Am I the one in the wrong?

[elevenspowers]

Arranged to meet a friend on the Thursday just gone and she forgot and made other plans. This is the second time she’s done this and although not on purpose it hurts.

She sent me an apology text on the Thursday and I didn’t respond to it until Sunday. When I’m hurt I try to give myself time to not be reactive, my text back was telling her not to worry and asked how her weekend was.

She usually messages back the same day but hasn’t acknowledged it yet so potentially she’s now annoyed at me.

i just don’t think I did anything wrong unless someone can enlighten me?

Well, if it’s OK for you to take a few days to reply, it’s OK for her to as well, right?

Tit for tat springs to mind.

Well let's face it, you were punishing her with your slow reply. I'm not a fan of the silent treatment, I think it's cruel, but whether she deserved it depends on what her other plans were and what her apology consisted of I guess.

I don't think you've got much right to be annoyed about her not responding yet really.

Agree with this.

At what stage did she let you know she'd double booked herself?

It took you a few days to reply she’s just doing the same, are you usually paranoid?

The day before, she rang me about something else and I asked her and she’d forgot and had made other plans.

It's interesting you're upset about the very same thing you did to her.

I wouldn’t say I was paranoid. But I do overthink - but only in my own head. I wouldn’t voice my overthinking concerns to anyone or send multiple texts etc

I wasn’t doing it to punish her nor was it a calculated move. I was genuinely hurt and I’d rather just give myself time to respond.

The irony is strong with this one...

I don't think it's tit for tat
You took time as you wanted to word it properly, not in anger while upset
You asked her is she enjoyed her weekend for God's sake
If I'd be on the receiving end I would have said yes thanks, again I'm sorry for double booking, when are you free next or something like that

Yeah exactly this. I was hurt at the time and didn’t really want to pretend I wasn’t and neither did I want to fall out. So I gave myself time.

We both had busy bank holiday weekends.

I just think if it were me and I’d hurt a friend and they had accepted my apology, then I wouldn’t potentially drag it on further.

my text back was telling her not to worry and asked how her weekend was.
Why did you tell her not to worry? She’s rudely flaked on you and it’s not the first time. Then, from her POV you’ve made her sweat by not responding. Surely when she called you to cancel that was the best time to have an honest conversation about it, then she needn’t have sent the follow-up text and you needn’t have left her hanging only to then pretend it’s not an issue. All more dramatic than it needed to be.

Maybe she's hurt because she feels you're punishing her for a genuine mistake?

The friend didn't know OP was taking time to respond for that reason. Maybe she was doing the same. If someone ignored my text for days the way OP had I would assume they were being immature and sucking, not taking time to 'word it properly' - how was your weekend hardly needs a few days preparation.

Why did she let you down rather than whoever she made subsequent plans with?

It’s ok to want time to respond. But you, basically, ignored her. And she is doing the same. Possibly wanting time to respond.

You can’t expect it to be ok for you to have time to respond but no one else have when replying. It’s often best to just put a quick message together saying. Something like ‘I am a bit hurt this happened again. Just need some space to xyz’

She didn’t call me to cancel. She completely forgot and I brought it. She called me on her lunch break so we didn’t have time to talk for too long.

She said she’d call me back. She didn’t. Then sent the text the next day.

She likely thinks you left it too long to reply (I would) and if you can reply ages later, so can she.
I don’t agree with not telling her you were upset she’s forgotten about your plans- she knows by your lack of reply that it annoyed you. It might have put her off, replying when you eventually did, but initially she’s in the wrong for messing you about.
For future reference, I see no harm in saying “Please pop it on the calendar, I have to nowadays so I don’t forget 😊”. Non confrontational while still letting her know it’s unacceptable to keep changing the plan.

If I was her, I'd think your few days to respond was you being passive aggressive rather than saying you were angry and replying straight away.

Not in the wrong at all.

So you were hurt because she cancelled on you and "took some time" to reply. I hope you can see how that would have made her feel?

And then she hasn't replied instantly to a generic, "how was your weekend" message and now you're upset?

Blimey. I don't really see this friendship going anywhere. She has forgotten plans with you twice - which suggests you're not a priority for her (unless it's twice in 10 years in which case you're being ridiculous). Meanwhile, you are passive aggressive and sulky when she apologises.

@jubileetrain , if the friend had any sense of decency, they should have released their behaviour, however unintended was quite hurtful. No one like to be forgotten about
She should receive @elevenspowers reply will good grace and reply. If anything I think the friend is in the wrong
@elevenspowers

I think you're being a bit of a drama queen about the whole thing, really.

Your friend fucked up, clearly. Yes, that is annoying, especially if it's the second time it's happened. But she did tell you in advance and she did apologise. Ignoring her for days, and then being offended when she doesn't reply immediately, is just petulant and silly.

Your friend needs to be better organised and you need to grow up.