To think this is wrong...parents leaving kids during sleepover

[Maves]

There are a lot of other issues with this family but recently found this out...the first time my child (12) went for a sleepover at her friends house the parents told them around 8.30pm they were "going to the office" (15/20) mins away.
Anyway the dad came back 2 hours later his dc ask where's mum "at the pub" he said.
The mum in dc words "stumbles in" later slurring saying "sorry it's been a shit night I think I have covid" she was pissed up.
So basically they hadn't entertained the kids at any point just lied they were going to the office at 8.30 at night and fucked off to get pissed.

She had left my dc and her friend (12) and their other dc (9) bare in mind she has to get babysitters for her kids when they go out. I'm pissed off this is just the final nail on a big fuck off coffin with these people. When I have sleepovers I cook, try and plan activities etc if the kids want to but I would never in a million years leave someone's child unattended!! Especially at night time! The kids are only really just 12 so not even 12/13.

I've not said anything yet for the kids sake but should I? Apart from this the woman is honestly unbearable anyway....this incident happened a few months ago before any other incident o didn't know her beforehand as it's a friend my dc made when starting secondary.

[Sunnyjac]

Contact safeguarding at school about her kids and never let yours stay over again

[olympicsrock]

Not right. Don’t let your child go there again

[Sleepingb]

I wouldn't plan activities for my 11 year old, no. They'd rather die than do a parent planned activity at a sleepover.

But the rest is a bit grim. I wouldn't mind them being on their own for an hour or so but not til that time in charge of a 9 year old.

[StillWeRise]

this is very wrong
I won't post the details as they are very specific but local to me this ended in a visiting child dying- I think lack of entertainment is the least of your worries

[Tinkerblonde1]

@Sleepingb

I wouldn't plan activities for my 11 year old, no. They'd rather die than do a parent planned activity at a sleepover.

But the rest is a bit grim. I wouldn't mind them being on their own for an hour or so but not til that time in charge of a 9 year old.

I agree with this.

[MRex]

I'm thinking back to an earlier generation, but we would have frequently been on our own for a few hours at that age. Ideally she would do nice activities, tell you if they were going out so you could prep DD etc, but they are 12 not 6, and were left for a couple of hours not all night. They might have gone to work before the pub too, you don't actually know them. I'd encourage future sleep-overs to be at your house in future regardless, just tell them you really enjoy hosting and they may be grateful.

[OppsUpsSide]

I never plan ‘entertainment’ for DC’s sleepover, the sleepover is the entertainment. Especially at the age of 12!

[Babymamamama]

Yabu to let your DC stay with them in the first place.

[MacaroniBaloney]

Agree planned entertainment is not required at that age, but an adult in the house certainly is!

[Owlilac]

It's not right, but I don't know why you expect parents to entertain 12 year olds at a sleepover, at that age, even before that age, I'd expect the kids to just do their own thing in their rooms or whatever.

[Maves]

By activities I mean movie night, Jewellery making etc I don't mean I sit there with them more I get stuff in rather than sit there having a sing song but that's obviously not the point I was painting a picture that I make an effort to make sure the kids have a nice time.....I'm not bothered about it being outting...there are a lot of other issues recently with them, and this has only just come to light as my child didn't want to tell me at the time.

[FlissyPaps]

IMO, 12 is an appropriate age for children to be left on their own for a few hours. Granted the doors are locked, the know how to safely use and switch off appliances and know who to contact in case of an emergency.

However, It was inappropriate of the mother to get pissed up and return shouting about covid infront of the children.

If you’re uncomfortable with the whole set up, don’t allow your child to sleepover there again. Or wait until she’s a couple of years older like 14/15 to sleep there again.

[Maves]

Ffs by entertain I actually mean feed them and check on them etc there's a lot of emphasis here on my entertaining but my dc/friends actually enjoy that sort of thing!! They don't just all sit on their phones and. Friends are over they make cakes/draw etc so always make sure I have stuff. This was the first time my dc had stayed at their house which I think makes it worse as well. Yes they are 12 but left in charge of a 9 year old and a dog and a very big house which based on where it iis is also a prime target for break ins, all doors were unlocked.

