To think adult conversations are all boasting

[Lilaone]

I'm mid 30s and every time I hang out with people around my age and older these days I've noticed all people talk about is about all the things they own, how successful they are, how well travelled they are, and how wonderful and how perfect their children are in comparison to others. What a bore. I've stopped catching up with some of my old uni friends from 15 odd years ago recently because they're all just trying to outdo each other and drop hints to suggest they're more successful than everyone else.

I went to a relative's Jubilee street party this weekend, tried to chat with the neighbours and every person was just blowing their own trumpets loud and proud with absolutely zero interest in getting to know anyone else - all just talking at each other. My favourite was a woman in her 60s who cornered me and non-stop talked AT me for 30 mins without me saying a word or me even introducing myself! She was an ex teacher whose students all passed their music exams with distinctions and apparently regularly went onto play for the London Philharmonic Orchestra, her husband (who was 'well off enough' to retire at 58) won a tennis tournament on Friday (he's ever so good at racquet sports) and treated her to a meal out at the town's fanciest restaurant to celebrate, she owns a holiday home in Devon and an apartment in the south of France, she's paying £10k for her son's honeymoon, and her 5yo granddaughter is the greatest ballet dancer who has ever lived. Why have people not got any self awareness that this so self absorbed and boring?

This is not my experience at all - I think you have been unlucky in your encounters.

I don't find this very often with people I speak to, and never with friends (although I do suspect that "sharing good things in your life" are translated as "boasting" by some people). I have overheard this kind of conversation on trains though, by the end of the journey I could write a book about one of the speakers and nothing at all about the other.

Sometimes when I really stop and analyse conversations, its just humans talking AT one another, often on their own topic entirely, though they still take it in turns to speak!! Almost comical when you realise just HOW many conversations are like that.. i try not to analyse. Because ‘almost comical’ is actively depressing some days.

I'm mid 30s and every time I hang out with people around my age and older these days I've noticed all people talk about is about all the things they own, how successful they are, how well travelled they are, and how wonderful and how perfect their children are in comparison to others.

You're hanging out with the wrong people, I think. I can honestly say, hand on heart, that none of my friends talk like this. Obviously they're proud of their kids and if I ask 'How was your holiday?' or 'How's work, are you still really busy?' they'll tell me about it, but definitely not boastful. We definitely never talk about how much stuff costs - I have absolutely no clue what my friends' houses or cars cost or anything like that. I know one of my friends' kids goes to a private school but she's never boasted about it - I only found out very recently that it was private because I asked her why one of her kids had different school holidays to others in the area.

Certainly not my experience either.

Yes when I worked in financial services every conversation was like that. I now try to avoid such people.

None of my actual good friends are like this at all. It just seems to be people I've met recently through having a new job, weddings, other events.

(And old uni friends I've loosely stayed in touch with over the years who occasionally get together for a meet up or at weddings/birthdays)

This is definitely true of the area I live in. Most conversations revolve around the newest extension, car etc. All very boring. I think it's a symptom of developed countries like England as I've not noticed this in developing countries. The book Affluenza addresses this and is fascinating.

I've noticed this and it's depressing.

I'm never sure if I'm supposed to add my list of achievements to the 'conversation' or be a 'good listener' and ask them to tell me more about themselves.

Are you sure it’s not something you’re doing (maybe hanging around with weird crowds if nothing else).

This never happens to me. I doubt anyone who meets me feels they need to impress me with the details of their achievements or impressive stuff. They certainly don’t try to.

People might talk to me about their recent holiday for example. But that’s not boasting. It’s just conversation about what they’ve been up to.

Actually, my husband (STBX) is a dreadful boaster. He’s always telling me how bloody amazing he is. Or how amazing his dad is. Seriously, like I care that he was ‘a managing director of FTSE 100 firm’, or that H ‘set up a function in a FTSE 100 firm’; I’m not interviewing him for a job, or his dad for that matter. It’s tedious and exhausting. But it is just him rather than a widespread issue I encounter. And I don’t think he does it widely. It’s just me that got to enjoy his boasting and bullshit.

