morbid anxiety and rock bottom self-esteem, which I think build the clinical picture. Feeling like a massive underachiever is the norm.
-And then the not so bad things like hyperfocus (staying up all night reading about whatever random thing has caught my fancy on a dopamine high), and needing novelty, so becoming bored quickly with jobs and living arrangements. I also strongly related to things that aren't officially criteria, but are very, very common - like rejection sensitive dysphoria.

Things I don't relate to are most of the physical hyperactivity traits (though they were present in childhood), risk taking, impulsivity (though I can be verbally impulsive) overspending, and being forgetful. I've never forgotten an appointment in my life! Totally foreign concept to me, to the point I feel like a bit of a fraud sometimes 😊

Oh yes - unfinished projects everywhere. I've had half a floor laid for years now!

Hi OP 😊I was recently diagnosed (aged 30) after a friend kept asking me if I'd ever been assessed/should be assessed a couple of years ago. Here are some of my traits which I would previously have had no idea WERE traits:

• Nail biting
• Lifelong depression and anxiety
• Having friends but struggling to maintain them and being picky with who I choose to be friends with.
• Poor eye contact
• As a child, being very shy but really chatty in class with my peers
• Daydreaming and zoning out
• Being unable to watch a film without squirming and not paying attention
• Feeling desperate to want to "fit in" as a child but always being a tiny, tiny bit different to everyone else and not being able to understand why
• Becoming very focussed (hyperfixated) on a subject, event or item for a short period... then becoming bored and being unable to finish it
• Moving from one job to another every 18 months or so because I get bored, or because I'll argue back with poor management (I'm not that sorry for that one

I wish I had been diagnosed 20 years sooner. Whilst my life has never been bad, per say, it would have been a lot easier if I'd had the correct support. But girls and women are very good at masking their symptoms, unfortunately. Good luck!

And now I've remembered there was a second part of the question (😆) - I got diagnosed by going to my GP, telling her what some of my symptoms were, and being referred onto the local service. It was a two year wait for the assessment though. Still waiting to start meds so can't comment on that.

I had had enough of struggling, and it had got to the point where I was pretty much non-functional, and was clearly going to be held back for the rest of my life if I didn't do anything about it. I'd noticed things seemed to get harder with time rather than easier, and things like household maintenance tasks where causing me way more stress than seemed reasonable (and I missed my zero responsibility youth!) Till I resigned from that job (because I just couldn't focus on anything i was supposed to be doing, so was in a state of horrendous anxiety the whole time in case I got "found out"), I'd convinced myself that it was somehow just a reeealllly long phase that I'd eventually grow out of. I'd continued deluding myself that I'd be able to do any career I set my mind to, and the problem was just that I hadn't chosen the right one yet. But it finally dawned on me that it wasn't going away, and that all those different futures I'd daydreamed about weren't going to be possible for me as I was. I wasn't 100% sure it was ADHD though, it just seemed like it would be a neat explanation! The confirmation has been nice. No more guilt, or sense of personal failing.

I’m not diagnosed (I don’t want a diagnosis) but can relate to all of the above. My main traits are..

Not being able to sit still/relax/watch tv without doing something else.

Forgetfulness and loss of focus (unless it’s something I’m obsessed with).

Obsessive behaviour, I have subjects that I spend hours studying and hobbies that take over my life.

Losing interest easily..in work, relationships and hobbies.

Social anxiety, I don’t feel I really fit in, I have friends but no friendship groups, most my friends have ASD or ADHD themselves.

I chose not to get diagnosed as I wouldn’t want to take medication, although my life and my brain can be a little hectic I feel I cope pretty well though I do wish I could switch off and relax sometimes.

I have just looked up rejection sensitivity dysphoria having never heard it before, and honestly it literally describes my DS (diagnosed ADHD & ASD). Thank you so much for mentioning it. I’m going to research it further.

