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Original poster

Sulking over sex?

82 replies

tranquilrain · 05/06/2022 16:30

DP and I had just started having sex when DS (not his child) came in unexpectedly from waking up from a nap. We heard him coming.

DS had woken up in a bad mood and was having a tantrum and being generally unreasonable. It took a few minutes to calm him and he said he wanted to try and sleep again (he hadn't napped for long). Put him down and went back in to the bedroom.

We went to continue having sex but I said I wasn't in the mood. DP said okay but immediately became cold. His car was elsewhere and he had somewhere to be so we got in the car and he didn't say a word to me whilst driving.

When I dropped him off he said he didn't want to see me for the rest of the day (we don't like together) as he won't be over "it" yet.

I asked him what was wrong over text and this is what he said:

^And I know you say it’s a weird pressure thing to do as well, but if you were really horny and I wasn’t myself, I would give you head or any form to give you a orgasm that wasn’t from sex.
You want(ed)me to stop wanking but knowing I’m really horny as id expressed, then you’re no longer horny and uninterested in how I’m feeling.
I myself offer you head all the time and it isn’t just as a door to sex it’s because I want you to feel sexually satisfied.
I already know your response to this point that it’s pressuring and weird and not on so you don’t need to express it again.
I know that I’m not alone in that either, people do the same for their partners what id do for you ^

I don't even know what to say, I'm pissed off and offended. We're already having problems.

Who is being unreasonable here? Before I respond.

OP posts:
LidlMissSunshine · 05/06/2022 17:03

I myself offer you head all the time

My vagina involuntarily slammed shut when I read this sentence.

Is he an estate agent? Does he work in sales?

You should show him the door for using a reflexive pronoun to talk about giving you cunnilingus.

anonljs · 05/06/2022 17:04

LidlMissSunshine · 05/06/2022 17:03

I myself offer you head all the time

My vagina involuntarily slammed shut when I read this sentence.

Is he an estate agent? Does he work in sales?

You should show him the door for using a reflexive pronoun to talk about giving you cunnilingus.

😂😂

Bobbins36 · 05/06/2022 17:09

tranquilrain · 05/06/2022 16:49

Thank you everyone for reassuring me that I'm not crazy.

Does anyone have any idea how to reply? I want to explain how wrong he is but I know he just won't get it

@tranquilrain How to reply? Easy. "Fuck off" should suffice.

Original poster
tranquilrain · 05/06/2022 17:18

I know he'll be offended by whatever I say.

I've been thinking about walking away for a while but finding it really hard.

OP posts:
MinnieMountain · 05/06/2022 17:20

Can you articulate why you’re finding it really hard to walk away?

Original poster
tranquilrain · 05/06/2022 17:22

I'm worried I won't find anyone else (stupid, I know.).

The main thing is that we share the same friends and he is basically my social life. I'm very social and scared of how that will impact things.

I also really like his family and would be sad to be parted from them.

OP posts:
Etinoxaurus · 05/06/2022 17:22

Eugh
strong teenage boy vibes
🤮

NinJellyWarrior · 05/06/2022 17:23

The fact that he knows your response will be that you find this weird and pressuring shows that you’ve had this conversation before.

clearly he didn’t listen or respect you when you did so what would be the point of saying it all again?

I’d not be able to get passed this to be honest. You deserve better.

ManateeFair · 05/06/2022 17:36

tranquilrain · 05/06/2022 16:36

I have never said I was I comfortable with him pleasuring himself. It was a dislike of him watching porn.

He was a complete arsehole over the interrupted sex. You aren’t there to service each other on demand. He’s being massively unfair on you and it’s absolutely never Ok to expect sex from someone who doesn’t want it. He’s vile.

However, you also have an issue with him watching porn. If you are anti-porn, that’s fine - you are absolutely entitled to be uncomfortable with it. But regardless of your own views on porn, I don’t think you can expect to demand that he doesn’t use it to get off in private, in his own home, which you don’t share with him. If someone told me what I could and couldn’t look at while I had a wank in my own home when they weren’t there, I would probably think they were being controlling and would tell them it was none of their bloody business.

I would dump him over the sulking and the text he sent, personally. But even aside from that, I think you’re fundamentally incompatible. You have different values and different expectations and I can’t see you making each other happy long-term.

