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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sulking over sex?

82 replies

tranquilrain · 05/06/2022 16:30

DP and I had just started having sex when DS (not his child) came in unexpectedly from waking up from a nap. We heard him coming.

DS had woken up in a bad mood and was having a tantrum and being generally unreasonable. It took a few minutes to calm him and he said he wanted to try and sleep again (he hadn't napped for long). Put him down and went back in to the bedroom.

We went to continue having sex but I said I wasn't in the mood. DP said okay but immediately became cold. His car was elsewhere and he had somewhere to be so we got in the car and he didn't say a word to me whilst driving.

When I dropped him off he said he didn't want to see me for the rest of the day (we don't like together) as he won't be over "it" yet.

I asked him what was wrong over text and this is what he said:

^And I know you say it’s a weird pressure thing to do as well, but if you were really horny and I wasn’t myself, I would give you head or any form to give you a orgasm that wasn’t from sex.
You want(ed)me to stop wanking but knowing I’m really horny as id expressed, then you’re no longer horny and uninterested in how I’m feeling.
I myself offer you head all the time and it isn’t just as a door to sex it’s because I want you to feel sexually satisfied.
I already know your response to this point that it’s pressuring and weird and not on so you don’t need to express it again.
I know that I’m not alone in that either, people do the same for their partners what id do for you ^

I don't even know what to say, I'm pissed off and offended. We're already having problems.

Who is being unreasonable here? Before I respond.

OP posts:
XJerseyGirlX · 05/06/2022 18:40

My husband used to do this , I told him that it's a huge turn off that he would happily have sex with me when I don't want it. He knows I've been sexually assaulted in the past ( date rape ) and yet still can't seem to turn off the sulking. I do ignore it now , I purposely leave it an extra few days and he seems to have realised that and doesn't sulk so much. Wtf is wrong with some men. Xx

Onlyforcake · 05/06/2022 18:41

He's not worth replying to, he just wants a n argument so he can rage wank

newbiename · 05/06/2022 18:42

LidlMissSunshine · 05/06/2022 17:03

I myself offer you head all the time

My vagina involuntarily slammed shut when I read this sentence.

Is he an estate agent? Does he work in sales?

You should show him the door for using a reflexive pronoun to talk about giving you cunnilingus.

😂

XJerseyGirlX · 05/06/2022 18:42

Meant to add , I wouldn't even respond if I were you. He might realise after reading it when he has calmed down what a dick he sounds like x

Bubblesandsqueak1 · 05/06/2022 18:46

Hmm sounds like he thinks you dont like him sorting himself out so when you left him hanging it has frustrated him

Laurajane1987 · 05/06/2022 18:46

"I'm sorry you feel that way, obviously our views on sex don't align very well and realistically I think we both know we maybe need to leave things here. Wishing you well, byyyyeee" would be my response whilst out loud calling him an entitled wanker in all the senses of the word and moving on without even a glance bacwards

BadNomad · 05/06/2022 18:47

Don't have sex you don't want to have, and you can stop at any point. But I'd be quite annoyed if my DP tries to control how I finish myself off when he's not a part of it.

Treacletoots · 05/06/2022 18:50

Like @Spohn said. Cock is abundant and mostly low value.

Raise your standards, put yourself and your child first and text this useless cock womble a simple "off you fuck then" message.

Move on with your life without this entitled fuckboy

LightningStar · 05/06/2022 18:54

tranquilrain · 05/06/2022 16:49

Thank you everyone for reassuring me that I'm not crazy.

Does anyone have any idea how to reply? I want to explain how wrong he is but I know he just won't get it

Just dump him.

LightningStar · 05/06/2022 18:55

Etinoxaurus · 05/06/2022 17:22

Eugh
strong teenage boy vibes
🤮

No. Not this. Most teenage boys have been brought up to respect women and know that they aren't there to service them.

RinklyRomaine · 05/06/2022 19:21

Ew. Social stuff and his horrible, faux management speak language aside, aren't you completely repelled? He's leaving you to 'reflect' on your behaviour and doesn't need you to express how weird and coercive his own is?

I'm afraid I'd keep it really simple. Just say, No. This is coercion and entitlement. I didn't want it, I'm not here to service your needs, and your attitude has utterly squashed any lingering attraction I had. We are done.

ladycarlotta · 05/06/2022 19:21

Get rid. He clearly isn't capable of understanding that your child gets your attention first and sometimes inconveniently. This will only get worse.