Back to the OP, I’m fairly certain I’m also ADHD but not taken it any further. I can’t get on top of house work no matter how hard I try. I hyper focus on one thing but easily forget all the other things I have to do. I’m very impulsive with spending / decisions etc. I am pretty clever but rarely finish anything, I dropped out of A-levels to go to college but then only managed a year at college. I would get distinctions in some assignments that I’d hyper focused on but then fail the next as I just couldn’t concentrate on it for long enough.

I saw a meme that said “all my craft supplies think I’ve died” or something like that because I’ve started so many hobbies and given up

im peri menopause now and my executive functioning is awful. It’s starting to be noticed at work. I don’t have the strength to mask any more! So I think I will go for a private assessment. I relate to every single post on here.

Thank you so much for all the replies.
From reading through I feel like innatentive adhd applies to me a lot.
I mask like crazy though.

I feel like it's getting noticed at work as I am supposed to self manage and even though I don't have a huge workload at all I just procrastinate and put it off until it snowballs. I hate it. I don't want to do it. Yet I don't know how I can stop.

I can set off to clean the kitchen and end up spending a silly amount of time registering an appliance for the warranty as I randomly found the paperwork.
A couple of years ago I revived my love for art, I started 2 projects, bought all the bits (pencils and so on), they're both 70% finished still sat on the shelf along with the supplies. I really wanted to finish one of them as well as it was going to be a gift for someone I know would love it buy I just can't.

So my children have it and my partner and lots of my friends.

Always very extreme its been a huge benefit to me. I'd never have done what I have done in my life without it. I still struggle to see it as a disability nor do I think like other people.

In my work its very relevant and although I don't enjoy mundane tasks I will do them.

I take medication to keep on a level and it helps slow my thinking and reactions down. Thats all I'm still me.

As I child it was worse I couldn't sit still was a big day dreamer lost track of time. Very outspoken yet liked my own company and lived in my head. Could be hyper focused and when I love something I'm brilliant but if I don't my brain will just switch off.

I got diagnosed last month so still working through my plan for how to tackle it now I’m aware of it. I was prompted to find out more by stumbling across a checklist of symptoms of ADHD in women and it was a total lightbulb moment! Then spoke to a friend who had been recently diagnosed and suddenly it was like seeing my life on a plate. I got a diagnosis through PsychiatryUK,

I recently told my mum, who had been a special educational needs worker before she retired and I was hoping for her expertise. Her response when I first mooted the possibility? “Don’t be so ridiculous. Why is it everyone wants a label to feel special nowadays?”

Then after my diagnosis I suggested she listen to a short Guardian podcast about it. I asked 3 times, until she exploded, “why do you want me to listen anyways, it’s not like you have ADHD”
Well, actually mother…!
🙄

Moral of the story is, never go to your expert mother for advice, expertise or indeed sympathy! Instead go to PsychiatryUK and get a referral.

I feel like ever since covid everyone thinks they have adhd because they have 'the same symptoms'.

Everyone has the same symptoms. Whether your have a normal brain or not. Where it varies is the degree of impact of those symptoms. And how debilitating it is. You dont go your whole life being fine and never questioning it,to being late 20s and seeing a tick tock video and all of a sudden go " hey that sounds like me".

Im getting so frustrated with adhd being a cool and funky label. For me it is life wrecking and soul destroying.

Some 'symptoms' are just personality traits. And I feel like everyone is always like " i think I have adhd" but you could also be bpd or ptsd or many other things. But i feel like people think that adhd has a nice ring to it. Vs having to tell someone you live with bpd youll be looked at differently (thanks amber heard)

Im just over adhd being a fad. Like it is cool. Or a "hey look a squirrel"

Ok i am just frustrated. Never mind me. I just feel sad. I hate having adhd. Hate. It.