[Stompythedinosaur]

She should have checked you were OK with them leaving your dc for a few hours.

[Maves]

The point is she didn't txt to see if it was ok to leave MY CHILD!! She should have been there not off getting pissed up the sleepover was pre arranged so no excuse

[FlissyPaps]

Ffs by entertain I actually mean feed them and check on them

But entertaining is very different to feeding and checking on them.

You’re obviously very upset about this, so just be thankful your child is now safe in your care. Just don’t allow your child to go there again.

If you’re genuinely concerned and worried about the welfare and safety of your child’s friend and their sibling (9 yo) then speak to social services.

[Lunificent]

I think you just stumbled into another world where this sort of thing is normal.
Just don’t have your child sleep over there until they’re old enough to be left alone.

[FreezyFreezy]

I wouldn't get pissed but I would happily leave 11+ y olds alone for an hour or two. When my dc have friends over, either just for a visit or to stay over, I leave them to it rather than try to entertain them. The only thing I do is provide food and make sure they're not trashing the place.

[Maves]

Wish I'd never said entertain 😂 my kids love that sort of thing though and their friends love me but everyone's different, the 9 year old has a condition not serious but he needs seeing to a lot so not an easy child...there are honestly so many other incidents that have gone on, I just feel for her kids as they are lovely but her own child has voiced concerns over thier parebts behaviour.

[Sleepingb]

It will be quite normal for a lot of y7s to be left. I think you ought to also take some agency in checking yourself what a parent expects to be doing if you're not comfortable with a 12 year old alone. (In charge of younger kids not withstanding)


Maybe yours is a bit younger if they'll be making jewellery and drawing at a sleepover - most wouldn't still be at that stuff. (Not that it's a bad thing at all but maybe the differences in 12 year olds and 12 year olds is part of the issue.)

I think that transition from primary to high school where you know less about the kids is trickier. They gain so much independence and everyone's boundaries are different

[Maves]

I make Jewellery? So does my 14 year old who also acts 20 and goes to parties etc so the "activities" are something anyone would do? I don't force them stuffs there if they want to do it though they still make tilk Toks and all that crap as well. Anyway like I said this is a long line of crap the most recent example taking the dc to an "activity" drinking doubles then driving them and (mine) home their dc had to tell them to not have any more as they had to drive home (in the dark)
Obviously after the latest thing they won't be going in a car with them again let alone stopping at theirs.

[RandomQuest]

The entertainment thing is a red herring. You may do it and the kids enjoy it, which is great, but it’s certainly not a requirement at aged 12 and it’s not really relevant to what happened, which was actually pretty serious. You wouldn’t be posting if the parents had been present, sober but just hadn’t done any jewellery making and had instead left the kids to it in their room.

No I wouldn’t say anything, because it won’t changed what happened and it’ll only cause problems for your DC but it would be a flat no to ever sleeping over there again.

[ChocolateHippo]

I think they sound really grim.

Yes, I might leave a 12 year old alone, but I wouldn't leave a 12 year old having a sleepover with a friend (plus the 9 year old) to go and get drunk at the pub.

And yes, I might not 'organise' activities, but I would definitely have some fun stuff and special food in for them.

I wouldn't be letting my DC go there again.

[Sleepingb]

It's much trickier at high school to navigate other families.
I've a soon to be Y7 and I'm not looking forward to that bit. We are comfy with friends' parents and their common sense around our kids after 7 years of primary with them. I know other parents at high school will find me either too lax or surprisingly strict and I won't know!

At least you know now

And there's lots my kids will do behind closed doors that they wouldn't do with their friends now. As it's always been - I was the same til I got to an age to no longer give a shit!,

[Aimee1987]

@Sleepingb

I wouldn't plan activities for my 11 year old, no. They'd rather die than do a parent planned activity at a sleepover.

But the rest is a bit grim. I wouldn't mind them being on their own for an hour or so but not til that time in charge of a 9 year old.

This
10 year old DSS had a friend over yesterday and they were left to go play themselves- hanging out with parents is so uncool ( i dont even think you people use cool any more but i digress)
The rest is totally not ok. Stop letting her over there especially at night.