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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be dubious about being second choice (work)

75 replies

BeatieBourke · 05/06/2022 23:52

Posting for last minute traffic. More of a WWYD - sorry.

I'm about to start a new job. As in, tomorrow.

Tonight I've been looking through emails I've been sent ahead of my first day, getting a grip on my priorities for tomorrow. Email access was sorted last week just prior to the four day bank holiday weekend and it's taken a few days for everything to be synchronised and get through.

I've been included in an email group that discusses my recruitment. This is obviously an error. I didn't know what I was reading until I'd read it. It wasn't obvious from the subject title, and who expects such an obvious oversight of confidentiality / good practice? They've dropped a clanger.

Its clear from the email that I was the second choice candidate. The first choice person was trying to negotiate a salary considerably above the highest advertised band. It's a small third sector organisation so not huge amounts of money sloshing around.

So, I was obviously second choice. It's a bit shit to find this out the day before starting, and to know I shouldn't know, if that makes sense. Its a great job. I thought I was a good fit, although I didn't feel "got the job" vibes at interview so was surprised when they offered it to me. I thought I must have impressed them more than I realised. Now I feel like a bit of an idiot.

WWYD? I can't tell them I know (although I did think I could say "I suspect I wasn't the first choice candidate, I just got that vibe"). I still got the job. But now I feel like I'm not their first choice and am starting from a tricky place with even more to prove than usual.

The job is a step up for me but one I think (thought) I'm capable of. I wish I didn't have this information but don't know how to process it now I do.

Would you back out? Would you address it? How would you get past this I'm your first week in a new job?

Its my first full time career type job since having kids so I'm probably a bit more nervous than I would otherwise be, I that helps to make sense of my thought process.

OP posts:
Thatswhyimacat · 05/06/2022 23:58

There must be millions of people in this position who never know it.

I know it's awkward but if the other candidate was trying to negotiate way above the bracket then chances are they were massively overqualified or a time waster - it says nothing about your own suitability for the job. The best fit for a role is a range of variables and you were ultimately the one who worked best for the role offered.

Companies don't offer to the second choice candidate if they don't also think they're good enough. They go back out for more interviews - I've seen this happen dozens of times. I've seen situations where they 'had' to hire a candidate because they objectively scored better on internal HR forms and business needs, but the interviewer actually preferred another candidate and hoped they would apply again in the future. You impressed them and they were happy to hire you.

MarmiteCoriander · 06/06/2022 00:01

Its a tricky one! No great words of wisdom I'm afraid. Did you try negotiating any higher or just take what they offered? I'd be inclined to reply back saying something like 'I'm just checking if this email was intended for me???'

The other half of me says crack on, enjoy the job and bring it up in years to come part or once you know your boss better.

MarmiteCoriander · 06/06/2022 00:06

I meant to say that a colleague in my team interviewed multiple candidates over several days, appointed one and thought nothing more. 2 mths on, when they started, they weren't the one she had chosen at all!!! Whether she had made an error or HR had in getting paperwork or names wrong, we never knew! The candidate started off slow, but went on to do very well and was likely the better candidate in the end.

AlizeeEasy · 06/06/2022 00:08

I found out I was the second choice candidate a few months after I started at my current job. My boss was telling us about someone she recruited who was rude and ended up not taking the job, I asked if this was for my position and after an awkward few moments she confessed that it was. I’ve been at the job now for 5 years and love it, I’m good at it and even though I was second choice I believe I was the right choice.

I’m willing to bet the only difference between first choice and second choice is one person ticked an extra box that you didn’t. If they didn’t think you were a good fit they wouldn’t offer it to you at all and would opt to advertise the job again, so please don’t take this as a negative against you. Hope all goes well for you.

ShandaLear · 06/06/2022 00:10

You were both appointable. They may have been offered it first because they had a skill or knowledge of a particular sector you don’t. The charity may have thought they were getting someone with loads of skills and experience for a bargain price. Ultimately, you may never know, and it doesn’t matter. I once went for a job where I pipped another candidate to be post because I had experience of working in an airport (in the bar, 30 years earlier 🙄) because I mentioned it by chance and it was a sector they wanted to get into.

Moonlaserbearwolf · 06/06/2022 00:11

Honestly, they wouldn't be employing you if they didn't like you or think you could do the job.
You'll never know the reason why someone else was offered the job before you, but it may have been a really close call. I used to interview for analyst roles and often went back to recruiters for more candidates if the ones I interviewed weren't suitable. I would never have hired someone unless I thought they'd be good in the role.

Moonlaserbearwolf · 06/06/2022 00:12

And good luck for tomorrow!

Bathtimehell · 06/06/2022 00:14

I would politely alert the person who sent you the email that you've received.

It's a bit shit, but lots of people have been in that position. I've worked in jobs where I've clearly not been the first choice but I just get my head down, do my best and show them that I actually was the best candidate after all.

Original poster
BeatieBourke · 06/06/2022 00:15

Thanks all. That's all quite reassuring. It's s bit of a mind bender the day before a new start I guess.

OP posts:
Thatswhyimacat · 06/06/2022 00:15

Also, I'm actually good friends with someone who after many years of working in the same industry I found out I'd beaten to an early role...she was incredibly competent and respected once eventually hired in the same company and now she works in a role more senior than mine...