I’ve read it’s advisable to find somewhere with expertise in diagnosing adhd /ASD in adults & women & been looking at Psychiatry U.K.
Do you mind me asking if you went via GP referral or privately? I’m nowhere near Cornwall but see you can use the Right To Choose if your CCG is registered with them (& that they’re completely online anyway). Just not sure I’ve got the patience to go nhs route & considering privately. I’ve heard there can be probs then with getting prescriptions on the nhs (if needed) however if you’ve gone privately. Any feedback on route you took from yr experience with them? Or any posters for that matter wld be really helpful.

Many of the things others have already said.

the worst thing is that I lack focus and motivation which makes working a challenge, I have a very full on professional job and I also have massive impostor syndrome and I struggle every day with it. I get distracted, and it’s like my mind is busy but I’m almost frozen with the inability to just get on with what needs doing. Then my workload overwhelms me.

equally my house is a bloody mess a lot of the time.

I fidget. I can’t sit still, I can’t watch long movies etc. I have had dermotillomania for most of my life (picking wounds into my skin). I’m impulsive and bad with money. Massive daydreamer as a child, which meant I didn’t concentrate in class. Very poor social skills as a child - I mask that these days but still prefer my own company. Can hyperfocus on particular things to a ridiculous extent and go through phases - god, so many phases, my house is full of stuff I obsessed about for a few months then put in a cupboard. I can play a video game for two weeks straight.

I am not medicated at the moment due to high blood pressure (not helped that I’m overweight as binge eating is another issue I have). I am just about clinging on using the coping strategies I’ve had to develop but it’s exhausting. I couldn’t have kids due to endometriosis and in all honesty I think that’s for the best because I simply can’t imagine how I could look after a child when I can barely look after myself.

I’m nearly in tears reading every single comment. Thank you OP for posting this. I have already been to bed and had to get up as my mind was whirring thinking should I speak to my GP about a referral. Every single comment has resonated with me! I have the constant OCD thoughts going on and on in my head like I have imposter syndrome and I have been making these traits / symptoms up. It’s only in my 40s the veil has lifted and I started to realise the probability of me being ND is incredibly high.

Sorry @Marvellousmadness are you accusing the people on here of faking for shits and giggles???

So much of this resonates, even a PP saying that some of it is just personality. On a previous thread about autism (I think) someone said if the percentage of people who are ND is so high, then at what point is it personality and what point is it something that need to be diagnosed/defined? I find that an interesting thought, but anyway, I digress!

I get easily distracted (as above!), fall down rabbit holes all the time, can't get organised for work or decluttering/tidying, all the usual suspects. I will perhaps speak to my GP about a diagnosis but my meds at the moment are relatively stable for my depression (possibly EUPD according to the CMHT). Also I don't want my GP to think I'm a hypochondriac or jumping on a bandwagon. Not that they would probably, but I overthink things like that.

I've been looking for apps to help me get organised. In one of the ADHD books, Toodledoo was recommended. I'm not convinced by it yet, but (un) surprisingly perhaps, I got distracted when playing around with it and have downloaded about a million other apps, none of which I have properly tried to use! Any recommendations from anyone here? My job is quite vague so I don't have deadlines or anything which I have realised I need. I think part of it is they don't actually need as many people in my role as they have, which I have told the managers, but I hate it because I can just do nothing all day except reply to Teams messages or go to endless pointless meetings. Maybe I need a PA to organise me!

This site may be of interest, it provides consulting, recruitment and employment support to employers and individuals with dyslexia, dyspraxia, ADHD and autism.
exceptionalindividuals.com/

I agree with all the above! I was diagnosed last summer via Psychiatry UK (there are forms on their website for getting gp to refer you to them), started meds in December, its been so weird how everything feels the same but different.

I was diagnosed with combined ADHD after my son was diagnosed about 3 years ago. I couldn't figure out where in the family it came from until I read up on characteristics in adult women, and how it often seems like you're doing fine, I was good at school, ok at college and uni (though underachieved according to what I should've done perhaps) have bounced from sector to sector, job to job for years. After having my children I found all the extra life admin totally overwhelming, I am messy and disorganised and mostly its just not knowing what to do with things.

