Difference between being tight and being unable to afford stuff

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Sometimes I feel like it's not always clear, especially when you have friends on higher salaries, it's easy to come across as stingy but it's different when you genuinely can't afford the same things.
A guy in the past used to call me a cheapskate just because I liked charity shops etc. However I was only on 17k a year.
I do worry about this sometimes

But for some people buyimg food out is part of the day out. Having a day off from family catering. They are still entitled to moan about it being highly priced crap. If people don't complain then it always will be like that. We went to a theme park in Spain and there was a beautiful fresh buffet available, and you sat at a proper table with table cloth and cutlery, and it was also a very reasonable price. Much better than warm, soggy sandwiches.

Baha. At school I was called a ‘charity case’ (nice nickname - thanks miss rolph!) because I didn’t have the same disposable income as the other kids! (Most had notes as their weekly pocket money… I got 10p for every year of my age..) As a result, I’m uber sensitive re money and ‘stingyness’ or ‘tightness’

However. I’ve also set my life up so I don’t have to work full time to afford to live: I’ll prep, then go and eat my reduced meal on the beach at lunch, after I’ve gone for a run or had a work out.

Being frugal means when friends come over, I’ve got co-ops own lemonade, rather than schweppes - but I’m still providing an alternative to tap water / tea / squash even if it’s not their preferred brand.

if I was tight, this would be like going out for drinks with friends, but ordering a tap water, or asking for a glass and ice, and then decanting that cheapo lemonade into a pub glass -> NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!!

Some months, like this month (hit with some insurance related costs I hadn’t accounted for / considered), I have very little disposable income and so I wouldn’t be able to accept an invite for dinner / drinks in the next couple of weeks (because I still want to be able to eat towards the end of the month!!) but thankfully, friends and family understand.

everyone is being hit by rising prices. For some people, petrol food gas and leccy haven’t risen more than they’re comfortable with, so they don’t need to reduce their other spending, or change any of their habits. But for people who were ALREADY living a little hand-to-mouth? Who are ALREADY working more than one job, and/or claiming everything they’re entitled to and still stretched to the limit? Life’s tough.

OP, if they are real friends, you can have an honest convo with them. Reiterate you still value their friendship despite not being able to join them for every single dinner / drinks/ night out they arrange.

depending on your group/ personality / circumstances you can also host and ask everyone to bring either a dish to share, or a bottle to share with the group (and you provide eg. Some wine you have rattling about in a cupboard. OR you do the food (spag bol for 6-8 can be done for a tenner - but ask them to bring the drinks) as this can be much cheaper (but as fun/ more fun) than a fancypants meal out.

and the guy who called you a cheapskate for shopping in a charity shop? He’s missing out! I’d smile fondly in his direction and move on!!

Recently went to a day festival on holiday, yes could have picked up a tesco meal deal but frankly didn't want to, I very much enjoyed my £8 jerk pork burger and £4 chips. Kids shared a £9 pizza. It wasn't the world's most exciting pizza but we were on holiday and sick of butties by then ( had had for lunch the day before).

Not strange at all and we are in no way wealthy!

Surely not spending any and all money left over after bills is sensible not tight?

I don't object to buying nice food on days out, even if it's a bit expensive. But what I do object to is paying attraction prices for nasty fast food or fridge cold factory sandwiches. That's not something that adds to a day out, its a punishment.

For me being tight is about a lack of generosity not how frugal you are.

eg you spend loads on yourself but get cheap gifts for your friends - tight

you are hard up and spend hardly anything on yourself but still get a cheap gift for your friend for their birthday - not tight.

you are trying to save money and have a good income so economise where you can but still always bring a gift for the host - not tight

you have a good income and are trying to save money so decide to do this by not buying any gifts for anyone at all (but happy to accept) - tight

Frugal is when you make financial decisions that only affect you.

Tight is when you enforce that on other people, and always aim to have the upper hand of not "being had" when no one is trying to "have" you.

But then I turned down a meet up with a friend because I spent my fun money for the month, I need new tyres etc - but mainly because I treat my pension overpayment as a bill I can't afford not to pay. Some people would call that tight.

To me tight is more about how you treat others, so going out for coffeee but not taking your turn paying even though you can, or leaving before your round, or buying gifts for people in charity shops when you wouldnt dream of buying something for yourself from there, or turning up empty handed at a pot luck supper - even though you could easily afford to make a dish.

Buying things for yourself from a charity shop is just spending the money you have in the best way you can to me.

*Fritilleries · Today 06:40

Being tight is having money left over from bills etc and not spending it.*

No dear that's called saving

I think it’s ok to say you don’t want to spend money on this, that or the other, as you are saving for something etc , but it’s not ok to keep accepting someone else saying they’ll buy it. Occasionally yes, frequently, no! That’s tight. Just don’t accept unless you pay back in some other non monetary way.

If you genuinely have no money at all, then that is a different matter! I don’t think people mind helping out then.

Could they sell it to a friend cheap, then split the difference.? So say, sell to friend for 300+admin, then he pays your daughter 150. So they are just out of pocket 150 each, friend gets a bargain holiday and it's more likely to sell.

If you read my post you'd have seen I save a chunk on payday so anything left at the END of the month is pocket money which I choose either to spend or save. Not hard is it?

There's a big difference between being tight and being frugal as others say; I am pretty frugal and love charity shops (I manage one ), wouldn't dream of buying clothes 'new' and don't 'eat out' just for the sake of it regularly. There was a thread on here a couple of weeks ago when a mumsnetters was taking a picnic on a day out and had no idea what a 'picnic' was.

