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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Girl in boyish clothes = YES, boy in clothes that are even the tiniest bit feminine = NO!

104 replies

GrahameSylvia · 05/06/2022 19:37

Does anyone else think its a bit unreasonable that when dressing young kids (babies, toddlers, and perhaps also a bit older), a lot of people now seem to think that dressing girls in slightly more boyish clothes (blue, dinosaur print, stuff with 'strong girl' etc printed on it) is great, progressive, cool etc. But that if you put your baby or toddler boy in one item that is even the slightest bit feminine, even when paired with other boy-ish stuff (I'm talking blue dungarees with a tiger on them and a vest that has gone a tiny bit peach colored in the wash) people instantly assume they are a girl and / or are made quite uncomfortable and ask why your kid is dressed as a girl??

I'd say we dress our one year old somewhere between 'standard boy' and what we think of as neutral - not that this should matter. There is plenty of blue, brown green in his wardrobe, though also some yellow, brighter prints and the occasional bit of dark purple or fawn. But anytime he has the slightly 'girlier' things on everyone calls him she. We've also had a couple of instances of relatives (not always older ones) being uncomfortable or mocking him / us when he's been dressed in supposedly 'girly' things e.g. a red cardigan, a bonnet with earflaps instead of a beanie, dungarees printed with sweetcorns.

Since then I've started to look round and noticed that even in our relatively progressive, affluent bit of the world some girls are dressed very femininely, but plenty are dressed in stuff that is boyish or neutral and everyone still assumes they are girls. But every boy is wearing camouflage, sludge colours and vehicle prints. The same extends to toys, plenty of girl toddlers being encouraged to play with lego and cars and get muddy, but parents at our local affluent play cafe actively discouraging boys from picking up dolls or dollhouses - despite the fact that most of these girls will grow up to own cars and drive and the boys will own houses and have babies.

So why do all these progressive folks feel it is okay and positive for girls to be 'boyish' but still seem to be (consciously or unconsciously) very against their little boys being the slightest bit feminine?

Has anyone else seen the same / seen different / think its unreasonable to condition little boys to be against anything 'soft', 'feminine' or 'caring'? Doesn't feminism / progress cut both ways?

OP posts:
Phineyj · 06/06/2022 20:06

The John Lewis PJs were more expensive than supermarket ones but they have lasted 2 years - roomy!

pastaparadise · 06/06/2022 20:28

Yes it really annoys me. The accepted version of what boys 'should' wear/ be like/ enjoy is so narrow. As mum to 2 young ds's, I worry that if they don't fit a traditional male mould, they will struggle to fit in. Girls seem to have a bit more leeway.

Over the age of 2 basically boys clothes are fairly dark/ camo/ grey/ predator animals/ vehicles/ gaming/ super heroes. I have to hunt to find colourful clothes if I don't want to pay for frugi or boden etc. I do look in girls sections but dc are old enough to notice and care now- my son was told his t shirt was girly as it had a rainbow on it. I can only see it getting worse as they get older.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/06/2022 00:18

What about an avocado. I'm going female with that. yeah they're quite "in" with smiley faces and personality so girls @WooNoodle
Tomato - male? yeah, it's a hardy thing isn't it. Stumpy and stout. Boy.
Asparagus- unisex? hmmm prob girl if I had to pick. Delicately waving about in a pot of butter.
Mushrooms are for boys right? Like tomatoes.
Pineapples are funky so girls.
Apples are surely unisex but what of oranges?
Bananas have attitude. Boys.

Moosake · 07/06/2022 08:16

SleepingStandingUp · 07/06/2022 00:18

What about an avocado. I'm going female with that. yeah they're quite "in" with smiley faces and personality so girls @WooNoodle
Tomato - male? yeah, it's a hardy thing isn't it. Stumpy and stout. Boy.
Asparagus- unisex? hmmm prob girl if I had to pick. Delicately waving about in a pot of butter.
Mushrooms are for boys right? Like tomatoes.
Pineapples are funky so girls.
Apples are surely unisex but what of oranges?
Bananas have attitude. Boys.

Cauliflowers must be for girls as you know.. flower.

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