Having a dx has helped me feel more at peace with myself, given me permission to be kind to myself like 'its ok this didn't get done, or that is still messy, I didn't have the executive function available today, I'll try again tomorrow'.

Understanding that ADHD has neurobiological causes and that is why it can be inconsistent was ready helpful too - sometimes I can do The Thing, othertimes it makes me want to cry.

Working Memory Issues
My short term memory is fine (e.g. if you told me to remember five random words and repeat them back at the end of our conversation. My long term memory is okay (and actually very good on topics of interest) but my working memory is like Dory from Finding Nemo.

I can't remember birthdays, appointments, to pay bills; reply to text messages, tasks like giving the cat a worming tablet.

And 'normal' people tricks to remember don't work - I can set reminders on my phone but if the reminder goes off at a time I can't 'do the thing' then I'll forget again within 30 seconds. If I write a 'to do list' then I forget that I have a list.

Something like this can be of critical importance to me and I absolutely desperately want to do it but that makes zero difference to my ability to remember to do it.

I might go several weeks where I remember I need to do something really important every single day but forget again by the time I'm in a position to do anything about it.

Losing Things

I think this is linked to above. As soon as I put things down I forget where they are. Obvs this happens to NT people but I don't think it happens several (hundred) times a day.

Hyperfocus
When I'm really interested in things I'll go down a rabbit hole and can hyperfocus on them and get through an incredible amount of research / work.

Racing Thoughts / Impatience / Interrupting People

I have periods where my brain feels like it's working on hyper-speed. When this happens I can join dots and see patterns in things at work very easily and come up with lots of ideas but it keeps me awake at night with racing thoughts about all kinds of topics (not stress...new ideas, making connections I haven't made before, etc).

My energy levels and motivation are very high at these times (hello high dopamine levels!) but I can get impatient and frustrated that NT colleagues can't keep up.

It also means I interrupt as the pace of meetings seems unbearably slow and I feel like I'm already two steps ahead (sounds arrogant but I literally can't help this!).

Shutdowns

On the opposite end of the scale I have periods (usually days, occasionally weeks) where I feel like a robot who has been powered down. I have no motivation, the smallest task feels totally overwhelming. I can't even get out of bed or brush my teeth. This is severe low dopamine levels.

I often have Parkinson's style tremors at these times which are also a sign of low dopamine.

Spatial Awareness

My spatial awareness can be pretty bad. Before I drove I constantly had scabby knees from falling over. Now I drive my car is seriously beaten up partly from spatial awareness and partly from not being observant/a bit distractable.I walk into things a lot.

Addictive Behaviour

I've been through periods of being a workaholic, having issues with shopping, I get easily addicted to silly games on my iPhone to the point I'll stay up until 2am playing them even though I don't want to (and then have to delete them), addicted to phone / social media. Nothing bad enough to need any kind of treatment but all beyond the average NT person.

Binge Eating

Linked to above, binge eating disorder is a common symptom as our brains subconsciously realise we have dopamine problems and seek it out via sugars and carbs. The binge eating feels compulsive like you don't have any / much conscious control over it.

Caffeine

I drink shit loads of coffee, to the point that I'm well known for it among colleagues as while it's not outside the experience of NT people it's unusually high compared to an average person.

I don't feel any stimulant effects from it - I never understood when people said too much caffeine gave them the jitters / anxiety / hyper feelings. I feel calmer and more focused and can happily drink a large Starbucks with 3 espresso shots in it and then go to sleep.

Again, this is your brain self-medicating. Caffeine has a mild stimulant effect and stimulants have the opposite impact on ADHD'ers than NTs (the ADHD meds I take are basically amphetamines/speed).

