To think adult conversations are all boasting

[Lilaone]

I'm mid 30s and every time I hang out with people around my age and older these days I've noticed all people talk about is about all the things they own, how successful they are, how well travelled they are, and how wonderful and how perfect their children are in comparison to others. What a bore. I've stopped catching up with some of my old uni friends from 15 odd years ago recently because they're all just trying to outdo each other and drop hints to suggest they're more successful than everyone else.

I went to a relative's Jubilee street party this weekend, tried to chat with the neighbours and every person was just blowing their own trumpets loud and proud with absolutely zero interest in getting to know anyone else - all just talking at each other. My favourite was a woman in her 60s who cornered me and non-stop talked AT me for 30 mins without me saying a word or me even introducing myself! She was an ex teacher whose students all passed their music exams with distinctions and apparently regularly went onto play for the London Philharmonic Orchestra, her husband (who was 'well off enough' to retire at 58) won a tennis tournament on Friday (he's ever so good at racquet sports) and treated her to a meal out at the town's fanciest restaurant to celebrate, she owns a holiday home in Devon and an apartment in the south of France, she's paying £10k for her son's honeymoon, and her 5yo granddaughter is the greatest ballet dancer who has ever lived. Why have people not got any self awareness that this so self absorbed and boring?

I used to be confused when my parents would sadly come back from an event saying all their friends wanted to talk about was money - how much they had, their pensions, the value of their house, their children's earnings etc etc. Never understood it. Now at 40ish I am seeing it happen with previously interesting people! God it's terrible. Thankfully most people I actually like aren't going down this path.

What's the best way to respond? "That's nice." "That doesn't sound like any of my business." "Have you read any good books lately?" "There's so much more to life than money though isn't there"?

People are bombarded with images of what success looks like. Happiness isn't sufficient, everything has to be perfect, career, home, children, or you've failed life. As no one can achieve perfection, the next best thing is to be doing better than the people around you, and making sure they know about it.

Sounds bad but we went to a jubilee party and thinking over the conversations it wasn’t this

Ha, I actually tend to agree with you. I have met many people like this. You are obviously a 'good listener'.

I wonder what happens when two totally self-absorbed people have a conversation. In fact, at the next event where I encounter two self-absorbed me-me-mes, I'm going to introduce them to each other, then stand back and see if they implode.

Yep .

Not the norm among my friends.we would talk about all sorts

• politics/world events etc
• investments
• sport

-tv/films/music

• food/drink
• hobbies
• holidays but not in a boasty way, more a "oh have you tried that child friendly resort x recommended?" Way
• mutual friends/gossip etc

Yep, definitely noticed this amongst acquaintances, and, yes it's bloody boring.

Yes I think a lot of people are like this, and also agree about the talking "at" people rather than "to" them.

It probably depends to some extent where you live and how affluent the people are in your area.

There are a lot of people like this but not the majority I think! But getting more common. I have a group of friends from uni who are like this and I have really limited my contact with them because of it, as it is as boring as hell!

I’m very sensitive to this too. I think lots of people don’t understand the art of good conversation. It’s important to ask questions about the person you are talking to, and not just so that you can react to tell them more stuff about yourself. I love meeting new people and asking them about themselves but it’s a good test of who they are if I walk away from a conversation without answering a single question about myself. That said, I do sometimes like chatting to people that you can just “wind up and let go” who require minimal input into their stream of consciousness! You can relax and make all the right noises.

I think you need to upgrade your friends!
We met up for cocktails on Sat (late 40s early 50s) no boasting at all topics were

• getting stuck abroad and funny stories


• falling in rivers


• car accidents involving teens (sadly topical)


• teen outrageous clothes


• false accusations and what to do about them balanced against believe the victim


• top gun for and against toxic masculinity why Kelly McGill’s not iN it

think I am lucky !

Finally someone who's noticed this too!!! I've met so many braggers too and questioned myself before if it's parents over praising or narcissistic traits being passed down at an increasing rate genetically or socially.