Sumtimesiamgreen · 05/06/2022 19:34

Dump his grim arse. Not attractive at all. If I don’t feel like sex, I don’t have sex. The End.
he needs the cup of tea analogy, he sounds 18 years old.

moofolk · 05/06/2022 19:37

You do not deserve this.

LTB

Rapey and entitled. He even said that he knows you'll just say he's pressuring you.

Sadly he's right; lots of men do feel like this. That does not make it ok.

Aaaabbbcccc · 05/06/2022 19:48

Jesus the fact that he would even commit those thoughts to a text message is 100% irretrievable ick.

NorthernLights5 · 05/06/2022 21:22

The fact that oh he says that he is not alone in this thinking has really bothered me. Well sadly he's right. Too many men think women are only there to service their needs both sexual and otherwise.

Tell him you can no longer continue in the relationship. If your mutual friends ask why you split up with him an appropriate answer will be "He kept pressuring me to have sex I didn't want".

st1cky · 05/06/2022 22:02

Spohn · 05/06/2022 18:09

Cock is abundant and of low value

My new motto.

Ne'er a truer word!

GodspeedJune · 05/06/2022 22:46

tranquilrain · 05/06/2022 17:22

I'm worried I won't find anyone else (stupid, I know.).

The main thing is that we share the same friends and he is basically my social life. I'm very social and scared of how that will impact things.

I also really like his family and would be sad to be parted from them.

It’s not a stupid worry, but it’s also not true. But while you’re with him, you won’t be open to meeting someone else. Someone else who will treat you with respect and love. Having him in your life means losing the opportunity to meet someone much better.

I was sad to lose touch with an ex’s family too but ultimately you’re in a relationship with him, not his family, and the way he’s treating you is really atrocious.

converseandjeans · 06/06/2022 06:03

I'm worried I won't find anyone else (stupid, I know.).

Just stay single. Also I wouldn't even bother to reply - just ignore him.

How old are your DC? Do you have just DS? I think it's a 🚩 when a boyfriend is jealous of a small child getting attention from their Mum.

HollowTalk · 06/06/2022 06:33

Well I myself 😀 would reply with "I think you're probably better off with someone who doesn't have children. Good luck."

Inthesameboatatmo · 06/06/2022 06:58

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩run .

boymum9 · 06/06/2022 07:13

I know this is a late reply and probably not helpful now, but wanted to add my two cents!

This won't ever change and will get worse and the pressure you'll end up feeling from his entitlement and childish behaviour. My ex husband was like this and honestly over the years the fallout from him being like this and making a deal over it and his entitlement and sulking and pressure just was horrible, really horrible.

I am with someone now who over the last 4 years has never made me feel that way and never guilted me or made me feel pressured or crap. He is just as much as a "sexual person" as my ex husband and shows it obviously to me and his attraction and want to do things, BUT the difference is if stuff doesn't happen or things need to stop or anything, he literally has never made me feel guilted or sulked, he has always shown complete respect. If anything he will apologise to me if he feels as though he hasn't picked up on the fact I didn't want to do something etc.

I didn't know men like him existed, you don't need to settle for the crap.

icelollycraving · 06/06/2022 07:26

God he sounds grim.
How long have you been together? His views are very dated. Kind of like the old 70/80s sitcoms where wives put up with their husband pawing them for sex.
You are allowed to go off sex because a kid walked in. It’d be more strange if you still felt up for it imho.
If you want to maintain the friendship group, just say you aren’t compatible, this isn’t going to get better is it?

Newestname002 · 06/06/2022 08:29

tranquilrain · 05/06/2022 17:22

I'm worried I won't find anyone else (stupid, I know.).

The main thing is that we share the same friends and he is basically my social life. I'm very social and scared of how that will impact things.

I also really like his family and would be sad to be parted from them.

None of this is a good enough reason to stay with this device

Newestname002 · 06/06/2022 08:33

tranquilrain · 05/06/2022 17:22

I'm worried I won't find anyone else (stupid, I know.).

The main thing is that we share the same friends and he is basically my social life. I'm very social and scared of how that will impact things.

I also really like his family and would be sad to be parted from them.

Sorry posted too soon.

None of this is a good enough reason to stay with this deficient human. Tell him (in a text if you wish) that this is no longer working for you, that the relationship with him is over and that you'd prefer him not to contact you again.

You (and your son) deserve better than this. 🌹