Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want this sort of life

112 replies

Blahdeblahh · 04/06/2022 22:24

I follow a set of people I know through friends of friends on Instagram and just really envy their lives. There’s a big group of friends whose kids all play together, the mums all regularly have lunches/nights out and they’ve all just gone away to an island with partners/husbands too. They’re all really wealthy and good looking and their lives just look perfect
Anyone have a life like this 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
RosieRoww · 05/06/2022 10:29

No and I'm not following any sort of those people- I think if they would be that happy and satisfied, how they look like, they wouldn't be plastering their social life on social media and fishing attention- but this is only my opinion.

AtillatheHun · 05/06/2022 10:32

@Blahdeblahh i strongly recommend you read a novel called The Deaths.

Charles11 · 05/06/2022 10:33

Anyone can make their life sound fantastic on social media. I've got a friend who seems to have a lovely life and all she does is post things like 'Amazing bike ride with the family in this gorgeous forest' with a stunning photo or 'We lucked out with the weather on our beach trip!' And a beautiful picture of the sea and even 'Got the snacks in. Ready for the (football) final!' With a pic of snacks and the tv.
She always seems like she's having such fun whatever she's doing, even though it's pretty normal. She's just so positive and always comes across as happy.

BringBackCoffeeCreams · 05/06/2022 10:37

I have a friend who has one of those lives on social media. Everyone who follows her is very envious. Always loads of comments from people saying they wish they had her life. I don't, because I know her in real life and know her online life couldn't be further from the truth. The online life is the one she wishes she had.

RoseMartha · 05/06/2022 10:39

I think you need to spend less time on their posts and more time just enjoying your life and doing what makes you happy. Post what makes you happy.

What they are posting is for show and attention. I am not saying all posts people make are, but a lot of insta and SM as a whole is. Having teen girls who are obsessed with other people having better lives and richer than us, I face this issue with them a lot. As they tell me I am not providing for them as they deserve. I tell them these posts are not a true reflection of the poster's life, it is what they want you to see and think.

mycatisannoying · 05/06/2022 10:39

Some people do have blessed lives, and that's just the way it is. No amount of 'social media is fake' comments can take away from that.
Money definitely helps. And no amount of 'money isn't everything' comments can change that either!

mycatisannoying · 05/06/2022 10:41

ForestFae · 04/06/2022 23:03

I’ll be honest that sounds boring and empty. I’d last a week if that.

you’re better off out of it OP.

Sure it does Grin

UserError012345 · 05/06/2022 10:41

Comparison is the thief of joy.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 05/06/2022 10:48

Living life to the max sounds exhausting. I have friends who socialise every Friday and Saturday night. I’m quite happy with occasional meet ups and spending Sunday morning drinking coffee. Dd is playing in the living room so I’ve come upstairs to sit on my bed and drink coffee perfectly content. Be happy in your own life or make changes but don’t assume others are happy from social media!

Dreamylemon · 05/06/2022 10:51

Not from the money aspect, but the big group holidays sometimes look great with all the kids together.

Having done one, it was great but at the same time bloody exhausting managing 10 childrens needs / behaviours and having to negotiate different parenting styles. As a family we are all introverts and my kids both need quiet downtime or get overestimated and so it feels like we missed a chunks of the time.

Why don't you get a group together?

Oh and get rid of social media, it's designed to make you feel inferior!

queenMab99 · 05/06/2022 11:03

Spend less time on social media and more time with your children, working on your self esteem, and doing what you can to improve your life.

Definitelymabel · 05/06/2022 11:03

So I have acquaintances (kids friends parents and hangers on) who although aren't wealthy are always posting arty pics of them out as a group of families looking like they're having the best time possible. Always lots of smiling hugging kids and happy cavorting hugging adults.

Always made me feel like crap as we've never once been invited to one of these super fun parties or days out despite living 2 minutes walk away and kids being good friends at school.

Anyway, one of the super lovely happy husbands has now been arrested and issued with an injunction against seeing the wife or kids due to being an alcoholic wife and child beater behind closed doors.

The other super wonderful familys eldest daughter is actually a horrible little bully, and confident flowing successful mum I found out hates her job, is on antidepressants and off camera usually looks either sad or miserable or both.

I'm not gloating as both situations sound horrific and despite the Facebook posts I like both women well enough. But, it does illustrate perfectly why you shouldn't feel bad or excluded when others are posting all this wonderful junk.

zafferana · 05/06/2022 11:07

Comparison is the thief of joy OP. Ever heard that? It's very true.