No, no, it’s 50% boasting and 50% complaining. 😆

It’s low self esteem quite often. I agree it’s excruciatingly boring. I hate people who just talk about themselves and sadly I know quite a few!

Yes, I've noticed this recently too. I expect it was happening before I noticed it, but now I've seen it I can't unsee it. 90% of conversations are people monologuing at each other about their latest purchase/achievement.

One of my relatives is the most unbelievable 'Johnny two sheds'. It gives a fascinating insight in to the things that she's clearly jealous and insecure about, which I imagine wasn't her intention.

A group of engineers, early to late 30s we worked with were so competitive in their work and even their conversation. So tiring.
Only consolation is they were an extraordinary brilliant as engineers/designers. My DH and I were left trailing in the dust.

Not really my experience - work colleagues we discuss: work, how difficult work is, which social workers have left this week, HRT, hot flushes, what we did during half term, cats, parents various illnesses, comfy shoes!

With my mates: usually where to go to drink, what to drink, how vile and also ace our teens are, sex, where to go next to drink, what to drink there, sex, our twatty neighbours, sex, politics, where to go next, sex, sex, cunts we don't like, sex ( as the night wears on)

I'm a dull 52 years old

yeah I think you are hanging out with the wrong people

I suspect it may seem that way because with people you haven't seen for a while you are often updating them on what's been happening in your lives over the last few years - eg if people have got a new job, moved house or been on a nice holiday, this is what they are going to talk about .

Talk around the mundane or problems in your life normally happens with your closest friends or family .

I noticed this with Uni and school friends if we'd meet up after a while - everyone was trying to let everyone else know how well they were doing. I agree it is boring. And I felt very unsuccessful by comparison. But my good friends weren't like this.

I have known people like this, but thankfully it’s not everyone.

I can't bear people who boast. When I was randomly mixing with all kinds of people I'd met through playgroups and primary school, I often found myself lumbered with these types but over the years I've weeded them out. I wasn't brought up to blow my own trumpet and when I'm in the company of a bragger I'm at a total disadvantage - I just can't bring myself to do likewise. I am competitive, though, so this is stressful for me!

To boast (especially about your wealth and possessions) is just he most vulgar thing I can imagine. But then, only insecure people do it - seriously high achievers don't need to.

Just stop hanging out with basic bitches. They sound so boring!

Phew thanks for posting this, I thought it was just me who was thinking this!
You've definitely noticed something and I'd like to try to add my observations which might shed some light on this (or maybe not).

I've been aware of this for the last 10/20 years and tend to avoid people that go down this conversational path. As you have mentioned the problem is that there is a real scarcity of these people around.

We've recently moved out of London after having a kid along with what seems like half of London. We've moved to an area that is popular with these leavers.
Dare I say it but I have mentioned to my partner (who is from the place that we have now moved to) that if I had known I was moving to East Dulwich/Clapham then I wish we would have picked somewhere else. I'm joking of course (kind of).

From the people I've met who are from here (who are more my type of people), a lot less of them have these particular traits. Yummy Mummy, tiger parent (whatever the phrase is that is commonly used) seems to be less of a thing among people who are from here. Not that it isn't there, but the locals here really do seem to not have the same levels of self aggrandisement/boastfulness/mememe chat that I'm used to.

I also think it's an age thing which I noticed with my uni mates. Mid 30s is when you'll probably start to do well, get promoted, get more responsibility etc. Obvious caveat with those having a child/multiple children obvs! And it's at this point when I noticed egos starting to spin a bit out of control. As I'm a bit older, add on the fact that social media indulges the sad human trait that some people really want to be stars in their won lives and want to feel special, I think these issues bleed into each other.

But ultimately it comes down to one thing, is the person who you speak to have any sense of self deprecation as a tool of their chat? That appears to be the main marker that sets people apart for me at least. One of the people I have met down here who I really like is a classic yummy mummy type. University, lived in London and moved here, has a good job in property, has multiple kids, is successful and....takes the piss out of herself.

It's a very rare trait and one that is only to rare IMO. Oh well.

No - people often talk about what's on television or what the weather is like, or spectator sports such as football, to name just three of many popular subjects for conversation.

Definitely met people like this but fortunately it’s not the norm in my circles