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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be dubious about being second choice (work)

75 replies

BeatieBourke · 05/06/2022 23:52

Posting for last minute traffic. More of a WWYD - sorry.

I'm about to start a new job. As in, tomorrow.

Tonight I've been looking through emails I've been sent ahead of my first day, getting a grip on my priorities for tomorrow. Email access was sorted last week just prior to the four day bank holiday weekend and it's taken a few days for everything to be synchronised and get through.

I've been included in an email group that discusses my recruitment. This is obviously an error. I didn't know what I was reading until I'd read it. It wasn't obvious from the subject title, and who expects such an obvious oversight of confidentiality / good practice? They've dropped a clanger.

Its clear from the email that I was the second choice candidate. The first choice person was trying to negotiate a salary considerably above the highest advertised band. It's a small third sector organisation so not huge amounts of money sloshing around.

So, I was obviously second choice. It's a bit shit to find this out the day before starting, and to know I shouldn't know, if that makes sense. Its a great job. I thought I was a good fit, although I didn't feel "got the job" vibes at interview so was surprised when they offered it to me. I thought I must have impressed them more than I realised. Now I feel like a bit of an idiot.

WWYD? I can't tell them I know (although I did think I could say "I suspect I wasn't the first choice candidate, I just got that vibe"). I still got the job. But now I feel like I'm not their first choice and am starting from a tricky place with even more to prove than usual.

The job is a step up for me but one I think (thought) I'm capable of. I wish I didn't have this information but don't know how to process it now I do.

Would you back out? Would you address it? How would you get past this I'm your first week in a new job?

Its my first full time career type job since having kids so I'm probably a bit more nervous than I would otherwise be, I that helps to make sense of my thought process.

OP posts:

maddening · 06/06/2022 07:31

Our team has recently hired a new person, but another person benched also they would have totally taken her but the one that got it had a bit more expensive, they knew another role would be coming up so told.her it was no this time bit we definitely wanted her once a new role was open and she has since been offered the new role

They must have liked you to offer it, the fact the other guy was negotiating means he.probably had experience at that level, you know it is a step up, but they must reckon you are up for it and a good fit or they would just re-advertise.

Take the opportunity and run with it now.

Darbs76 · 06/06/2022 07:34

They definitely shouldn’t have included you in the email, I’d reply and say I think I’ve been copied in by mistake. But there’s no shame in being second choice, why would you not take the job because of that? We always take 2nd candidates when first one declines, they don’t usually know but we also run waiting lists so staff know they aren’t top choice but happy to wait to be offered a position. Completely normal with recruitment

BeautifulWar · 06/06/2022 07:39

Don't cut off your nose to spite your face. It sounds like a good opportunity and they must have liked you to have hired you into a role that's a step up and after a career break. I understand it must feel horrible, but just try to put it out of mind and have a great first day.

Classicblunder · 06/06/2022 07:43

I have offered roles to second choice candidates but honestly never without being sure that they are capable of doing the job. If not, I rerun the recruitment

PriestessofPing · 06/06/2022 07:44

In my team they’ve gone out again if there was no suitable candidate after ‘first choice’. My own job i’ve been told I was the preferred candidate from the interview but there was someone else who gave me a run for my money and we actually both got asked for a third interview. I was offered the job but they would have been equally as happy with the other person if i’d turned it down.

The fact that the other candidate didn’t respect that the budget was limited and tried to push for more shows that, after all, they weren’t the best fit for your new organisation - so you became the new first choice.

DDivaStar · 06/06/2022 07:49

I would put it yo the back of your mind but the other candidate might have ticked alot of boxes but doesn't sound like they were a good fit in the role.

I would bring it up with anyone you could contact onlynthe person who originated the email to let them know the mistake. In all honesty, it was a mistake, it happens, take this opportunity and run with it.....

I completely understand your nervousness I can remember starting a new job when my daughter was 1 (previous company folded when I was 3 months pregnant). You can do this.

DDivaStar · 06/06/2022 07:50

Wouldn't bring it up !

onelittlefrog · 06/06/2022 07:50

Aprilx · 06/06/2022 00:16

I would definitely not say “I suspect I was not first choice”, it will not lead to a productive conversation and will just be awkward for you and whomever you say it too. I think you should forget about it and get on with the new job, you wouldn’t be there if they didn’t want you there.

This!

Definitely don't bring it up, how could your manager actually repsond to this in a way that would be helpful?? It's just awkward.

You were obviously appointable or they wouldn't have given you the job at all. I wouldn't worry about it.

Savoury · 06/06/2022 08:13

Ignore and carry on!

I can’t count the number of times we’ve failed to recruit the top choice due to salary expectations, references, sticky contractual points. Sometimes inflated salary requests show that the person was more senior than we expected so not actually suitable, or that they’re chancing it - nothing wrong with either but not a great fit.

