To hand in my notice while on sick leave due to my mental health?

[nononononononoooo]

I'm on sick leave due to anxiety. So far I've had 5 weeks off and am still feeling awful. I'm on medication but, if anything, I feel worse.

A lot of my anxiety was and is triggered by my job. It's an office-based job with lots of meetings, deadlines and incredibly fast-paced and stressful. I find it very demanding on me socially and have really struggled. It's not the type of job you can put your head down and work hard with, you have to be able to network with clients and know how to talk the talk and it's just not for me.

I need to hand in my notice and leave. Thinking long-term, I know that this job isn't for me and have known since my first week there but I pressed through it all thinking I needed time to settle, but it's now been 9 months and has just gotten worse. In the short-term, I feel like my mental health will never recover whilst I'm still worrying about work. Every time my phone lights up or makes a noise I panic thinking it's HR or my manager ringing, phoning or emailing me to tell me I'm fired. I've been living in a constant state of count down of my sick notes ending and worrying the GP won't issue a new one.

My current sick note ends next week. My notice period for my job is 2 months. I need to hand in my notice, but it would mean still working there for 6+ weeks and having to deal with telling my colleagues and having leaving drinks, etc. I just wish I could disappear. I toss and turn all night worrying about what to do.

Do I had in my notice ASAP, acknowledging that my notice period is 2 months and then hope my GP can extend my sick note? Or return to work and try and just push through those last 2 months?

I know I'm using this as like a journal but I just find it easier to get all my thoughts out here. I've had a follow up email from my manager and he wants a meeting this week with HR. I can't stop crying, I don't even know why I'm crying but any reference to work or contact from work just makes me cry. I really can't face a meeting with them, I'll just end up crying.

I contacted my GP and they won't extend my sick note until Monday so I'm stuck in limbo not knowing whether they will even extend it or not

I'm sure your Dr will extend your sick note, you are not fit for work that's clear.
The GP cannot extend it until the current one ends.
Can you email back your manager and say you are seeing the GP on Monday and can you meet after that. At least then you will have the GP's backing.

I did it in 2019. It felt like a huge relief. I've never regretted it.

I finally emailed in my resignation and it feels like such a weight off of my shoulders, I'm already feeling much better. However, it's been over a day and I've still not had any response from HR or my line manager and I'm not sure why.

Well done! I've just read the thread. Don't panic that it's just been a day or so with no response. Give yourself sometime! Don't find something else to now start get anxious about. You've done well - you recognised that the job was not for you, you've given it enough time and you're putting your mental health first.

Well done!
Don't expect an immediate reply, they have 100's of emails a day I would imagine.
Im glad you feel good about doing it. Don't rush in to anything else just yet, give yourself a break.

DH did exactly this 18 months ago - left a job which was a poor fit for him and from which he'd been signed off sick, despite being a very supportive workplace generally. He had 6 months off to recover, and has been happily employed for a year elsewhere (we were lucky to have savings to cover the break in employment).

Looking at it from the other side so to speak, things will get better, and leaving this job is the start of that.

I've had a reply now from my line manager. He said he would like to have a call to discuss whether there are any changes to the role they can make to support me in staying. Everytime I get an email or message from work it makes me cry and I don't even know why. I can't work out why I'm upset, I worry that I'm making the wrong decision and will regret it. However, I have diary entries from a month into the job where I'm writing about how miserable I am and how I don't think the job is right for me.

I think I'm upset because I am good at parts of the role and have worked hard and received a lot of recognition from my line manager and senior management for that. However I struggle with all the other aspects of it like having to interact and present to clients. I've worked hard and been rewarded but I'm leaving with nothing to show for it, I'm leaving worse than I had started off because now I'll have a reference with bad attendance and an employment gap.

My manager wants a call regardless of my choice but I don't feel strong enough for a call. I know I would just be crying which is unprofessional and embarrassing.

Crying is totally normal and human - I’ve cried with several managers over the years and they’ve all been compassionate and understanding.

I think you’re worrying about doing things perfectly and pleasing other people. You’re allowed to please yourself too though - it’s okay to say ‘no thank you, can we postpone’ to a meeting request. It’s okay to be assertive with the GP and say you need a sick note until x date for x reasons, rather than leaving decisions in their hands.

It’s also okay to totally suck at things and find things difficult! Things like leading meetings at work used to scare me hugely and I would shy away from them, but those skills can be learned. If you enjoy other aspects of the job, you could put the more difficult bits on your development plan and ask your manager to help you find some coaching/mentoring/training to help you - if you want to.

I’m not sure your manager should be contacting you while you’re on sick leave - maybe HR can advise and help you work out a level of contact that’s right for you so you’re not worrying about random phone calls. Sick leave should be your time for you to rest and get better.