And FGS don't believe the carefully curated versions of people's lives that they post on social media. It's not real.

zafferana · 05/06/2022 11:10

Oh and one more thing. I have a friend who is ALWAYS posting pictures of her family having a wonderful time camping/at a theme park/kayaking/on the beach/whatever. I've spent time with this family and they are indeed very outdoorsy, but the DM spends HER ENTIRE LIFE taking photos on her ipad, showing others photos on her ipad, curating the photos on her ipad, posting said photos on SM. I can see how it annoys her DH, but she is completely addicted to looking at their life through a lens. She can never just enjoy herself and what they're doing, because she's no intent on recording every moment. Live your life, don't photograph it.

Planterina22 · 05/06/2022 11:20

Sounds a bit vacuous. I’d rather work on my own life than stare through the window at someone else’s. And that’s through courses, nature, health, community etc

but I was born with the potential for sudden death syndrome so maybe I’m a bit odd…

Planterina22 · 05/06/2022 11:22

Also there was a study about how the constant snapping of photos disrupts your own processing of a memory and how strong it is so I think it’s not that healthy to be snapping away constantly just to show off

Plet · 05/06/2022 11:37

I'm really glad that I never got into social media in this way. I think it makes most people feel shut in some way. I remember Facebook becoming big when I was late teens/early twenties and a night out where one of the members of our group spent most of the night staging photos of us looking as though we were having fun instead of us actually having fun. It was so cringe and dull.

I do have social media accounts but I use them just for what I need. So I have a facebook account which I use for looking at marketplace and local groups to find out what's on. I have an Instagram account and am guilty of scrolling loads, but I use it a bit like Pinterest. I have never posted anything on there but use it as inspiration for all the things I'm interested in. I don't feel jealous of other people and I'm not particularly invested in any of the accounts I follow. I think you need to take a step back and become more removed from it. Think of it as a picture in a glossy magazine. Styled for a picture rather than showing real life.

Having a break from social media would probably do you a lot of good. Start focusing on your own life and what is making you feel dissatisfied and how you can change that. I don't get notifications from any social media accounts so I just log in when I feel like looking at something instead of being reminded of things. I specifically remember that night out I mentioned at the start of my post because it made me realise that I'd much rather enjoy things in the moment than take photos of them. I do still take some photos and videos of my kids but only in moderation. I feel as though I actually missed out on moments with my first child because I was constantly filming and photographing instead of engaging.

TokyoTen · 05/06/2022 11:38

Honestly my advice would be stop following them and preferably get off instagram. It's not making you happy is it.

Blueuggboots · 05/06/2022 11:40

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Momicrone · 05/06/2022 11:55

I'm not sure how perfect a life is if one has to keep posting about it on sm

NewYorkLassie · 05/06/2022 12:06

Planterina22 · 05/06/2022 11:22

Also there was a study about how the constant snapping of photos disrupts your own processing of a memory and how strong it is so I think it’s not that healthy to be snapping away constantly just to show off

That's interesting. I actually find I have very few photos of the best holidays. Too busy having fun!

Thelnebriati · 05/06/2022 12:09

Instead of wasting your life envying the 1% why don't you learn a skill and post about that?

grapewines · 05/06/2022 12:09

2bazookas · 04/06/2022 23:23

You're being pathetic. Live your own life.

Blunt but true.

chunkymandarincoulis · 05/06/2022 12:21

Blahdeblahh · 04/06/2022 22:24

I follow a set of people I know through friends of friends on Instagram and just really envy their lives. There’s a big group of friends whose kids all play together, the mums all regularly have lunches/nights out and they’ve all just gone away to an island with partners/husbands too. They’re all really wealthy and good looking and their lives just look perfect
Anyone have a life like this 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nope. And let's be totally honest about it, the instagrammers' lives aren't really like that either.

They will only post the bits they want people to see. They'll leave out the family arguments, the potty training disasters, the redundancies, the homework hassles, the Queen Bee friend, the affairs...

ColourMeExhausted · 05/06/2022 12:30

When DD was a baby, I was part of a first time mums group. There was about 12 of us and at first it was lovely to have mum friends, and we would meet weekly. Inevitably, cliques formed, and there was a group who all got on very well. They lived near each other, enjoyed wealthy lifestyles and high flying jobs, constantly out for 'yummy mummy' cocktails and spa breaks. One of them had a villa abroad and would invite them out with DCs and partners. I never felt a part of that and it was hard not to feel envious.

But...there was actually a lot of bitching going on (one of the women who is now a good friend fell foul of this and it was very hurtful for her), and another woman was actually on the verge of bankruptcy, and 'faking' the lifestyle she couldn't afford.

I'm sharing this to prove that not all is as it seems sometimes, and other people's lives look hugely different from the inside. Plus, these were not my kind of people and I deeply value the diverse friendships I have in my life.

Totally get the envy though! I've come off IG as it was all getting too much.