Have a great day and pretend you never read the mail.

BlooberryBiskits · 06/06/2022 08:35

Totally agree with this

OP - your pride may be slightly stung, but focus on the fact that you’ve secured a role which is a step up for you and so is a career building move and let this go

I’ve been ‘second choice’ several times in my career (including last job, where my direct report told me!!). As long as I’m getting the skills/experience I need what does it matter. Recruiting is like buying a house etc: you pick best of what’s on market at any one time, not all offers accepted etc : and a waste of time /energy to second guess, just move on and up!

MarmiteCoriander · 06/06/2022 21:39

OP- How did your 1st day go today?

PinkArt · 06/06/2022 23:41

Anne Hathaway was the ninth choice for The Devil Wears Prada. Ninth! Go for it with Anne Hathaway energy!

linenalltheway · 06/06/2022 23:56

The other person was probably over-qualified/over-experienced and chancing their arm that they would regrade the post higher and pay more.

So you are actually the first choice at the correct level for this post.

Forget the other person and enjoy your new job

Notanotheruser111 · 07/06/2022 00:03

I went back to work after a decade out with kids. I found out 3 weeks in that the first choice had pulled out at the last minute. It was a bit of a confidence knock but I’ve had good feedback from management and colleagues.

i work with a colleague who dazzled at the interview and who is being performance managed out. So IMO It’s not about how u get there but how you do the job.

Zpoa · 07/06/2022 00:11

I came third in a job. I just thought I was incredibly lucky to have gotten it!

holdingonforahero · 07/06/2022 00:33

I'm in this position just now OP. And you know what? It doesn't make the slightest bit of difference. You were appointed. But recruitment is just a very small , initial part of the story.
It's starts tomorrow. It's up to you to live up to the task and prove your are worth it. Good luck

Raquelos · 07/06/2022 02:12

I often recruit people and I can't tell you how common it is to end up bringing in the 2nd person offered when the first person doesn't go the distance. What I can tell you with absolute truth is that the moment the first choice is no longer available they are gone from my mind. I never offer a 2nd choice who isn't also very capable of doing the job and I never look at them as anything but the successful candidate once they have signed the contract.

You will be great and your employer is as excited about you joining as you should be. All the best!!

SunflowerGardens · 07/06/2022 02:42

Good luck with your new job! I wouldn't bring it up or make a thing of it. The recruitment stage is all just working out technicalities, they don't know you and it's not personal. Go in there and prove your worth

Yayayaya20 · 07/06/2022 02:48

The shoe is on the other foot here. I work alongside someone I know was interviewed at the same time as me and I was recruited then and them further down the line.

They’re much better than me!! I’m sure it will end up being the same for you. Good luck!!!

RagingWisteria · 07/06/2022 03:06

I would just go in there and prove that you should've been first choice. Good luck!!

Waxonwaxoff0 · 07/06/2022 05:24

I was second choice for my current job. The person they originally hired used the job as a "filler" before they went to university (didn't tell the bosses about it) and left after 6 months.

My boss tells me regularly it was one of his big mistakes and he should have hired me in the first place!

Original poster

BeatieBourke · 07/06/2022 23:50

Thanks so much for all the positive reinforcement! I've given my head a very due wobble. It was an odd thing to learn the night before starting a new role but doesn't really change anything as so many of you have articulated.

For anyone interested: I've had a great two days. It's odd - online interview and then working from home for the first few days - I've not actually met anyone in person yet and the space gives room to insecurity. But I think I can do this job well, make it work for me and the project. Just need to ditch the old imposter syndrome!

Thanks again. Fingers crossed I nail it!

OP posts:

Trisolaris · 07/06/2022 23:57

Well done OP!

we have just interviewed three excellent candidates. The third choice candidate would still be excellent in the role and would be offered it if the first and second choice rejected it. Sometimes you get an excellent group of candidates and sometimes you don’t.

spongedog · 08/06/2022 00:33

Apologies havent had time to read the thread, but have read your posts.

Pleased things have started well.

But yes definitely ditch the imposter syndrome. Presumably you applied for the job with a reasonable confidence that you could do most of it and you were honest about the bits you couldnt do? I am sure I was at least the 2nd candidate for my last 2 jobs (after a 7 year career break). And do you know what? I am very good at my jobs - in fact considered to be an expert. I am now looking to move on again hopefully back to a role that at least pays something similar to what I was on pre-DC. So best of luck. Please keep us posted.

Footbelle · 08/06/2022 23:00

I can totally relate to the insecurity due to be left a bit to my own devices/not actually meeting people face to face in a new job. I've found reaching out and asking to schedule a video call to discuss xyz helpful. People don't realise how unsure we can feel in a new role. In the office, you can learn so much just being around people.

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