AngelinaFangelina · 05/06/2022 17:42

'I don't think this is working anymore. Let's call it a day'.
I'd rather tell him to fuck off and grow up, but if you want to be diplomatic due to shared friends then just politely finish it. Don't stick around and let him treat you like shit. You've got a child growing up witnessing this shit.

IJoinedJustForThisThread · 05/06/2022 17:42

tranquilrain · 05/06/2022 17:18

I know he'll be offended by whatever I say.

I've been thinking about walking away for a while but finding it really hard.

Well here’s another reason why you should walk.

How well does he treat your DC? If the answer is not at least “very well”, that’s another reason.

You still have friends - surely they won’t all turn their backs in you and take his “side”? You’ll still have a social life.

It is better to be single than to be with the wrong man.

AdamRyan · 05/06/2022 17:49

but if you were really horny and I wasn’t myself, I would give you head or any form to give you a orgasm that wasn’t from sex.
So much BS. I bet he wouldn't. Next time he feels ill, try demanding oral (I'm joking)

Why would he think you would want to do anything sexual with your child awake in another room?

Bednobsbroomsticks · 05/06/2022 17:51

Here's a reply. Ta ra.

FrankLampardsBrokenHand · 05/06/2022 17:56

The weird sex sulking aside, I wouldn't have a single second more for any man who said "I don't want to see you for the rest of the day" like he's my father trying to punish me. No thank you, way too manipulative.

misspg08 · 05/06/2022 18:01

However, you also have an issue with him watching porn. If you are anti-porn, that’s fine - you are absolutely entitled to be uncomfortable with it. But regardless of your own views on porn, I don’t think you can expect to demand that he doesn’t use it to get off in private, in his own home, which you don’t share with him. If someone told me what I could and couldn’t look at while I had a wank in my own home when they weren’t there, I would probably think they were being controlling and would tell them it was none of their bloody business.

Idk, I find watching porn during sex pretty insulting. If he was so horny he couldn't hold it, he wouldn't need porn anyway, he could just finish thinking about what he was just doing. If you're going to watch porn, you need to be discrete about it. Nobody wants to be looking after their child while their partner is furiously fapping in the bathroom.

Spohn · 05/06/2022 18:09

Cock is abundant and of low value

Spohn · 05/06/2022 18:12

You can focus on raising your kid, no need to worry about finding a new boyfriend. You picked a crap one.

Notinthemoodforthis · 05/06/2022 18:26

tranquilrain · 05/06/2022 16:42

I was also wondering this. It reads as though DS was put down for a nap and then off they went in the car.

Sorry I wasn't clear. I put DS down, he didn't fall back to sleep. We got up and went out instead.

I’m not sure I understand it very well, although this isn’t the point of your post. You said ’We went to continue having sex’ and you replied to him that you’re no longer in the mood, but also that the dc couldn’t fall asleep again, so you all left. I just hope you didn’t leave dc asleep so you can play taxi for your partner. Other than that we all think you should leave him, but you want help with a reply that would keep the peace between you two.

JustTheOneSwan · 05/06/2022 18:33

Be polite if you'd rather, some twaddle about not working out or be truthful and tell him you aren't a sexual accessory and don't exist purely to satisfy him.
Any way you like but honestly you and your MH won't regret getting rid but I would put money on your future regrets if you keep him.

Merryoldgoat · 05/06/2022 18:36

I’d rather find all new friends than go anywhere near such a tool.

Notaneffingcockerspaniel · 05/06/2022 18:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Nothappyatwork · 05/06/2022 18:38

tranquilrain · 05/06/2022 17:18

I know he'll be offended by whatever I say.

I've been thinking about walking away for a while but finding it really hard.

Why are you finding it hard ? He doesn’t have children himself does he ?

Aquamarine1029 · 05/06/2022 18:39

tranquilrain · 05/06/2022 17:18

I know he'll be offended by whatever I say.

I've been thinking about walking away for a while but finding it really hard.

Come on, op, think about what's best for your child then. It is not staying with this arsehole, I assure you. Why are your standards so low?

Onlyforcake · 05/06/2022 18:39

Anyone using 'I myself' is hugely raging pissed off but equally massively entitled in their POV. Gross, probably the most unattractive message anyone has ever received

Beautiful3 · 05/06/2022 18:40

I've told my daughter that sex has to always be consensual. You don't do it, if you don't want to. You shouldn't feel pressurised to give oral sex, when you're not wanting sex, just because they asked. I don't think I like your partner, sorry.