PinkWisteria · 06/06/2022 00:16

I definitely wouldn't back out and there is absolutely no reason to feel an idiot. I have done a lot of recruitment and often there has been more than one candidate who would be a good fit for the post and it can come down to the smallest of margins when deciding who the post is offered to. Sounds like you feel 'second best' but agree with previous poster that you wouldn't have been offered the post unless unless they were impressed by you. Regarding the email, I would make your manager aware that it was sent to you in error (as they do need to look at their systems), but I would not make an issue about knowing you weren't their first choice. The job is yours so be proud of yourself and make the most of the opportunity. Good luck for your first day.

Aprilx · 06/06/2022 00:16

I would definitely not say “I suspect I was not first choice”, it will not lead to a productive conversation and will just be awkward for you and whomever you say it too. I think you should forget about it and get on with the new job, you wouldn’t be there if they didn’t want you there.

FirstFallopians · 06/06/2022 00:17

I work in recruitment for the 3rd sector, so have an idea of how the process works.

Do not bring up the fact you were second choice. Nothing good can come from it, and mentioning it like you suggested in your OP just comes across unprofessional and a bit woe-is-me.

Go in with your head held high and stop focusing on some other person who wasted their own time as well as the panel’s with unrealistic salary expectations.

SarahProblem · 06/06/2022 00:19

I understand it doesn't feel good but you were appointable to the role. They had the option not to appoint at all. You have no idea how 'close' it was.

If I were me I would just be honest and in your meeting with your new boss say 'I think there's been a confidentiality breach. I know I wasn't the first choice. I'd appreciate some feedback on my interview about where my gaps were' you might find there was very little in it.

ThinWomansBrain · 06/06/2022 00:19

Who knows, it could have been a really tough choice between the two of you in the first place.
I've recruited in the past and had the candidate turn it down - or start "negotiating" unreasonable demands - would only go to the second choice if that person was suitable and appointable.
Better to start the process again than place someone that you don't think is capable.

Loopyloopy · 06/06/2022 00:21

How many people applied for this job?

Ranking people in job applications is really hard. Lots of workplaces use a, scoring system, so as a pp mentioned, you may just be a point or so down.

They wouldn't have offered it to you if they didn't think you would be a good fit.

Namechanger355 · 06/06/2022 00:24

Often recruit for my team- this is so common and usually there is very little between the top and 2nd candidate eg someone has worked on a specific type of project before so can just get on with it.

but sometimes those candidates don’t understand the role or have unrealistic expectations so weren’t right in the end anyway

so our first choice is then someone else

but we would never recruit someone if we didn’t want them, didn’t like them or didn’t think they would be right for the role - so you got the role because you deserve it

jisr email them to say you don’t think the email was for you and leave it at that

walk in with your head held high

bridgetreilly · 06/06/2022 00:27

Honestly, most jobs get tons of appointable candidates. Being second is no big deal. Ignore it and go and do that job so well that they forget anyone else even applied.

pixie5121 · 06/06/2022 00:43

I think it's really odd you're even bothered.

Surely there's always a decent chance you weren't first choice? I'd always assume someone else might have turned it down, but being appointable means you met all the required criteria and they're confident you can do the job. That's always been enough for me, personally.

Definitely don't mention having seen the email...what good would that do?!

Barleysugar86 · 06/06/2022 00:48

I sat in on interviews with work where we all agreed on our first choice candidate- but unfortunately she accepted an offer elsewhere so we offered to our second choice. And honestly choice number 2 was an amazing person for the job and we were glad to have her. I think we all forgot she wasn't first choice very quickly! I wouldn't overthink it... this happens often and they wouldn't have offered it to you if they didn't like you also, they'd have reopened applications.

Rogue1001MNer · 06/06/2022 00:49

The thing is, it's really hard to tell from an interview.
So go in tomorrow and smash it and make them glad that this is the way the cookie crumbled.

Good luck

Footbelle · 06/06/2022 00:50

Forget you even read the email. You are the best fit for the role. They offered it to you and they had other options - come up with more money for the other person, re-advertise etc. Now show them you are the best fit! Good luck.

GoodThinkingMax · 06/06/2022 01:12

Do not mention it, especially not in the way you suggest in your OP @BeatieBourke Really, a lot of people are appointed as the second choice. It’s no big deal and do not mention it. You’ll come across as needy and whiney.

They appointed you. You only get appointed if you’re suitable and appointable.

I’ve often been on selection/interview committees where we’ve carefully ranked our 1st to 3rd choices, because we’re aware that our 1st choice won’t necessarily accept, or we found it really difficult to choose between 1st and 2nd choices, and so on.

This is your first job after being out of the work force - you’re going to need to learn to be professional - this isn’t personal.

JerichoGirl · 06/06/2022 01:25

It is unlikely to be the case that there was one appointable candidate. Very often there are several, and other times there are none.

You have every right to your job and will no doubt be great.

Lunar27 · 06/06/2022 01:39

Why does it matter? You've got the job.

I couldn't care less how I got the job as there are too many variables and whilst it's nice to feel that you are the very best person for a job, this is rarely, if ever the case.

Margins can be tiny between candidates so is a waste of time thinking about it. Enjoy the job and make the most of it.

However I'd feed this back and make them feel bad about it. It's a terrible error and one they should never repeat.