Reading

Slightly weird one but I have two approaches to reading books - if I find it super interesting I'll read the whole thing in one or two nights. Otherwise I read about 20-30 books at any one time - so I'll read a few chapters of one, then switch to another, then switch again, then maybe start another, then switch again. I do finish them but cycle between a large number of books on different topics.

Problems with Transitions

I love big life transitions (new job, new house, etc) and don't find them stressful (probably because of the dopamine boost) but small daily transitions are challenging.

So transitioning from 'being in bed' to 'getting ready to go to work' can feel impossible.

Transitioning from 'working mode' to 'not working' can be hard, I find it hard to stop working.

The worst is transitioning from 'evening time on the sofa' to 'bed' - I can be really, really tired and desperately want to go to bed but be almost stuck in a kind of mental paralysis until 4am or 5am at its worst.

Lack of Routine

I really struggle with establishing and following routines. For example, I don't have a routine in the morning that I sub-consciously just follow out of habit which I believe is how NTs tend to work.

This means I forget things NTs find it hard to understand how they could be forgotten like brushing teeth or in any way planning what I might eat for dinner (it's almost like a surprise every day at 6pm when my DH asks what I'm having for dinner and I always have no idea and haven't thought about it).

Impact on my Life

For all of these things it's the level of impact on my life that makes the difference I think.

NTs might do all of these things occasionally but for me they are constant, many times a day and have a huge impact.

Not just being a bit annoying but massive impacts like forgetting to clean my teeth so often that I am in danger of having serious gum disease, binge eating to the point of being morbidly obese, forgetting bills to the point of defaulting on a loan even though I have the money to pay and want to pay(!), losing many friendships because I forget to respond to them for months and months(!)...

Interesting, I pick my scalp.

@Marvellousmadness WTF?! So let me get this straight, your allowed to have and suffer greatly with ADHD but you think other people are just making it up because it’s ‘cool’?!

You’d think someone with ADHD would have a little more sympathy for people who are struggling?

Its currently wrecking my DS. He’s struggling badly. So I very much know how debilitating it can be but that doesn’t mean that I can’t have it and have managed to navigate round the symptoms all my life. I certainly don’t think it’s ‘cool’ or fun to have a ‘label’

Oh also I go through frequent periods of burning out at work.

Basically I feel great and super motivated when my dopamine is high - everything is interesting, I take on loads of stuff especially if it's fixing things that aren't working well or extra projects and I'm hyper focusing and doing loads and loads of productive work at a massive rate.

Then my dopamine level drops - I'm totally overwhelmed, I can't manage everything I've taken on anymore, I'm anxious and panicked, I'm stuck in procrastination, everything snowballs and then I go into the shutdown I mentioned.

Fun times.

Hard to focus or finish things unless there is a deadline. Putting off easy to do stuff. Starting something then doing 10 other things. Finding it really difficult to deal with boredom. Not being able to just be. Need to be doing something or listening to something or watching something. But it has to be interesting or physically can't focus.

Constantly beating yourself up. Not understanding why you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing when you know you can easily do it.

However, when the dopamine kicks in (when you're in a serious deadline) it is like magic. When I focus what I can produce in a short amount of time it is incredible. This week for example I have produced an annual plan that my client thought had taken me ages. It is such a week thought out, well explained strategic plan and it took me a couple of hours. Without a deadline I overthink, research, go down rabbit holes, study, look into stuff, have too much information. It's like I can't finish it unless I have a deadline.

I've been taking lions mane and the difference is astounding.

Still more...

• I find it almost impossible to just sit and watch the TV, I have to scroll on my phone at the same time or I just feel totally understimulated

• Like others multiple hobbies have come and gone, lots of half finished projects

However I got straight A's at school/college and a law degree. I did mess around quite a lot and skipped a lot of classes in college and Uni but then just hyperfocus for 4-6 weeks for my exams. Two days after my exam I wouldn't even be able to tell you what the subject/module was.