I knew someone who boasted ALL THE TIME. He'd say he's unusually fast minded compared to everyone else, how his wife would say he's so clever when doing stuff as she was so impressed with his skills, that he could commit murder and get away with it as he's clever, that he was a great judge of character, that his children were bright like him, that he smashed an interview like he knew he would as he's so clever...
He'd compete with everyone all the time even celebrities not accepting that people are all different and everyone has strengths and weaknesses.

He literally said all that stuff like I've written it and seemed to believe it so much he'd patronise me and seem jealous at anything others achieved. I realised it was actually toxic as I noticed he'd even boast when others luck was low e.g if someone failed an interview he'd gloat he'd have passed it! 🥱

I used to think how can you shamelessly boast like that?! All I want from others is a chat and laugh. I'm not all that bothered either way about others achievements. I've never understood his mindset.

Ironically it makes me view him as a bit thick as he can't see the bigger picture, empathise or see what's really important in life! 🙄

I work in a place like this and they can’t deal with anyone telling jokes. If you say something out of the order of things, they just can’t cope because why aren’t you talking about your new car or holiday or extension.

I avoid people like this, but yesterday at a function I couldn't help but overhear a woman telling a hugely self-aggrandising story about how she used to work an Chanel in the back office, and one day the manager asked her to do sales, and was so impressed that he promoted her. It was staggeringly egotistical. I just cannot understand the mindset that would make someone tell a story like that.

My husband does this 🙈

Not everyone does tho.

I think all the lockdowns have made this phenomenon far worse, it's like people didn't get to say anything and now they want to say everything. I also think people get more confident with age as a general rule (or less prepared to put up with sh*t) so they will talk longer and louder, whereas when they were younger they might have been a bit shyer or had less to say. But a lot of the time I think it's about low confidence and esteem actually.

Social media also encourages a 'me, me, me, do you like this, do you like me?' attitude.

Yes I hear you OP. A friend I recently met up with did not stop boasting from start to finish from her expensive purchases, 5 * holiday, fancy restaurant visits, her husband’s huge salary etc - it was endless. It just seemed so superficial and shallow. It made me feel uncomfortable tbh as I am not a materialistic person.

It’s true of some people I’ve met, but not my close friends or family. We’re far more likely to moan about stuff that’s happened to us lately 😂

I work in financial services and topics of conversation today included Top Gun vs Top Gun: Maverick, football transfers, how much we all hate Boris, our local spineless MP, and Toby Carvery.

However some of the people I went to uni with went straight into banking, and can only talk about the shit they buy with all the money they earn working 60 hour weeks because they have no time for friends or hobbies.

I think most neurotypical people do this, yes. It's one of the main reasons I try to avoid them. It always feels like uncomfortable one upping. Every time I get a train I just absolutely cringe at what passes for 'conversation'. It's literally just people peacocking and monologuing about how great they are.

There's also this weird tendency to try to show off to strangers. I was on the Overground yesterday and a really annoying, obnoxious middle class family were sitting opposite. The mother was mocking me for wearing a mask (I have a very important hospital appointment coming up and don't want to miss it because of covid), speaking in (badly accented) French, thinking I wouldn't understand. They then moved onto discussing an arthouse film that's been released, with the woman switching between French and English for no apparent reason other than to show off and seem cultured. I was the only other person in earshot. When it was time for me to get off, I said, loudly and in French "I just saw that the other day and to be honest, I found it a bit disappointing...not up to the director's usual standard, but well, you might like it." I have never seen anyone look so utterly mortified.

That must have been an extremely satisfying moment. I hope she cringed all the way home.

It was like one of those moments that only happen on TV or something. I wouldn't normally have such a quick comeback but the conversation about the film went on for so long that I was able to formulate the perfect response in my head! Her teenage children looked so, so embarrassed. Lots of angry whispering as I got off the train!

It's that age group. By 50 you don't give a shit.

I think we've been talked at by the same people