Maybe your manager wants to chat to you to check you’re okay and to talk through your reasons for leaving, so they can work out whether you need more support and that you’re not making a rash decision? Its also partly to cover their backs to check you’re not going to hold them accountable for not being supportive etc. It’s unlikely to be to twist your arm into staying - that wouldn’t serve you or your workplace. Have you had any experience with your manager to suggest another motive? It’s easy to catastrophise when you’re overly worried about pleasing others. Handing in your resignation is your decision, it’s your life - no one is going to make you do anything you don’t want to do.

Have you got some support in real life to talk through your options and what you might want to do next?

Thank you for your reply.

My manager is really supportive which is why I think I'm so upset, as I really respect him and it's hard for me to share how vulnerable and fragile I am right now if that makes sense. I'm not really sure what changes to the role he can make. If I didn't have to do presentations or public speaking I would probably be ok, as they were the biggest source of anxiety for me and led to me feeling overwhelmed with dread and panic attacks. But it's part of the job, so I don't really know that he can take it away? That's why I thought I needed to leave to find a job where I don't need to run stressful meetings with difficult clients.

Then I think I catastrophise too. I've had 2 months off signed off by my GP and worry that I'm going to get fired for poor attendance and need to jump before I'm pushed. I think of all my colleagues are thinking I'm making it up or being weak or the stigmatisation of poor mental health and I'm not sure if I can face going back to them.

Is there a way you can email your manager?
Say to him you are grateful for his support but just dont think you can return. Say you are unable to talk on the phone right now but maybe in a couple of weeks you will be able to speak to him?

Exact same thing happened to both me and my husband. Awful situations, toxic workplace not fit to employ anybody. Hand your notice in, extend your sick leave and never look back.

I decided to email my manager back and tell him that I would be happy to have a meeting with him. I think if I am leaving it will be better to have done so after talking to my manager once last time just to hear him out.

Well done that's brilliant. I'm sure you will feel better after you have spoken to him.

Well done OP for taking such a decisive action! An office job really isn't worth you ruining your life for!

I was temping on reception a few years ago and took a call from the police which turned out to be that a colleague off sick had jumped in front of a train. Two months later, I was asked to get paint sample choices for the person who would be taking over their office and job. Haunted me ever since, how replaceable we all are.

Move on to something different and don't look back! They'll be glad they're not getting that phonecall!

Not sure if anyone is still reading this but as so many of you offered me so much help and advice I thought I'd update you. I had a meeting with my manager and HR and straight away my manager mentioned a few changes they had already discussed that could be made to my role to support me in staying. I didn't even know those kind of accommodations were an option for me so I'm really glad I agreed to the meeting. I think the changes will really help as they remove the aspects I think contributed most to my anxiety. I feel like I'm feeling better as I was able to join a meeting, whereas a few weeks ago the thought of a call would have me in tears.

I hadn't read your thread before today. Your update is really positive, well done for agreeing to and attending a meeting.

Your manager sounds supportive and 'clued up' in relation to reasonable adjustments. It also appears that they value you as an employee to suggest these reasonable adjustments without recommendations from Access to Work and/or Occupational Health.

I hope everything works out for you and you're able to return to your revised role soon.

I am really glad to hear your update! That’s great news! It does seem like they really care about your well-being and it’s positive to see they are being accommodating to your needs. I hope the changes help you and you are able to enjoy more of the parts of the job you do like. You’ve clearly been doing something right as it appears you made a good impression 😊 I hope you are able to utilise the services they have access to and get to a good head space. This space is always here for you too if you need a place to chat. Wishing you all the best for the future!

Thank you both, I'm feeling a lot more positive and optimistic. I feel so surprised at how supportive work is being. I feel like I've shown them myself at my absolute worse and gave my notice as I felt it was the best thing for everyone, but to have my manager and head of department intervene and offer ways to support me in staying has given me a much needed most to my self-esteem if that makes sense. I feel like I had given them an easy way out to get rid of me and I expected them to jump at the opportunity.

Well they are not doing it for the sake of being kind, they are doing it because they value your work. Clearly you have a lot to offer the company.

What you need to do now is engage in some kind of therapy and self care routine to support your transition back into the workplace and to get past this and into a better space. It isn’t that you are incapable of this or that but obviously you struggle with confidence and self worth which are definitely fixable if you’re prepared to do the work.

Good luck!!

Good for you for being brave enough to go back and have the meeting with your manager, I think that shows great strength, even when you feel awful!

I had a similar experience a few years ago. I was signed off sick (midwife) with burnout and depression and basically had a bit of a breakdown. I was off for 4 months and instead of trying to see what could be done to help, I also felt like leaving was the answer and handed in my resignation with no job to go to. Managed to get one quite quickly and had a 2 year career break. Took the time to get my anxiety and depression under control and sort out some personal stuff.

After 2 years I felt ready to go back to Midwifery and I returned to the NHS feeling really positive and have also just got a promotion (in a job which I thought I'd never return to!)

Just wanted to say that your update sounds really positive and I hope it works out for you.