Aibu to expect him to be apologetic for not noticing the puddle

[patchwirk]

I was up early to help DH and DS2 (age 15) get packed for a day out. Just as they were leaving I noticed a puddle round the base of the downstairs loo. DS2 said he hadn't been in there this morning. DH said he had used the loo but didn't make the puddle, and hadn't noticed it. I expressed frustration at this, but he said, in an unsympathetic tone, that he wasn't going to apologise for not noticing something. I was annoyed he said this, especially in front of DS2, who often claims, in the same dismissive tone, not to notice the mess he leaves in his bedroom, the kitchen, the bathroom etc. Aibu to expect them to notice? I don't expect a profuse apology, just a "Oh, sorry, I didn't notice - I would have cleared it up if I had."

why does a woman have to be nice and friendly when she finds a puddle of piss in the floor? She has every right to be annoyed for gods sake.

Nothing to do with being a woman. If her husband was the one who had noticed the puddle and came to speak to OP about it, he should also use a decent tone, regardless of how annoyed he might be with her for not noticing.

Going against the grain here a bit. Frankly, OP I think you are asking for too little. Yes, technically YABU to expect an apology for not noticing something. But honestly, I get the impression that you are the only one who notices the piss puddles when they happen. That DS2 and DH never ever notice which is a too fucking convenient blind spot. The three of you should be working as a team on DS1 and getting him out of bed to clean up his pies every time it happens. Instead DH and DS2 seem to have washed their hands and are playing a “didn’t see nothing” record leaving you as the skivvy to clean up piss. You don’t want an apology for not noticing with a side of not my problem, you want DH and DS2 to work with you on getting DS1 to stop pissing on the floor and clean his own mess up.

She doesn’t have to nice and friendly, but he didn’t piss on the floor and didn’t notice it, so why should he adopt a nice tone back when she’s been rude to him? Nothing to do with being a woman or a man, it’s about being short with someone for something that isn’t their fault, and then being annoyed they are short back.

@Discovereads I was with you to a point but why should the 15 year old be responsible for teaching his older brother not to piss on the floor? The older brother has 2 parents and is over the age of 15, his younger sibling is not responsible for his bladder. He hasn’t even been in the bathroom.

I read this and voted that you are being unreasonable, as I thought you meant the toilet had leaked or something.

But then read the update that it was a puddle of urine 😬you are definitely not unreasonable to be annoyed by this! How on earth did someone wee on the floor to begin with with, and then why would they not bother to clean it up?!

Agreed.

I envisioned the DS15s role as more of a lookout function. To let his parents know if he sees any new puddles. And also to comment to his brother a bit of sibling pressure like “aim when you pee because it’s really gross for all of us to deal with”. I agree it’s up to the parents to handle DS1, but it’s important that DS2 take the side of the parents and not defend DS1.

Bloody hell do your psychic powers come in handy anywhere else?

YWBU to expect an apology for someone not noticing something, how/why would they apologise for something they weren't aware of, would you?
Leave it for ds1 to clean up if you're sure it was him.
And your adult husband unless he has special needs does not need help packing for a day out.

Given that it's almost definitely one of the men in the house who left the puddle, I'd just leave DP to deal with who cleans it up.

DP and his son sometimes wee on the rim and don't clean it up, which I don't notice when I sit on the loo with the seat down, but then when I come to clean the loo, if there is obviously wee on the seat that hasn't been wiped, I get one of them to come and clean it up, whatever they're doing at the time.

Eventually if they're inconvenienced having to come and clean up, they'll remember to clean as they go.

Come on, men aren't supposed to see wee! They have a more complex brain and need to be thinking higher thoughts such as 'when is the wife going to sort my stuff out for the weekend' as they blithely ignore the puddle right by their feet.

So why is Ds1 not being unceremoniously removed from his bed to deal with his own piss (I'd rub his nose in it like a dog, tbh 🤮) rather than the other members of your family having to deal with your "frustration"?
Ds1 wants housetraining.

You would rub his nose in it like a dog?! You're vile.

You don't rub dogs noses in it, that's horrible. My Dad used to do that and it made me angry every single time, it's abusive and didn't work

Read the last sentence and concentrate hard. No need for psychic powers. Here it is again:

”who doesn’t notice a puddle of wee?”

That’s why I don’t believe that the OP’s husband didn’t notice, whatever he claims. He’d have been standing in it. Unless he likes to wee in complete darkness, of course. At this time of year, that would be around 4 am.

Well unless he used the loo before the puddle occurred.