But being tight would be not sharing a round, refusing to treat a friend to a coffee, insisting on a picnic on a freezing cold day in the park. If you have a choice (and I fully appreciate that not everyone does) it comes down to what you perceive as 'value for money'. I am a competent cook and can easily recreate restaurant quality food at home, I don't want or need to pay for 'entertainment' (concerts, theatre etc) but we paid off our mortgage in our 40s, DH retired early and I can afford to work part time.

people might think us 'tight' if we don't want to go to an expensive restaurant or holiday but generally who cares what other people think, if you have confidence in your own choices then it really doesn't matter.

See, I agree with your last sentence generally, but I don’t think he’s being ‘tight’ in that specific scenario, especially if he’s picking up the whole dinner bill. It’s just different priorities again. I think food and drink is worth spending money on and paying for parking to avoid a walk isn’t (unless it’s monsoon weather).

I have a limited amount of money and make sure I allocate it for what us best for my family. I've been called tight before, but I don't care. I refuse to go away on hen weekends, don't like going out for dinner, don't have recent tech to name a few. I have friends that would prioritise the hen weekend because that is their thing. It's horses for courses really.

I think there is a difference but it sometimes overlaps. If you can't afford an outing or a meal out and arrive expecting or hoping other people will pay for you that can be seen as being 'tight'. If you can't afford it you shouldn't go. People who don't pay for their round at the bar are the worst.
Nothing wrong with charity shops and there's been a definite shift in the last few years, it's recognised as being environmentally friendly to shop there.

I don’t think it’s necessarily tight to have money left over and not spend it, saving money rather than just frittering it away because you’ve got some left at the end of the month is just sensible.

I think being tight is having the money but expecting other people to foot your bill, despite being able to afford it.

I love a charity shop too by the way and buy loads of things second hand, it makes my money go further and it’s more environmentally friendly too.

I do sometimes think people prioritize different things and others can’t see the perspective

for example if a friend asked me for a drink and it was a tight month, I’d still go and buy a single pint of cider and make it last, and the friend would probably buy me another drink or two as if they were skint, I’d do the same. And the £3/4 or whatever I’d just have to knock off the budget for that month - probably come off the food shop. To me that isn’t the difference between eating and not eating but to some people I know it is.

however lots of people would think going to the pub for a pint with a friend is a waste of £3 or whatever and it could be saved or whatever, and would say no I can’t come out, I’ve not saved any money this month. To me that’s not skint that’s just not prioritizing people - that pint and a chat could be the thing that saves a friends mental health or gets them through a tough time, but that’s my own perspective and priorities not someone else’s

Your ex is an idiot. As well as being ethical shopping from charity shops can be fun. And being frugal is sensible, whereas being tight is miserly and mean. Two completely different things.

I probably do a few things that would be considered tight on here - but then thankfully so do my friends.

For example I've read here that if you book something and it has say a £5 per head deposit, it's tight to ask for that money back from a friend. But I'd always do that unless I was treating.

Also on holiday with friends we now use splitwise so all drinks etc end up
Getting shared out cost wise - tight - maybe but very fair.

Yes I agree, knowing something is out of your budget and declining and invite is sensible/understandable.

Another example is we didn’t get new furniture for our baby’s room. In fact it’s not finished - we have ikea Kallax in flat pack (ok so that was new but about £30!) still to assemble and a second hand wardrobe I got free, sanded painted and up cycled. I enjoyed the process of painting it, changing the handles etc and would do it again! Plus it only cost about £12 for materials. We haven’t got a cot or a changing table, baby sleeps in a next to me bed and I change her on the floor where she won’t accidentally roll off! However a friend was talking about how they are due their baby in September and are having to forgo their planned weekend away in summer as they’ve spent a fortune on the nursery. To them that’s what you do - you are having a baby, you go to John Lewis and buy the whole furniture set, everything matches and it’s unthinkable to not have the nursery ‘done’. To me it’s not a priority and I’d rather have the money to go away for a few days! Or in our case we have used that money we didn’t spend on a new dishwasher. Whether this makes me terrible I don’t know but another example of different levels of not being the same in priorities. Truly skint is not being able to even afford the tin of paint to paint a free wardrobe because you wouldn’t have the money for the electric meter that week if you bought it.

I think being ‘tight’ means being unkind with money. Eg always letting other people buy you things and not buying back. (But not explaining at the start that you cannot buy back, and allowing them to choose whether to spend anyway.)

It shouldn’t ever be tight to chose not to spend money on something because you are sensible and either don’t want it or want to spend the money elsewhere or save it. Or because you can’t afford it.

I hate when people are made to feel tight.
Insisting people spend is like forcing people to eat or to drink alcohol when they say they don’t want to.

*Being tight is having money left over from bills etc and not spending it.

Being unable to afford anything is having no money left or a stonking big overdraft/debt that you have to use.

I like charity shops cos I like my money, hope this helps. I'm similarly frugal.*

I was responding to this post dear. You don't mention anything about saving.

My father was what you would consider tight. Heating low, never bought takeaway coffees, would walk to avoid paying for parking, steamed stamps off envelopes, etc. He was also incredibly generous- gave away very large sums of money both to charity and to struggling friends/acquaintances, and did it with no hint of a string attached.

His priorities were for paying for what he considered important: education, certain cultural things, caring for people who were in trouble. He hated wasting money on things he considered unimportant. I don't find that tight.